“Mom made a mistake. A huge mistake by having me when she wasn’t ready. And I had to pay for it. Me.” He pounds his chest. “I have to pay for it for the rest of my life. Is that what you want for your baby? To pay for your stupid mistakes? And what about him? Do you think he’ll help you?”
Him.
At the mention of him, the flutters in my belly go haywire.
I know — I read in the books — that you don’t really feel the baby until your fourth month. But I don’t care what the books say.
I can feel her now.
So strongly. So vividly.
She does this whenever he’s mentioned. Like she knows him already.
“I always told you to stay away from him. Always. He’s exactly like our father,” Conrad says. “Selfish. Arrogant. Irresponsible. Mom kept thinking that he would change. He would make promises that he would. But I saw him for what he was. He was a fucking asshole who never kept his promises. Who lied and who cheated on her over and over. I never told you that, did I?”
Shocked, I shake my head and whisper, “No.”
“Yeah, he’d cheat on her. He’d sleep around. Why? Because his freedom was taken away too soon. Because he didn’t want responsibilities. So Mom had to bear them. So Mom had to work herself to the bone to provide for all of us. I was happy the day he decided to leave. We were better off without him. Mom was better off without him. She bloomed after he left. Because he was poison. Mom kept thinking that he was a hero but he turned out to be a villain. Like him. The asshole who didn’t even protect you from all this.”
He did.
He did protect me.
He’s protected me in so many ways and hurt me in so many others but he did try to protect me from this.
It didn’t work. But he did try.
“It doesn’t matter anyway.” Conrad releases a long sigh. “Because if Ledge doesn’t kill him, I will. And I will make it painful. So you better pray that Ledge finishes the job and kills that asshole before I get my hands on him. But make no mistake, Callie, I won’t let you ruin your life. I won’t let you ruin your dreams. I couldn’t protect you before but I’m going to protect you now.”
“Jackson!”
I hear my name shouted like a vile curse from behind me and I stop walking.
I knew he’d come for me.
I got a couple of texts from my old high school buddies that Ledger has been asking about me, about where to find me. They didn’t tell me why but I could figure it out.
I could figure out that they knew.
That she’d told them.
I knew she was home this weekend. Pest told me because I asked. Because I’m done pretending that I don’t want to keep tabs on her.
Especially now.
And so I’ve been waiting for him, for Ledger, to come for me.
Like I was two years ago.
When I broke his little sister’s heart and him and his friends jumped me in the woods, the ones where she danced for me for the first time. Took him two days to come get me back then.
I’m glad he’s working faster now.
Turning around, I fist my hands at my sides as I watch Ledger stride through the parking lot. I just got done at the office, poring over this new construction project in the town of St. Mary’s, a strip mall.
It’s exactly as boring as it sounds but I don’t care.
I don’t fucking care that I have to work at this company. That now I might have to keep doing it for the rest of my life.
Before, I used to think I might get out one day.
When she’s graduated from St. Mary’s and she’s at Juilliard, too far away for my father to touch, I might think about winning this war.
But now I don’t care about getting out.
I’ll work here, if I have to. For the rest of my life. If that’s what it takes to keep my father happy and out of my life.
I have other concerns now.
Other goals. Other wars that I need to win, like protecting people.
Keeping them safe and untouched at all costs.
At any fucking cost.
When her brother reaches me, I nod at him. “Ledger.”
His chest is moving up and down in agitation. I can hear his furious breaths.
He’s always been a hothead. Not a good quality in a soccer player, but extremely helpful when you want to screw with someone. And I have. Screwed with him. A lot.
Just because I could. Just because it was fun.
Just because I was at war with my father and I wanted to win and Ledger was in my way. He’s more collateral damage. So I don’t blame him when, instead of using his words, he uses his fist on me.
I even see it coming.
I see his shoulders twitch and tighten, his right arm shifting back a little before he swings it and lays one precisely on my jaw.
Fuck.
He’s gotten stronger, hasn’t he?
The pain explodes in my jaw and I ricochet back, almost stumbling. But somehow, I don’t go down. I manage to stay upright, and that pisses me the fuck off.
This is all he’s got?
After what I did to his sister.
So when I finally straighten up, crack my neck and tap my pulsating jaw to get ready, I decide to up the ante. “Well, good to see you too, Ledge.”
My casual response enrages him more, as I knew it would. And so the next time he comes at me, he does it harder. So much so that I go back a couple of steps, my jaw on fire.
Yet I don’t go down.
Yet I straighten back up and face him, his wrathful eyes, his furious face as he bites out, “You fucking asshole.”
What the fuck is he doing?
He’s embarrassing himself. He’s embarrassing me.
I need him to do better than that.
“Yeah, same to you.” I jerk my chin at him. “Not that I don’t enjoy our witty repartee but care to enlighten me on why we’re meeting like this? Feels like old times.”
The vessel on his temple seems to be on the verge of exploding. “You’re fucking kidding me, right?”
I pretend to think about it. “Not really, no. If I was, you’d be laughing. Trust me. I’ve got a killer sense of humor.”
Another punch.
Now we’re getting somewhere.
“You know, we could go back and forth like this,” I tell him, panting, wiping the blood off my chin, “or you could just tell me what the fuck your problem is. So I can properly thank you for this special treatment.”
That does it, I think.
That gets him going and he stares at me like I’m the lowest of the low. “Yeah. Yeah, let me tell you what you did. Let me tell you exactly what you did, you motherfucker.”
With that, he launches himself at me.
His fists come crashing down, his bones connecting with mine, over and over and over.
And I take it all.
I welcome it all. I welcome his wrath, his fury, his anger.
I welcome his disgust at me.
It finally matches mine.
It finally rivals my crime. What I did to her.