Being around her hurts so much.
More so because I see how much pain she is in and I want to help glue back the broken pieces of her heart, but she won’t let me. She won’t let me in at all. She’s still the same stubborn feisty girl I met in Dublin, buried under a bigger mountain of pain and grief.
And I’m still the same impatient determined fucker.
Viv can push me away until the cows come home. She can hurt me with her words and her anger and her indifference, but I’m going nowhere.
We’re both still the same people we were, yet we’re not. She’s a mother now, and her protective instincts are strong. Her sense of self-preservation might be rocked in the aftermath of her loss, and she might feel like she’s drowning, but she knows who she is and what she wants in a way she didn’t understand when we first met. It’s unlucky for me what she wants is my body transported to Mars where she never has to see me or deal with me ever again.
I know what I want too. I have clarity in a way I’ve never had it before. I want Vivien and Easton. I want a chance to prove I can be there for them. I don’t know if Viv can ever love me again, but I will take her any way I can get her. Even if we are never more than friends and coparents.
I know I can never replace Reeve.
Nor would I want to.
My feelings for my twin are still a clusterfuck of epic proportions. I have accepted I got some of it wrong, but Reeve wasn’t the perfect angel Viv seems to think he was. Those photos are still burning a hole in my pocket, and I’m fucking dying to know how they ended up in their car that night. I’m guessing Reeve hired a PI to spy on Viv when she was in Dublin. It’s the only explanation that makes sense. I remember that guy I spotted creeping around a couple of times, and I’m convinced he was paid to watch us. My blood boils thinking about it. Every memory I have of our time together is singed around the edges now, knowing some fucking asshole was taking pictures of us and sending them back to Reeve.
No wonder he was lying in wait for her the instant she stepped off the plane that day. He knew we were in love, and he was determined to get her back and willing to play dirty to do it. Begrudging admiration wars with seething rage as I think of how he manipulated things. And, yes, I know I’m a fucking hypocrite.
The truth is, we both manipulated Vivien in different ways. Neither one of us was ever worthy of her.
“I don’t know, Vivien,” Carson says, dragging me out of my head. “Reeve didn’t explain his decision. He just asked me to make the amendment to his will.”
“You can have it all,” I offer, locking eyes with her for the first time since we entered the room. “I’ll reassign it back to you.”
“I don’t want it or need it,” Vivien says. “I’m just shocked Reeve would do that. I know he spoke about giving you your share that day you were at the house, but that was before he suspected who you were.”
“We won’t ever know his motivations for sure,” Ash says. “But I for one think this shows the kind of man your husband was. He was ensuring Dillon got the inheritance that was rightfully his. No matter what he thought of him, he didn’t let it interfere with doing what he felt was right.”
Vivien nods, and I glance at the blank screen on the wall, wondering when Viv’s parents exited this conversation. I must have been lost in my thoughts when they said their goodbyes. “Perhaps your brother should dwell on that in light of his actions.” Viv speaks to Ash as if I’m not even in the room, and it fucking infuriates me to no end.
“If I wanted to transfer the inheritance to Easton, is that possible?” I ask the solicitor.
He nods. “Of course. It’s yours to do with as you please.”
I expect Viv to object, but she says nothing, looking like she’s checked out again.
Carson draws the meeting to a close, and I tune out his nasally voice, studying the woman who owns my heart. She stares at the wall, as if she’s staring through it, while nibbling on her lower lip. I’ve noticed Viv zoning out, every so often, staring off into space with the most forlorn look on her face.
I never doubted she loved Reeve. She never tried to hide that from me, and I respected her for her integrity. But it’s painfully obvious now how much he meant to her. He was her everything, in a way I’ve never been, and that’s a bitter pill to swallow.
I know I shouldn’t be envious of my dead brother. It’s a pointless emotion. But I can’t help how I feel. I have always been in his shadow, and I will continue to remain there, even though he is no longer here.
“Earth to dumbass,” Ash says, tugging on my arm. “The meeting is over. Everyone is gone. I thought you wanted to talk to Viv.”
“Shit.” I jump up. “Yes. Come on. You need to hear this too.” I drag my poor sister out of the room, telling her to take off her shoes so she can chase me down the stairs. The lift is already gone, taking Viv with it, and I need to stop her before she leaves.
Short of turning up on her doorstep—which I’m reluctant to do because a confrontation is the last thing Easton needs to witness—this is the only chance I may have to speak to her. Viv needs to know, so we can get ahead of this.
I burst through the doors of the car park just as Viv and Audrey reach their SUV. “Wait!” I holler, racing toward them. Viv, predictably, ignores me, climbing behind the wheel. I grab the door before she can close it. “Don’t. Fucking. Ignore. Me.”
“What do you want, Dillon?” Audrey asks, leaning across the console to stare at me.
“To get to know my son and the opportunity to make things up to the woman I love, but”—I raise one palm, keeping my other hand firmly on the car door, as I don’t trust Viv not to slam it in my face—“I know what the reply would be, so that’s not why we currently need to talk.”
“Jesus Christ, Dillon,” Ash says, materializing behind me. She’s panting and a little red in the face. “I think I just ripped the seam of my trousers. If I did, you’re buying me a new suit.”
“I have nothing to say to you,” Viv says, looking straight ahead.
“Look at me,” I snap, getting sick of this crap. I know she’s in mourning. I know I’m a piece-of-shit dumbass fuckface. But she can still look at me when she’s talking to me.
“What, Dillon?” she hisses, turning to face me. “What do you want?”
“We have a mutual problem we need to discuss.”
“What problem?” Ash straightens up, putting her serious face on.
“Don’t freak,” I tell my sister, knowing it’s pointless. “I only found out about it this morning.”
“Found out about what?” Audrey asks, looking troubled.
I blow air out of my mouth, hating I have to blurt it out like this, but if I don’t, Viv will run off and she’ll find out in the worst possible way. “The press know about me. They’ve found out I’m Reeve’s twin brother.”
“How?” Ash asks when it’s clear Viv is in a state of numbed shock.
“A reporter noticed the resemblance as I was leaving the funeral, and she started digging. She got her hands on a copy of my naturalization application. It lists Reeve as my brother. She wants an exclusive interview with me. She’s given me forty-eight hours to agree or she’s running the story.”