“And you were brokenhearted, so that made it even tougher.”
“Indeed. I loved him deeply.”
Martha’s chest ached and she reached out and squeezed Kathleen’s arm. “But you moved on. I can’t tell you how much that inspires me. I was feeling all flimsy and pathetic when I came to your house that day, like a silk shirt that’s been through a hot cycle in the laundry instead of being hand washed—”
“Your analogies are continually intriguing.”
“—but hearing your story makes me feel a lot more confident. And I don’t blame you for wanting to leave it all in the past. I was the same. That was one of the reasons I called you when I saw the ad.” And she was relieved she had. If she hadn’t been desperate, there was no way she would have considered a job that involved driving, and yet here she was having the time of her life.
Kathleen clutched the bag on her lap. “I am the fortunate beneficiary of that decision.”
“I know our situation isn’t the same, though. If I’m honest, I don’t feel that brokenhearted about Steven. I was at the beginning, but mostly I felt stupid. Stupid for thinking he was the right one. Stupid for making the decision to marry him. I don’t think I would have done that if Nanna hadn’t died, but I’d known him forever and I was clinging to something familiar.”
“You have remarkable self-insight.”
“Never before the event, sadly. Only after and then it’s too late.”
“How well I understand that.”
Martha glanced at her. “You were the same? So did you burn Ruth’s letters? Cut them into pieces? If you’d rather not talk about it, that’s fine.”
“The letters currently reside in a drawer at home, along with the ring.”
Maybe she hadn’t opened the letters, Martha thought, but nor had she thrown them away. If she really didn’t want any contact ever, wouldn’t she have thrown them away?
“And you don’t know if she’s still in California? Or if they’re together?”
“I doubt they’re together. He wasn’t capable of commitment. But the letters were always postmarked California, so it seems reasonable to assume that Ruth still resides there.”
“And that’s why you looked a bit funny on that first night when I mentioned California. Going there makes you feel a bit weird. Big place though. You won’t bump into her unless you want to.” But maybe she wanted to. Was that why Kathleen had chosen this particular trip? Had she consciously, or subconsciously, been keeping her options open? Martha stifled the million questions bubbling in her brain and asked just one. “Were you very good friends?”
It took Kathleen a long time to respond and when she finally did, her voice was faint. “Yes,” she said. “The very best. We were like sisters.”
How terrible must that have been? To lose the man you were engaged to was bad enough, but to lose your best friend too?
She was starting to think her situation wasn’t so bad after all. Okay, so she was twenty-five and already divorced, which didn’t look good from the outside to people who didn’t know the whole story, but what other people thought shouldn’t matter, should it? Kathleen hadn’t made her choices based on what other people thought.
Martha lifted her chin. Be more Kathleen. That was her new motto.
Maybe she should see divorce as a life experience instead of a failure. Things happened in life, to everyone. She needed to focus more on the now, and less on the then. She was young, healthy and didn’t have kids to worry about. She didn’t have to stay in touch with Steven. She was in a position to move on, as Kathleen had.
Except Kathleen had also lost her closest friend. That was a double blow,
Martha had a sudden urge to help. Kathleen had already helped her, so the least Martha could do was repay the favor.
“If you wanted to look her up then we could.”
“I don’t want that.”
The flat-out rejection of that suggestion made Martha wonder at the pain hidden behind those words.
What exactly had happened?
Martha decided it was time for distraction. “How about some music?”
“We tried that yesterday. My ears are still in a state of recovery.”
Martha grinned. “That’s my fault for singing along. I can’t help it. I burst if I don’t sing. Forget music. How about I put the top down?” It was a hot day. The sun beamed its approval of that suggestion.
“The top of what, dear?”
“The car. We have this fancy, sexy sports car. We might as well use some of its features. It will probably blow your hair around.”
“That sounds marvelous. Do it.”
Marvelous. When had she last heard anyone use that word?
Grinning, Martha pulled over next to a field. She hit the button, fascinated by the way the roof opened. “It’s very cool.”
“I doubt it will be cool when we hit Arizona.”
Martha started the engine and saw a man gazing at them from a house across the road. She was beginning to understand that far from being everyone’s worst nightmare, this car was considered a dream. It wasn’t quite her dream, but they might get there yet.
Kathleen wound her scarf around her hair and Martha grabbed her phone and snapped a few pictures.
“You look like a glamorous movie star. And if you’re not too old for an epic road trip, I don’t see why you’d be too old to contact an old friend.” Maybe she shouldn’t have pushed, but if it was the wrong thing to do then Kathleen would tell her. If not with words, then with one of her looks.
Kathleen adjusted her sunglasses. “She’s probably dead.”
“That’s not very optimistic. She might be very much alive, and hoping to hear from you.” Martha pulled onto the road. The sun was on her face and a light breeze played with her hair.
“She probably wouldn’t even remember me.”
Martha raised an eyebrow. “When did the last letter arrive?”
“Last year.”
“So she was obviously still thinking of you then.” Martha settled herself more comfortably in the seat. The car was starting to feel familiar. She no longer had to stare at the pictures on the key for five minutes while she tried to work out how to lock and unlock the doors. True, there were still lots of buttons she hadn’t touched, but overall, she was proud of herself. “I understand why you were so reluctant to be involved with anyone else after that. But it’s funny how life works out, isn’t it?” She slowed down as they approached an intersection. “If my relationship hadn’t ended, I probably wouldn’t be here with you now having the time of my life.”