I put my hand down on one of the chairs. Why had I come in here? Just to torture myself? I closed my eyes even tighter. No. I wanted to remember. I wanted to remember what it was like to be happy. I needed to remember what it was like to be okay. Because I wasn’t fucking okay.
And if I closed my eyes tight enough, I could almost hear Brooklyn’s laughter. Almost feel her breath whispering in my ear.
I opened my eyes and saw the darkness all around me. All alone. Yeah, I really wasn’t fucking okay.
I heard the auditorium doors open. I turned to see Penny standing there. Her hip kept the door ajar and let the light stream in. “Did you find that thing you needed to check on?”
I nodded. I was surprised she’d come after me. We hadn’t spoken since Sunday. I figured I’d done something to upset her. And it was better if I just apologized so we could move on. “I’m sorry about Sunday,” I said.
“Why are you sorry? I’m the one that practically ran out of your house.” She laughed. “I should be the one apologizing to you.”
We were both silent for a few moments. I wanted to ask her why she’d run. But I didn’t want to push her.
She looked down at her shoes. “I know James wasn’t in the best headspace in high school.”
That was an understatement. Half the time he had been drunk or high off his mind.
“But…” her voice trailed off. “I also know he meant what he said about not turning your back on family. I can’t believe he kissed one of your old girlfriends.” She shook her head. “But he’s sorry. I can tell. You can’t tell me you’re still mad at him about that after all these years?” She cracked a smile.
She’d never understand. Because I’d never tell her. “I’m not still mad at him.” I didn’t even really know if it was a lie. No matter what, I was most mad at myself. I was the one that had let Brooklyn down. Not him.
Penny stared at me like she was waiting for me to add something. But I didn’t have anything to add.
“Don’t tell me you broke up with that girl because of what James did.”
“No.” I never broke up with Brooklyn. And she still owned my heart. I’d always be hers.
“Well that’s good.” Penny smiled.
She probably just thought that meant my high school girlfriend and I broke up for some other reason. It was an easy mistake to make. Because Brooklyn wasn’t standing beside me. It was the only reasonable conclusion to jump to. And God I wished it was true. That she was still alive. It would have killed me for her to be with someone else. But it would be a little easier to breathe knowing that she was breathing too.
“And speaking of girls…” said Penny. “You have a date tomorrow night.”
I blinked. “What?” The last thing I wanted to do was go on some stupid date with some woman who wasn’t Brooklyn. Not after tonight. Not ever. Penny wasn’t an idiot. She could tell I was hurting. But she was way off base for thinking this was going to help. “I’m not going on some random date.”
“Actually, you are. Because I already made a reservation under your name at Giordano’s.”
“Then cancel.”
“But I think she’s exactly what you’re looking for.”
“What does that even mean?” She had no idea what I was looking for. Because despite her asking repeatedly while swiping through random chicks for hours, I hadn’t ever answered her seriously.
“You told me what you wanted. I found her.”
I’d only joked about wanting Penny. No one else. I didn’t want any of this. “Penny…”
“I know. You’re welcome. You can thank me when you two hit it off.”
That was not at all what I was about to say.
“And before you ask any more questions, I’m not telling you anything about her. No stalking her before the date and backing out. And she doesn’t know what you look like either, because I used that picture of the tea you swore you wanted for your profile.” She looked happier and happier as she talked. “It’s the perfect blind date. I swear I have a really good feeling about this. I just need you to trust me.”
Damn it. I did trust her. Which made my stomach churn. Because she probably found someone really great. Someone in another life that might have been a perfect match for me. But there was no way in hell it could work.
“She’ll meet you there at 8.”
I found myself nodding. I couldn’t say no to Penny. Not when she looked so happy.
“And what are you doing in here in the dark anyway? Come on, we’re all going out to celebrate your win.”
I was just exhausted. I didn’t want to go out drinking with my friends. But as I rejoined everyone in the hall, I realized maybe we all needed this.
Sixteen years ago, we’d ruled this school. We were all happy. We were fucking untouchable. And now? Rob was staring at me seriously and had abandoned his jokes. Mason looked like he literally wanted to run out of the school. And James was staring off in the distance, looking almost as depressed as me.
Coming here was like stepping into a time capsule. And yes, there were a lot of good memories at Empire High. But they were tainted with what had happened. And the secret I’d made them keep. They’d promised not to ever talk about Brooklyn again. Not until I was ready. And they’d kept their promise. They’d kept the secret from all their wives. And I was pretty sure it was eating away at them almost as much it was eating away at me.
And the worst part? Brooklyn would have hated seeing us like this. She would have wanted all of us to be happy. I took a deep breath. “The first round is on me.”
Chapter 14
Friday
I took another sip of my beer. I needed to talk to James in private. It was bad enough that I’d waited this long after Poppy’s threat. But now everyone was having so much fun. Even I was enjoying some of the stories about us in high school. I hated to break up the party when everyone was smiling and laughing so hard. And I was pretty sure Bee was more than tipsy. Which was hilarious because she always laughed at everything when she was drunk.
But as tempting as it was to just crack jokes all night for her…this Poppy thing was serious. I was just about to ask James if we could talk for a second, when Tanner slid into the empty stool beside me.
“Sorry I’m late,” he said. “What did I miss?” He somehow already had a beer in his hand.
Had he been here for a while? “I didn’t realize you were coming,” I said.
“Yeah, the gang invited me.”
The gang? I looked over at my friends. Honestly, a gang would be the least likely phrase I’d used to describe this bunch.
“Robert,” Tanner said and nodded to him.
Rob sat up a little straighter. “Tanner.”
I cleared my throat before they could start making jabs at each other. “We were just talking about the four of us in high school.”
“Ah,” Tanner said. “All the fighting?”
Bee laughed.
“No, we were actually talking about all the good times,” I said.
“Interesting.” Tanner took a sip of his beer. “From a slightly outside perspective, maybe it would be better if we did dive into all the fighting though, yes? In order to move on?”