“Do you think maybe we should start going for two-point conversions instead of extra points?” He looked so defeated.
And it broke me. I was supposed to be present enough to figure out how to help him. And all I was doing was worrying about literally everything else possible. “Absolutely not.” I slapped his back and his glasses slid down his nose. “We’re going to figure out how to make you the greatest kicker Empire High has ever seen.”
He smiled. “Thanks, Coach Caldwell.”
Now I just needed to make good on my promise. There had to be a way to get through to him. But as the game ended, I was no closer to a solution.
And all the high-fives in the world didn’t pull me out of my head. I felt the little hairs on the back of my neck rise again and turned around. My stalker was standing on the edge of the field just…staring. As soon as our eyes met, she quickly walked away.
She was definitely up to something. I tried to remember the night we spent together, but it was a little fuzzy. Why had she slept with me in the first place? Did she have some kind of ulterior motive? Had Mr. Pruitt actually sent her? Had she stolen something from me? Or copied my keys or something? I don’t know. I just had a really bad feeling. All I wanted to do was go home and take some sleeping pills.
But my brother and friends were making their way over from the stands.
Tanner waved and then pointed to his watch.
I waved back, knowing that meant he probably had a date or a late meeting. And it was probably best that he was in a hurry to leave. Because I didn’t need any more “my Tanner” jokes right now.
“Just like old times,” Mason said. But he wasn’t really talking to me. He was staring out at the field. I couldn’t tell if he looked sentimental or just…sad.
“You were great,” his wife, Bee, added and gave me a hug. “I can’t believe I didn’t know you coached at Mason’s old school. I would have gotten Mason out here way sooner.”
I didn’t really have anything to say to that. Because no one outside of Mason, Rob, James, and I knew why none of us wanted to step foot back on this campus. Maybe reminiscing about high school was fun for some people. I wasn’t one of them. And judging from the look on Mason’s face, I wasn’t the only one.
“This school is unbelievable,” Daphne cut in, and slapped Rob’s hands away so she could give me a hug too. “It looks more like a museum than a high school. Rob said we might get a tour?”
“Mhm.” I really didn’t want to walk through those doors. I’d somehow avoided doing that very thing. I wasn’t the gym teacher, so there was no reason to go inside. I even bought all our practice equipment and donated a shed to keep it in. Thinking about walking into the school made my heart start to race.
“Where are all your kids?” I asked. If someone could put a smile on my face, it was Scarlett. Or Rob and Daphne’s daughter, Sophie. She was just as funny as her dad.
“Ellen’s watching them,” James said. “Great game.”
“Thanks.” I looked over to the school. “The side doors are unlocked if you guys want to head in. I have a few things to clean up.”
Mason grabbed Bee’s hand and guided her away from the stadium, like he couldn’t wait to get out of here. The school brought back more memories, though. He’d figure that out soon enough.
Penny gave me a small wave before James put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her away.
“I’m going to stay and help Matt clean up,” Daphne said. “You go ahead.”
Penny was easy to talk to and we always laughed together. Bee was encouraging. It was hard to leave a conversation with her without feeling motivated. And Daphne? It was like she could somehow sense pain from a mile away. She always wanted to help. And she was normally really good at it. But I think I was like a puzzle she couldn’t solve. Like she knew that I needed her, but I’d never tell her why.
Rob kissed her cheek. “Hey, wait up!” he called to the others as he ran after them.
I didn’t really have anything to pick up. There were no practice balls, and Jefferson hadn’t brought snacks again this week. Because they hadn’t been well received. Another thing to add to my list of recent failures. I busied myself by looking at my clipboard even though I had all the plays memorized.
“All the guys were quiet on the drive over here,” Daphne said.
I nodded but didn’t look up.
“I’ve looked at Rob’s old yearbook from senior year. He got Class Clown. And you got Most Likely to Succeed.”
I remembered trying to get out of taking pictures for the superlative. I didn’t want to be Most Likely to Succeed. It felt like a sick joke. Being nominated for something pertaining to my future was meaningless when my real future, the only future that mattered, had been cut short the second Brooklyn took her last breath.
“You were all popular. So why does Rob never talk about his time here? Why don’t any of you guys?”
I sighed. “Because high school sucks for everyone.”
She laughed. “For people like me. Not for people like you.”
Penny had said something similar to me the other day. And I hated when any of my friends’ wives said shit like that. “You’re one of us.” I’d never gotten a chance to make Brooklyn my wife. But Daphne got to marry Rob. Bee got to marry Mason. Penny got to marry James.
“You know what I mean. I was a nerd in school, Matt. I didn’t get any superlatives. But I still have good memories of high school. It’s like none of you do.”
That was a lie. Because for just a few months somewhere lost in those years…I’d had everything I’d ever wanted. Before it was taken away.
“I know Rob’s always joking around. But he worries about you.”
I froze, even though I wasn’t doing anything. He’d told her? My heart started racing even faster. He’d fucking told her?
Daphne held up her hands like she knew what conclusion I’d come to. “He didn’t want to come tonight. He never talks about Empire High. And I have no idea why. He just brushes it off. And I’ve asked James about it too. I know they both had a rough childhood. My mother-in-law has taken…some time to get used to.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. Mrs. Hunter was the worst.
“But Rob and James always speak so highly of your parents. Your mom told me she felt like she helped raise the Hunter boys. So I don’t really get why you and Mason don’t like talking about your childhood. It sounded like it was really great.”
“It was great.” Besides for that one thing. That one momentous thing that haunted me every day. That one thing I’d never get over.
“So why does it seem like you’re scared to go into the school?”
“I’m not scared.”
She smiled. “Fine. Apprehensive.”
I took a deep breath. “There are just a lot of memories I don’t feel like reliving.”
“Okay.” She seemed to sense that she wasn’t going to get anything out of me. “But if you ever do want to relive them? I’m here, you know.”
I knew she was. And I stupidly felt my eyes water. I blinked fast and pretended to cough. Daphne understood loss better than anyone else I knew. She’d understand. She was someone that would be so easy to open up to. But if I told someone…they’d want to help me move on. I didn’t want to move on. That was the whole point. And no one would ever understand that.