Settling down. I wasn’t sure that was something I was interested in. But I nodded anyway.
“Great. I’ll work on the listing.” He took a peek into the family room. “And we’ll need some stagers asap.”
I didn’t see why there was anything wrong with my furniture. Maybe families preferred less leather and more…throw pillows? I had no idea. “Whatever you think it needs.”
He snapped a few pictures with his phone. “And I’ll get some photographers out here to take pictures once everything is ready.” He pushed an end table two inches to the left and I laughed. “It was blocking the natural flow,” he said.
“Sure.”
Bill chuckled. “I’m not going to pretend I know about interior decorating, but I’d definitely run into this thing all the time if it was at my house.”
He wasn’t wrong. I’d hit my shin on it a few times, but didn’t care enough to move it. I’d needed a place for whatever I was drinking when I was stretched out on the couch. And as far as I was concerned, an end table went by the end of the couch.
“Does all that sound good?” he asked. “I’ll text you the times for the stagers and photographers.”
“Sounds great, Bill.” I shook his hand and watched him leave before heading up the stairs. I needed a shower before I met up with Penny. But instead of heading toward the master, I pulled out the key that was very much in my pocket, and unlocked the door to the third bedroom.
I pushed it open and smelled the calming aroma of paint and sunshine.
The floor was covered in tarp and there was an easel in the center of the room with a half-finished portrait.
Another thing I did when I was missing Brooklyn? I painted her. I stepped into the room and looked at the canvases stacked along the wall. Dozens of them. Everywhere. They almost filled up the whole room.
If I could paint anything else, I would. But I only ever came into this room when I wanted to think about her.
Some days I couldn’t look at pictures of her without falling apart. Other days? I felt like I couldn’t remember her face. On those days, I’d come in here and look at old photos. And sometimes I’d paint her face from them. It was all I had. An old photo album and some memories. This room was the main reason I didn’t have anyone over. Because if any of my friends or family saw this, they’d look at me the way they did after Brooklyn died. Like I was broken. I hated when people looked at me like that. Even if it was true.
I stared at the painting on the easel. I was best at capturing Brooklyn’s eyes. Sad yet full of warmth. Full of love. For me.
She’d given me paints, brushes, and an easel as an early Christmas present the day before she passed away. I’d told her I used to love to paint with my aunt. She’d been worried about how stressed out I was and thought painting would help. It was the sweetest present I’d ever received. And I’d promised her I’d use it. I tried my best to keep all my promises to her. Even when they killed me.
But she was right. Painting was a great escape from stress. I wasn’t sure I was ever as calm as I was when I painted. Until grief took over. I’d slept on that tarp. I’d fallen apart on that tarp. This room was the most lived in. Because it held all the memories of her.
I looked down at the photo album opened next to the easel. Brooklyn’s best friend, Kennedy, had given it to me. It was meant to be a present for our wedding. Instead, she’d given it to me on the day of Brooklyn’s funeral. The photos inside were the only pictures of her I had.
It was one thing to stare at my paintings. It was another to see her actual face smiling at the camera. It felt like a knife in my chest. She’d been so happy. We were supposed to be so happy together.
Fuck. I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes and turned away from the image of her. I needed to go pretend everything was fine for the rest of the afternoon. Pretend I wanted to be on some stupid dating app. Pretend that hanging out with Penny was anything like hanging out with Brooklyn.
My phone buzzed as I closed the door behind me. It was another text from Tanner.
“And make sure to wash last night’s failure off. Or your surprise won’t be impressed.”
God no. My surprise was a person? If Tanner was sending over another round of women to my place, I wasn’t freaking answering the door.
Chapter 10
Sunday
Penny and I were meeting at some little coffee shop near her place. She loved coffee shops. Which was weird, because I’d only ever seen her drink tea. I think it had something to do with how she and James met. But none of that mattered. What mattered was that she was waiting for me, and I was going to be late. Again. I knew how much she hated sitting alone. And how much she hated thinking I’d stood her up. I ran my fingers through my wet hair and grabbed my car keys.
I closed my front door and when I turned around, I almost ran straight into someone. I grabbed the person before I knocked them down the front steps.
“Sorry,” I said. And then my voice caught in my throat. Penny. I’d wanted fresh air this morning. Penny smelled just like fresh air. Like a bouquet of spring flowers. And for the first time all morning, it felt like I could actually breathe.
“Hi,” she said. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I was just about to knock.”
I let my hands drop from her arms when I realized that she was here. At the one place she should never, ever be. The one place where I didn’t want to hang out with her. “What are you doing here?”
“Tanner called me this morning. He mentioned that you were sad that no one threw you a housewarming party.” She raised both her eyebrows at me. “Do you not remember when I asked you a dozen times about that very thing?”
I remembered. I nodded.
“He made me feel like a monster. He said you were super insulted that none of your friends had even come by. I’ve tried so many times and you’ve always turned me down.”
“Penny…”
“And he hinted around that you’d be really happy if we hung out here for our matchmaking session today.”
Fucking Tanner. So this was my surprise? Penny showing up on my doorstep? “Oh…um…”
“You know I would have thrown you one. We’ve all been dying to see your place. What does a girl have to do to get an invitation? Get down on my hands and knees and beg you?”
I could picture her doing a lot of things on her knees. Stop. “Great. You can throw me a housewarming party at my new place. I’m selling this one. So there’s no reason to warm it. You said you loved that coffee shop, though. Let’s hang out there like we’d planned.”
“You’re seriously not going to invite me in?”
“Nope.” I tried to step around her but she blocked me on the steps.
“But I had Ian drive me all the way here. I can’t just call him and make him drive me back across town. That would be so rude.”
“Penny, it’s his job to drive you wherever you want to go.”
She waved her hand through the air. “Ian’s family.”
“Hardly.”
“What do you mean hardly? He’s engaged to Jen. He’s going to be my brother-in-law.”
Jen was James and Rob’s sister. And one of the many women in New York whose body I’d used to try to numb my pain. It hadn’t worked. I still wasn’t sure how James and Rob had forgiven me for that one. I guess I had a get out of jail free card for everything after Brooklyn died. “Well, it’s Ian’s fault for being awkward and insisting he still works for you when he’s shacking up with Jen.”