“Life isn’t all about money.” Josh sounded relaxed and she rolled her eyes because of course he was relaxed. He wasn’t the one who had made a fool of himself.
“That’s easy to say when you have plenty. Believe me, when you don’t, it becomes something of a focus. Not that I’m greedy. I don’t need diamonds or anything—not that I’d say no to diamonds—but money, even a small amount, does give you choices. If I had money, I wouldn’t have to live with my family, and that would be good for everyone’s mental health. You’re able to take a break because you don’t have to worry about where your next meal is coming from.”
Underneath her humiliation was a layer of envy.
Josh gave her a long look. “I hope my next meal is coming from that diner up ahead, because it’s recommended in the guidebook.”
Martha barely managed to raise a smile. “You can joke, but this changes everything.”
“What does it change?” He was calm. “You want me to pay for the burgers? I was going to do that anyway. My contribution.”
“This problem goes a lot deeper than who pays for the burgers. I was comfortable with you, but now I’m not.”
“Why? What does my job have to do with anything?”
It was probably a lot easier to be casual about success when you’d experienced it. “Tell me about your company.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to know.”
He sighed. “I design and sell DBMS.”
“I don’t know what that is.”
“Database management software.”
“Still no idea what that is. Time to stop the conversation. It’s not making me feel good about myself. I don’t even understand what it is you do, let alone how you do it.”
“Basically I design software that make databases run smoothly.”
“So you don’t make something I’m likely to have used, or any individual.”
“Not directly. Our products are used by big companies.”
“And you set up the company.”
“Yes.”
Martha felt herself shrink. “From nothing.”
“Yes.”
“And now it’s worth—a lot.”
“I guess. The diner we talked about is up here on the right so you need to turn.”
Martha turned, and parked outside the diner. “I’m not sure I can drive knowing I have a tech tycoon in the seat next to me.” She was hit by a wave of depression. She’d been enjoying the trip so much, but it was all an illusion. Or maybe delusion would be a better word. This wasn’t a new life. It was a pause in her old life. Yes, she was having fun but it wasn’t real. She couldn’t spend the rest of her life driving old ladies across America. What lay ahead wasn’t a sun-soaked adventure in California, but a return home to the less than welcoming arms of her family. It was all very well realizing that she needed to distance herself from people who made her feel bad about herself, but how?
“What does my job have to do with anything?”
“Let’s put it like this—if my body was my ego, right now I’d be skinny.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Wasn’t it obvious? “Being with you makes me feel small. You’re intimidating.”
“Intimidating?” He looked astonished. “How?”
The fact that he could laugh made it worse.
“You may find this funny, but I don’t.” When she’d been with her grandmother she’d never seen the importance of striving for a career, but even she had to admit that what she’d achieved so far in her life couldn’t be described as impressive. “Maybe you should be a little more sensitive.”
“Maybe you should have a little more self-confidence. You’re too easily intimidated, Martha.”
“That’s easy to say when you’re a massive success.”
“There are many definitions of success, Martha, and they don’t all involve money. You’re making assumptions about me based on your own prejudices. I’ll go get us a table.” He left the car and slammed the door behind him.
Martha flinched. Prejudices? He was accusing her of having prejudices? His success was a fact, not opinion.
What did he have to be angry about?
She watched as he strode across the parking lot and saw him pause outside the diner. He ran his hand over the back of his neck and she saw his shoulders move as he breathed deeply and composed himself.
Behind her, Kathleen stirred. “What’s the matter with Josh?”
“When he talked about a boss who wouldn’t let him take a vacation, he was talking about himself. He’s the boss.”
“I know.”
“You know?” Martha turned to look at her. “And you didn’t think it was a fact worth sharing?”
“I knew you’d be intimidated, and I didn’t want that to happen. I wanted you to get to know each other a little first. Did you fight about something?”
“Sort of.” Why did she feel guilty? Because she’d upset him in some way, and he’d been nothing but kind. It was a strange situation because being closeted together in the car created a false intimacy. They were close, and yet not close. The fact that she’d upset him and had no idea why was a sharp reminder that they didn’t know each other at all.
It shouldn’t have mattered, but it did.
Kathleen reached forward and patted her on the shoulder. “You like him, don’t you?”
“Not anymore.”
“You like him.”
“Okay, I like him but I’m not getting involved with someone who makes me feel bad about myself.”
“No one can make you feel bad about yourself unless you let them.”
“That’s a great theory. In practice it’s not that easy.”
“Character is more important than bank balance. Josh has been heroic in his actions.”
“Because he found a doctor?”
“He also found bacon, which tells me he’s a man who has his priorities straight.” Kathleen lowered her sunglasses and looked at Martha. “Talk to him. I need to use the restroom, and I’m going to be at least fifteen minutes.”
“Fifteen? Are you planning to redecorate or something?”
“I plan to give you enough time for a proper conversation with Josh.”