She sat up, braced to experience a pounding of difficult emotions.
What had she done?
She’d left her family. No, not left them. That sounded permanent, and this wasn’t permanent. But whichever way she framed it, family was everything to her and right now she should be feeling terrible. It came as a shock to discover that she wasn’t.
Last night’s feeling of panic had faded, but the hurt and loneliness was still there.
She wasn’t even sure why she’d walked out the way she had. It had been a culmination of emotional pressure that had built over the day until she’d thought she might burst. From Sean forgetting their anniversary to Caitlin demanding that she bring the cup to school in her lunch break, the whole day had been a stark reminder of all the things that were making her unhappy in her life.
She hadn’t left to make a point. She’d left because it had been necessary for her sanity.
She needed space and thinking time. Her brain wasn’t given sufficient respite from stress to figure out what she really wanted.
Still, it felt unnatural being here on her own.
She’d chosen to sleep in the bedroom she’d used as a child rather than the bigger guest room that she and Sean occupied on their visits. Why had she done that? Perhaps because it was a way of winding back time to the life she’d been living before this one. The person she’d been before the woman she was now.
The oversize map of the world was still stuck to the wall, complete with the markings she’d made with her father. Gathering dust on the shelves were all her old books, favorites that she’d never part with. Usually they were held in place by the art award she’d won at school, but that seemed to be missing.
Her mother must have stowed it away somewhere.
Feeling ridiculously disappointed that her untidy mother would choose to tidy up that particular item, she walked to the window and gazed out over the fields to the sea. This had been her view every day when she was growing up.
The sun blazed and she could feel the heat pumping into the room even though it was still early. It was going to be a scorcher.
She undressed, put her clothes in the laundry hamper and took a long shower.
Wrapped in a towel, she unzipped the bag she’d packed. She’d randomly pushed various things into the space without giving real thought to what she was going to wear.
Why on earth had she packed that shirt? She hated it.
Every item she pulled out of the bag reminded her of home and the life she wasn’t sure she liked that much. And there was nothing suitable for relaxed outdoor living during a heat wave.
In the end she picked out a fitted white shirt with shell buttons, a pair of cropped linen trousers, and stuffed everything else back in the bag. She zipped it up and stowed it under the bed.
It wasn’t only her life that needed an overhaul—her wardrobe did too.
Maybe she’d pay a visit to the boutique in the village later.
Only when she’d dried her hair did she finally switch on her phone.
She had several missed calls from Sean, and before she could decide what she was going to do about that, he called again.
She picked up, not sure what to expect from the conversation. “Hi.”
“Liza? Thank goodness. I’ve been worried sick about you.” The tone of his voice and the faint crackle told her he was calling her from the car.
“Why would you be worried about me?”
“Because you took off with no warning! I had no idea you were intending to go to Cornwall this weekend. And I feel—” The phone went dead.
“Hello?” She checked the screen to see if they were still connected. “Sean?”
“Yes. Are you there?”
“Yes. I missed what you said.” How did he feel? Had he realized he’d missed their anniversary?
She waited, determined to be relaxed and forgiving. He was busy. They both were. It was one of the many things that needed addressing.
“I feel frustrated that you did that without talking to me, without checking that the plan would work for me.”
She forced herself to breathe. She could discuss it, right here and now, but she knew what would happen. For all his faults, Sean was a good man. If she confessed how she was feeling, he’d turn the car round and head straight down to Cornwall to see her and she didn’t want that. She wanted time on her own, and for once in her life she was going to do what she wanted.
“I promised my mother I’d keep an eye on Popeye.”
“Well, the timing is bad. I am buried under work. I had to leave the house this morning before the girls were awake, and I’ll be home late so the last thing I need is to be clearing up the mess they make in the kitchen.”
Were they even capable of having a conversation that didn’t involve managing tasks and the girls? At the beginning of their relationship they’d played a game, Big Dreams, Little Dreams, sharing everything they’d hoped for, but those dreams were like an old threadbare rug. Trodden on and mostly forgotten.
“If they make a mess, they can clear it up themselves. If they need to be somewhere they can take public transport. They’re old enough to figure it out.”
“Who are you and what have you done with Liza?”
She licked her lips. “You’re always telling me we need to trust them.”
“That was before they wrecked the house. The builders are coming in this week, by the way. Can you be in on Tuesday?”
“No. Leave them a key.”
“You never leave builders in the house without supervision.”
“If you trust them then so do I?” She didn’t care about the builders.
There was a silence. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
No, but she wasn’t ready to talk about it. “I’m tired after the drive. You know how it is at the end of the school year.” She heard him curse under his breath. “Are you all right?”
“Traffic is bad. I’m going to be late.”
“Where are you going?”
“On-site meeting.”
“It’s Saturday.”
“This project is a nightmare. I don’t see how I can join you with things the way they are right now.”
The feeling of relief was swiftly swamped by guilt. What did it say about her that she was pleased that her husband couldn’t join her?
“Don’t worry.”
“Will you keep your phone on? They can call you if they have a problem.”
They’d call her for every little thing. “I can’t guarantee I’ll pick up. There’s a lot to do here and you know the signal is patchy.”