What would she do if people weren’t constantly putting her off and minimizing her ideas?
Something that involved connecting with people. But that wasn’t a passion, was it? Not like surfing or tech.
Josh seemed about to say something else when Kathleen finally joined them.
She’d timed her entrance so perfectly that Martha wondered if she’d been listening or lip reading.
“Do they have tacos?” Kathleen sat down next to Martha and pulled the guidebook out of her bag. “Planning time. Josh, I hope you’ll join us for the next phase of our trip.”
Martha held her breath and focused on her menu. She’d assumed he’d leave, but now she knew his story she badly wanted him to carry on his journey with them. She wanted to do what his brother would have done and encourage him to have fun. She sensed he needed that, and she wanted to be the person to help him do it.
Josh glanced up from the menu. “I appreciate the offer, but there are things I need to do.”
And now she knew why he was making this trip, Martha was determined that he wasn’t going to do those things alone. “Just because you hitch a ride, doesn’t mean you have to stick with us like glue. Kathleen and I will probably be out and about getting up to serious mischief anyway.”
“I don’t doubt that.” There was a smile in his eyes. “But I’ll want to stay a little longer in the Grand Canyon than you had planned.”
“We don’t have plans as such—” Kathleen waved a hand. “Take as long as you wish. Martha will amend our booking. I can’t think of a better place to linger.”
Josh hesitated. “If we do this, then I’d insist on being in charge of the accommodation.”
“We can argue that part later.”
“So that’s settled?” Martha’s mind was already working. She needed to research trips on the Colorado River. She didn’t want to leave Kathleen for long, so it would have to be a day trip. And anyway, if Josh was going to complain and moan about getting wet the whole time, a day would probably be more than enough for both of them.
Their food arrived, plates heaped high with refried beans, spicy enchiladas and tacos for Kathleen.
“I confess I like having you around for reassurance, Josh,” Kathleen said. “What if I collapse again? You proved to be most useful when it came to finding a doctor.”
Martha reached for the salt. “I could find a doctor if we needed one.”
But she too, wanted Josh to continue with them on the trip, even more so now that she understood how much this journey meant to him. He shouldn’t be on his own for this, should he? It was clear he was finding it difficult. He might need a friend and he seemed a little like Kathleen—so used to handling life’s challenges on his own that he didn’t know how to reach out. And if he continued alone, who would step into his brother’s shoes and nudge him to do the things he wouldn’t normally do?
She was going to stop thinking about his job and that he was so successful in his business. Just like Kathleen, there was a person behind the success. A human being, who felt all the same things every person felt. He was a man grieving for his brother. A confused man, who somehow felt he’d let his brother down.
A person wasn’t defined by their job, and she was going to keep reminding herself of that.
They finished their meal and returned to the car.
Filled with a sense of purpose, Martha slid into the driver’s seat. “You’re lucky to be traveling with us, Josh. You probably haven’t heard, but I’m a great driver.”
“I heard that.” He slid into the passenger seat. “I heard that roundabouts and reversing are your favorite things, so I’ll try and find a route that gives us plenty of both.”
“Very funny.”
He smiled at her and her heart bumped hard against her chest. He’d smiled at her before, of course, but this was different. This smile was slower, intimate, the type of smile shared between two people who knew each other.
Her insides did an elaborate dance that included a spin and possibly a pirouette.
No, Martha. No, no, no. Yes, she felt sympathy, yes he was sexy—but none of that changed the fact that Josh Ryder was absolutely not her type.
He was a planner. She was spontaneous. Maybe she should embrace that side of herself instead of constantly trying to shape herself into the person others wanted her to be. She was never going to be the corporate type. She was more like Red Ryder, living life in the moment.
But Josh thought she was wise.
Wise.
Martha focused on the road. She was conscious of Josh in the seat next to her, his knee within touching distance and his hand resting close to hers. It made it hard to concentrate.
She kept thinking of Kathleen, so bruised by her early experience of love that she’d kept herself at a safe distance from emotions until she’d met Brian. She was urging Martha not to make the same mistake.
Martha didn’t want to have regrets.
She didn’t want to make another bad decision, but which option would be the bad decision? Having a fling with Josh, or not having a fling?
She’d never felt a fraction of this chemistry with anyone else.
She glanced in the mirror to check on Kathleen and the older woman gave her a cheeky wink.
Kathleen didn’t say a word, but she didn’t need to. Martha already knew what she was thinking.
18
LIZA
Liza stood in the kitchen, humming to herself as she grated ginger and chopped lemongrass for the salmon fillets.
She’d spent the day painting, experimenting with a large canvas, applying bold swipes of aqua and green to reflect the colors of this part of the coastline.
Halfway through the day she’d broken off and jogged to the beach, taken a skin-numbing swim in the freezing ocean, and then jogged back. It was something she’d been doing every day. She felt horribly unfit, her face red and her heart pounding. Sean had a gym membership, and he tried to go at least twice a week. During Liza’s three-month membership she’d managed to go on precisely two occasions, and one of those had been cut short by the school calling asking her to pick up Alice who had fallen during a game of hockey. Deciding that there was no point in paying to sponsor other people’s fitness, she’d canceled her membership. She’d planned to try a yoga class, or maybe jog in the mornings, but there was always something more pressing demanding her time. And when she did find herself with thirty minutes to herself, she couldn’t bring herself to spend it pounding along a path.
As she’d showered off the salt water, taking time to condition her hair, she’d thought more about her dream to live somewhere like this eventually. There had been a time when she and Sean had talked about it, but like many other things that dream had been squashed out by reality. Why?