I looked over at the school and sighed. I hadn’t stepped foot into Empire High ever since graduation. Maybe walking around would help. Somehow. There were really only two things that could happen. It could make me feel farther away from Brooklyn than ever before. But I already felt her loss every day. I was more scared of the other option. That it would make me feel closer to her. If I walked through those doors and felt her presence? I’d be more stuck than ever. I’d never get away from this fucking school.
Daphne looped her arm through mine. “Come on. You promised me a tour.” She said it with a weird British accent for some reason. Probably just to make me smile.
I laughed and let her guide us up the path to the school. I ignored the way my laugh died in my throat. And how I felt physically cold as I walked up toward the school.
Going back through those doors after Brooklyn had died was hell. For two and a half years I’d had to walk around those halls and pretend she’d never occupied them. Pretend I’d never kissed her against her locker. Or pulled her into an empty classroom. I could hear her laughter ringing in my ears.
If Daphne hadn’t been holding on to my arm, I would have turned around. But there was something comforting about not having to do this alone. I wasn’t trying to move on. I swear I wasn’t. But I needed those empty hallways to make Brooklyn slip farther away. Because I wasn’t sure how much longer I could breathe when the past felt so damn heavy. The weight of it on my chest felt stifling. At least, that’s what I told myself. Because the fact that I was slowly dying of a broken heart somehow felt worse.
Chapter 13
Friday
The hallways of Empire High looked exactly the same as they always had. Shiny floors, dark wood, posters about school spirit. It even smelled the same. I swallowed the lump in my throat.
I couldn’t really place the smell. It just reminded me of…being young. And alive. I closed my eyes. God, it reminded me of Brooklyn.
“You okay?” Daphne asked.
I opened my eyes and tried to focus on anything other than that damned smell. “I’m fine. We should catch up with the others.” The last thing I needed was for one of them to break something. I was already on thin ice with the principal.
Daphne was quiet as we made our way through the empty halls. Past classrooms I remembered joking around in with Rob. Past the chem lab where Rob and I had made something explode that definitely shouldn’t have. We’d kept finding beaker glass for weeks after that. For just a second I actually smiled. I’d only had one class with Brooklyn. But pretty much every single one with Rob. And I couldn’t deny that there weren’t good memories in this school.
We found the rest of our friends in the cafeteria.
“Remember when James broke this window?” Rob asked with a laugh.
My smile vanished. Yeah, I remembered.
“What did you break it with?” Bee asked. “A football or something?”
“His fist,” Rob said. He pretended to box with the window, throwing a punch dangerously close to the glass.
Penny turned to James. “And why exactly did you punch a window?”
James pressed his lips together.
Rob didn’t seem to notice that he was opening old wounds. “He thought Matt had slept with his high school girlfriend. But Matt hadn’t done it. Or so he claims. No one knows for sure.”
“We know for sure,” I said. “I didn’t sleep with Rachel. It was just a kiss. And she was the one that threw herself at me.” But Isabella had gotten a picture of it. And then James had believed her over me. I still fucking hated James for not believing me over that witch. I hated him for making my life a living hell when I should have been focusing on my last days with Brooklyn.
Penny was staring at me, but then she looked back at James. “Why did you never tell me about all that?” she asked.
“Because it’s ancient history.” James put his hand protectively on her waist.
It wasn’t ancient history to me. My whole fucking life had stopped right here. And I was pretty sure they all knew it.
“It was crazy,” Rob said. “I took James’ side of course. And Mason took Matt’s side. It was an epic Hunter Caldwell feud.” He laughed. “God and homecoming? That was the craziest night.”
“I’m scared to ask, but what happened at homecoming?” Daphne asked.
“James retaliated by kissing Matt’s girlfriend. And then we all got into this huge fist fight. We almost got kicked out of school.”
Daphne shook her head.
“I can’t believe you did that,” Penny said to James. But she didn’t push him away from her for literally being the worst. She didn’t move at all. She let him keep his arm around her.
“I wasn’t in a good place,” he said.
Mason cleared his throat. “I wonder if the principal’s office looks the same.”
I knew he was trying to get our group to drop the subject and move along, but no one moved. I really wished Tanner had stuck around. He’d be able to ease the tension in some way.
“That’s awful,” Penny said. “What made you guys make up?”
Brooklyn’s death.
Rob finally closed his big mouth. He wasn’t going to say it. No one was going to say it.
But my fiancée had died. And they’d felt bad for making my life any shittier than it already was. They felt sorry for me. Not because they believed me. Not because they cared.
The cafeteria was filled with complete and utter silence. I looked over the tables. They were still organized the same way they were back then. The Untouchables’ table. And then the one that Brooklyn always sat at. Before we were an us. Before I stopped sitting at the stupid Untouchables’ table for good and joined her where I should have always been.
“Because we’re family,” James said. “You don’t turn your back on family.”
I looked over at him. You just stab your family in the back? I should have been over it. And maybe I would have been if things had gone down differently. If I had Brooklyn wrapped in my arms like they all had their wives in theirs? Yeah, maybe I would have been more forgiving then.
“Well, I’m glad you all made up,” Penny said. She looked over at the window that James had punched like she was lost in thought.
There wasn’t much to think about. She was married to an asshole.
“I actually need to go check on something,” I said. “I’ll be back.” I walked away before I had to add something to my lie. I didn’t need to look at anything. And I wouldn’t be back. I needed to get the fuck out of this school. But before I could reach the front doors, my feet seemed to guide me to the auditorium.
I looked over my shoulder, like I was scared someone was going to catch me going in. But no one was following me. I pushed the door in and let it close behind me with a thud, bathing me in darkness.
Brooklyn and I had kissed for the first time right here. She said I’d stolen the kiss. So I promised her I’d steal all her firsts.
I closed my eyes, trying to remember what it felt like to have her beside me. But all I felt was…cold.
First kiss. First time. First love. She’d died before I could make good on my promise of all her firsts. I was supposed to marry that girl. She was supposed to have my children. She was supposed to be my family. My whole world.