Roger touches Sky’s belly, then looks at me almost accusatorily. “Are you pregnant?”
We both chuckle.
“No, she’s not pregnant,” I say. “Also, we have a favor to ask. Can you give a speech at the wedding ceremony?”
I hand Roger a piece of paper with instructions. He reads it.
“So you’re already telling me what you want my speech to be on? Isn’t that my choice?”
Sky reaches out and puts her hand on his forearm. “You can add your usual Roger flair to it. But, you’ve been a really meaningful person to both of us, and we just want you to include that one bit.”
He rereads the piece of paper. “It’s an unusual comment for me to make.”
“I know. But we’ll love you forever for doing it,” Sky says.
“Just like you’ll be loving each other. With a capital ‘L.’ And Forever, too.” His eyes dart suspiciously between us. “Marriage is till death do you part, so that better be with a capital F. I’m looking at you, Captain Womanizer. Are you really as changed a man as you say?”
Sky and I both clam up.
The ‘L-word’ is still a topic we’ve not broached.
Roger notices our hesitation. “Or are you some of those people who plan to get married three, four times in your life? I’m not judging that, by the way. I just want to know what kind of speech I should be giving.”
“Just read it, please,” Sky says.
Little does Roger know that his speech is one of the final parts of incepting parallels between Sky and I, and Ryan and Jennifer.
And all is going according to plan. We both agree that Ryan might actually crack. We’ve just got to give him one more little nudge.
The first Sunday of May is the day.
I mill around with the groomsmen in the vestibule. We’ve chosen to do the ceremony at an old local church in town. Luckily they didn’t seem too worried about interviewing Sky and I about the reality of our commitment. I’m not very religious these days, but that would have sucked, lying to a priest.
Yet I’m fine with putting on this elaborate show for the rest of the world. I need to get my head checked.
“Hey best man, is my tie straight?” I ask.
Ryan comes over and fiddles with it.
“Looks good.” He folds his arms and takes a step back. “Christ, man. I’ve never seen you happier. You’re not even nervous.”
I roll my shoulders and shift uncomfortably.
“Uh, excuse me?”
“I mean it’s just apparent that Skylar makes you so damn happy. I’ve really noticed the change in you this term. I know it’s quick, but I get it. You two are in love and you know what you want. When you know, you know. I was skeptical at first, but I admire that you’re following through on it.”
I start to facepalm, then shift to just running a hand through my hair so he can’t see my internal reaction.
Jesus fucking H.
All term I’ve been trying to play the ‘angsty guy forcing himself into a commitment he’s not ready for.’ Apparently I am a horrible actor. Or Ryan and I have just drifted so far apart this year that we’re not on the same page any more.
But I refuse to throw in the towel on Operation Romper. I’m not going out there to say my I-Do’s and have it be all for naught. Maybe underneath Ryan’s charade I’m teaching him something.
Hey, I can hold on to hope. Plus, maybe him thinking I’m all happy is a good thing. Then once we set the breakup in motion, he’ll be shocked and seriously evaluate his own upcoming wedding.
I put my hand on Ryan’s shoulder and fire one more shot for DiCaprio. “You and Jennifer have just inspired me, man. I saw how close two people could really be—how they could share their deepest, darkest desires with each other and make a commitment at this young age. It really got me thinking. I think we have the same depth of connection that you and Jennifer have.”
I see Ryan avert his eyes at the words, ‘deepest, darkest desires.’ Obviously I don’t know what they say behind closed doors, but I have a hunch he and Jennifer aren’t able to share theirs.
Roger walks up and pats my shoulder. “Hey, careful. You’ll steal my speech! Talking about the similarities between Ryan and Jennifer, and you and Sky!”
Ryan gives Roger a funny look. “Why would you bring up Jennifer and I in your speech today?”
I dart Roger a glare and shake my head. This is supposed to be subtle.
Even though Roger is not privy to how deep me and Sky’s sabotage goes, he can’t let it slip that we primed him for the speech to incept the idea—yet again—that Sky and I are ‘just like Jennifer and Ryan!’ as a couple.
“Guys, I can’t thank you all enough for your support today. You’re like my family. And marriage is the most serious commitment a man can ever make. It’s forever,” I say, emphasizing the seriousness of the word toward Ryan. “And ever.”
“Unless you get a divorce,” Roger reminds us. “It happens to fifty percent of couples these days.”
We notice Ryan physically clam up at Roger’s words, like he often does when the topic of marriage is brought up.
“Well that could never happen to me,” I say.
I have to give it to Roger, with everything he says I like him more and more. He might as well be in on Operation Romper with us.
“We’ve got ten minutes until the ceremony,” Ryan says, looking at his watch. “I’m going to hit the bathroom.”
He leaves and I peek out into the other lobby, where the rest of the groomsmen, mostly baseball players and my fraternity brothers, are hanging out, then step into the main room and blow out an audible sigh.
“How am I doing?” Roger asks.
“How are you doing? Do you mean how am I doing?”
“No, I mean how am I doing?” Roger leans in and lowers his voice, a wry smile turning up the corners of his lips. “Sky told me about Operation Romper last night.”
A rush of hot adrenaline fuels through me, and I do my best to suppress my rage. “Oh. She did, did she?”
Why in God’s name would she reveal that? And not tell me?
Roger nods. “To be fair, I got her drunk—we needed to have a bachelorette party and she didn’t care if she had one or not, which I thought was a bit odd. So I cornered her in her room, and gave her shots until she told me what the hell was going on with you two. I couldn’t have her throwing her life away, getting married to you at this young age. So she told me the truth. She told me everything.”
I take a deep breath and swallow. Always better to be aloof when you’re really angry. Think of the nicest thing you can say to someone. “You’re a good friend to Sky, Roger. I respect that.”
“You’re not mad?”
“I’ll deal with it. And I respect the fact that you’re concerned for Sky’s well-being. I would be too.”
“Oh, gosh. Good. I was worried you’d freak.”
I lean in closer to Roger, my jaw clenching. I’m not trying to intimidate him, but it’s hard to hide my intensity right now. I look him in the eye and continue. “I’m not mad. But if you tell another soul, I will be. Ian included. Do not let this cat any more out of the bag than it already is. Is that understood? I’m not going to have this entire five month, real-life performance piece be ruined because of gossipy mouths. You know how fast this would whirl around campus.”