“How so?” Skylar asks.
“Well for the girl it’s like a lot of work, you know? You’ve got to get down there and have this thing in your mouth…” He clears his throat and looks at his beer bottle…imagining it’s a dick?
I chuckle at my own stupid joke in my head. Maybe Sky is right. Maybe I do have an immaturity problem.
Ryan continues. “But when a guy goes down on a girl, it’s just part of the hookup, you know? It’s like part of the pre-sex routine.”
Skylar raises her eyebrows. “So you go down on her every time you two have sex?”
Ryan’s face gets a little red. He’s always been slightly more closed off when it comes to talking about sex. “Ah, well, yes. Well, except for the times that she just wants me to go down on her. Is that…normal?”
“Lucky bitch,” she mutters. “Federico never went down on me.”
“Never?!” I ask, then turn to Ryan. “Federico is Sky’s ex.”
Subtext: See, Ryan? Talking about your sex life is normal.
She shakes her head. “He didn’t believe in it. Some machismo thing. Anyways, thanks, ah for giving us your input, Ryan. I guess it’s a hard question to ask without getting personal.”
“Wait.” I hold up my hand, looking at Ryan. “You didn’t answer the question fully though. So how often does she go down on you?”
Ryan shifts, a little uncomfortably, in his seat. “Oh, you know. Birthdays and special occasions. It’s not something she’s—I mean, I’m—into all that much, to be honest.”
We both eye him quite suspiciously. “Wait. You’re not into BJs?” Sky retorts. “I thought every guy was.”
Ryan purses his lips. “I feel like they’re a little overrated, you know?”
Skylar and I make eye contact again, and I try to think of a way to respond to him, but I’m tongue-tied. So is she, it seems.
After we both finish our glass of wine, we grab our coats. I ask Ryan one more time if he wants to come out with us. He says no thank you and turns his show on the TV as we leave.
“Poor guy.” Skylar frowns as we walk the three or so blocks to Green Street, where all of the bars close to campus are located. “Only gets a blow job once a year on his birthday.”
“Don’t forget those other ‘special occasions.’”
“Like Flag Day?”
I crack up.
“Ah yes, Flag Day, June 14th. No better time for a blow job than Flag Day.” Sky guffaws at my emphasis on her joke.
“And she won’t just watch a show with him unless she wants to watch it,” she adds.
“Right?! So I’m not crazy. There’s something going on here.”
“I hate to be that person judging a couple’s relationship from just a two-day snapshot of what I’ve seen. But, where there’s smoke, there’s usually fire.” She shakes her head. “I definitely don’t get it. The week I get engaged—although that’s unlikely, let’s be honest—it’s going to be like, blow job city, population: my man.”
I bust out laughing. “He’ll be a lucky guy.”
It’s not lost on me her statement about how it’s unlikely she’ll ever get married. But I don’t want to prod.
Skylar continues. “And, just for the record, no I don’t think blow jobs mean true love.”
“Wait…they don’t?”
She rolls her eyes at me. “Let me be serious for one second. I’m saying, there is a certain symbolism in that he’ll go down on her and she won’t go down on him. It’s like she’s the dominant one.” We stop at a crosswalk and wait for the walk signal to change to green. She looks at me. “Is she…the dominant one in their relationship?”
We head across the street, then turn the corner. “Ryan is just really easygoing. He’ll go along with whatever a girl wants.”
“Maybe that’s just part of their natural dynamic, and we’re reading way too much into everything.” Skylar’s tone sounds more wishful than factual. “To each their own. He does seem like a happy-go-lucky guy. Maybe they’re just both really happy to have each other.”
“Let’s go with that,” I say as I open the door to Green Street Tavern so Skylar can walk in in front of me.
Inside, we grab a seat at a booth and both order a hot toddy and wings.
Green Street Tavern is one of the best bars in town for a few reasons. One, they don’t card you when you walk in. Two, they have a great bar area where you can casually stand and chat with friends as well as a big dance floor area in the next room over. Three, they have the best hot wings in Galesburg.
Skylar’s eyes light up when the wings arrive.
“Wet dreams, Luke. Wet dreams.”
A hot bolt of confusion fires through me. “Wet dreams?”
“These. I’ve been having wet dreams about these all winter break,” she says, pointing to the wings.
“Right. Wet dreams about the wings.” Not me.
Yep, just as I thought. Any electricity between Sky and I is totally in my head.
I take my first bite, and I don’t doubt her. It’s damn delicious. “Try it with the ranch. It’s a complete mouthgasm,” I say.
“Mmm,” she says, jokingly rolling her eyes up in the back of her head. “I can totally feel my mouth gasming. Speaking of mouthgasms…where do you stand on the whole going down on a girlfriend situation? You haven’t weighed in yet.”
“I’m in favor.”
“I hope so. But like…how in favor?”
“Are you asking me how often I’d go down on my girlfriend?”
“Yes.”
I lick some of the hot sauce from my lips. “That’s personal, Sky.”
“Oh, please. So you can ask others…but you can’t be asked? That’s hypocritical of you.”
“Well, you already know my ultimate fantasy,” I joke, referring to something I’d said once in a game of ‘Never Have I Ever.’
“Does that ultimate fantasy still hold true? Never have you ever been woken up by a girl with a BJ?”
“Still true,” I say, wiggling my eyebrows. “Just waiting for the right one to come along and make my dreams come true.”
“You’re really serious about the whole wake-up-head fantasy, aren’t you?” She grins wryly.
“So serious. If a girl didn’t do that for me, there’s no way they’re getting a ring. Case closed.” At this point, I don’t even know if I’m serious. But it’s such a big running joke between us, I’m going to play along.
And—who am I kidding—I thought about what it would be like to have Sky wake me up with her mouth this very morning. She sneaked into my thoughts, like she often does.
“Okay, we’re getting off topic,” she says. “I’m trying to ask you how often you would orally pleasure your girlfriend. Like how has it been for you with girlfriends in the past?”
I shift my shoulders a little bit. “You know, I’d have to say, I don’t know. I’ve never had what you would call a ‘girlfriend.’”
“I don’t understand.”