“He watchin’ us,” Rosie said.
“Will he ever come back?” Junie asked.
Tears welled in Leah’s eyes, and she struggled to keep them at bay. “No, honey.”
“But he’s always with you,” Tank reassured them. “River loved you both and your mother very much, and he left you with something very special.”
“What?” Junie asked.
“Memories,” Tank said. “When you miss River, all you have to do is think about him and remember all the good times you had together. Then it’s like he’s right there with you. My sister went up to heaven, too, and when I miss her, I think about the way she’d sneak up on me and jump on my back for piggyback rides and how she’d tease me about being the Jolly Green Giant because I’m so big.”
Rosie giggled. “She watchin’ you?”
Tank brushed his hand over her golden-brown curls. “She is, all the time. Tell me about River.”
Lord, this man…
“He singed,” Rosie said.
“He played the guitar and sang our favowite songs,” Junie added. “And he told us stowies.”
“When we moved here, he got a guitar at the Swap Shop and taught himself to play,” Leah explained. “Their favorite songs were ‘Idle Town’ by Conan Gray and ‘Dynamite’ by BTS.” She could still hear River singing about inventing games, watching the sunrise, and being okay because everyone they loved was right there with them in their Idle Town.
Tank nodded with a serious expression. “I don’t know those songs, but give me a sec.” He pulled out his phone and navigated on it, and then “Idle Town” began playing.
Junie and Rosie exclaimed, “Our Town!”
Leah and the girls sang along, but there was no stopping Leah’s tears from falling. Tank reached across the space between the beds and squeezed her hand. Then he focused on his phone again. He held it up, showing her the lyrics, and began singing with them, which caused more tears.
When the song ended, Rosie looked up at the ceiling and said, “G’night, Wiver.”
Tank kissed her forehead. “Get some sleep, cheeky girl.”
“I love you, baby,” Leah said as she kissed Junie good night, and then she and Tank switched places. It was surprising how natural it felt for him to be there with them.
Junie hugged him, and as she lay down, her brow furrowed. “Thank you for saving us.”
Leah realized Junie had been thinking about their conversation all day, and her chest tightened. From the look on Tank’s face, his had, too.
He moved Junie’s ringlets away from her eyes with one thick, tattooed finger and kissed her forehead. “You’re welcome.”
“Will you be here in the mornin’?”
“Yeah, Twitch, I will. Sweet dreams.” He pushed to his feet, taking one last look at the girls, and stopped beside Leah in the doorway, giving her hand another squeeze. “I’ll be outside if you need me.”
As he walked out, Leah knew she had to talk to him and figure out if she was so grief-stricken, she was misconstruing things, because if she was, then she and the girls needed to wean themselves off him before they got in any deeper.
Chapter Six
TANK PACED BESIDE his truck, feeling all twisted up inside. For the first time since Ashley died, he felt something good amid the grief that weighed down the very air he breathed. That was fucked up, considering the awful circumstances, but he had no idea how to tamp down feelings that were strong enough to burn through years of torment. He should probably put distance between himself and Leah and the girls. But he’d be damned if he’d walk away from them when they needed him most.
He heard the front door open, and Leah stepped onto the porch, cute as hell in skinny jeans and a forest-green sweatshirt. His heart thudded harder as he went to her. “Are the girls okay?”
“Yeah. Thank you for finding that song and helping with them. They fell right to sleep. I just needed some air and thought we could talk. Unless you have to go? I mean, that’s okay—”
“Leah, I’m not going anywhere.” They sat on the porch steps, and he leaned his forearms on his knees. “Was today too much?”
“No. We needed to get out of the house. The truth is, if it weren’t for the girls, I’d probably hide beneath my covers and never come out. But they deserve more than sitting around watching me try to remember how to breathe. I appreciate that you somehow knew that.”
He stared out at the yard, remembering that feeling all too well. “I know about wanting to hide from the rest of the world. After Ashley died, my family tried to get me out of the house, but I wouldn’t go. It was a dark time. I said awful things to my brothers when they tried to get through to me, and when Blaine and Maverick tried to tough love me into remembering that I was still alive even if Ash wasn’t, I got in a knock-down, drag-out brawl with them. But for the longest time, I felt like if I didn’t think of her twenty-four-seven, my memories would slip away.”
“That’s exactly how I feel.”
“I figured it was. That’s why I’m sharing this with you. It’s important to grieve, but it’s also important to remember that you’re still here, because grief can destroy a person, and I don’t want that to happen to you. Especially since the girls rely on you.” He cocked his head, meeting her solemn gaze. “It would have been better for everyone if I’d listened to them and gotten out of my own head sooner, but I couldn’t. Some days I still struggle. Ashley was six years younger than me. We had a special connection.”
“Almost the same age difference as me and River.”
“I hate that we have this in common. I wish you’d never experienced this type of pain.”
“But I have, and now all I can do is get through it. Talking helps. Tell me about your sister.”
“She was…” He sighed, thinking about where to start. “She was a lot like Rosie when she was that age. Ash was always so eager to do everything, happy all the time. She was up with the sun, even as a teenager. I used to tell her she fed off it.” He warmed with the memories. “She was thirteen when I moved out of our parents’ house. We were so close, she started calling me when she couldn’t sleep or when she had something exciting to share. That was our thing, you know? She knew I’d drop everything for her. When she went away to school, she still called a lot.” His throat thickened. “And then suddenly she was gone, and I had no idea how to move on from there.”
“I know how that feels.”
“I know you do, but I wish you didn’t.”
“Do you mind if I ask what happened to Ashley?”
He shook his head. “She was home from college for the weekend and she overdosed. She’d never even touched drugs before that night.”
“Oh, Tank. I’m so sorry. Do you know why she used drugs that night?”
He nodded. “We found out from her best friend, Bethany, that she’d hooked up with some asshole at school and he ran his mouth about it and was a total dick to her. Ash was tough, but she was sensitive. She’d never hook up with a guy unless she really liked him. Bethany said Ash was so embarrassed, she didn’t want to go back to school.” He didn’t need to tell her that he’d tracked down the fucker and made him pay for what he’d done. “Ash told Bethany that she wanted to forget the stupid prick and she bought ecstasy from someone at school, hoping to do just that. They were going to try it together, but Bethany talked her out of it. I guess Ashley changed her mind when she got home that night.” His chest tightened. “She was only nineteen when she died.”