“I hope whoever he is, that he’s worth giving up your family.”
“His name is Lance. He’s a doctor at the hospital. He’s smart and successful. He also has a beautiful daughter that might someday be your granddaughter if you’d pull your head out of your ass.”
“You two are getting an innocent child mixed up in your debauchery?”
I snap. It’s one thing to insult me and my life, but it’s another to insinuate Lance is doing something wrong by being a gay parent.
“I swear to God, if you don’t get out of my face, I’ll drop you to the floor, old man. You’ve pushed this too far because that man is the very best father I’ve ever seen. And that’s including your sorry ass.” I shove past him and down the hall to change so I can meet Lance at his place.
“I want you out. Take your shit and go,” he shouts after me.
I flip around and face him. “Oh right, and suddenly you’re going to step up and be a dad to Eli? You gonna help him with his homework? Make him dinner every night? Go grocery shopping? Pay the bills? Because last I checked, it was me doing all those things.”
“I don’t need you. I let you do all that because you wanted to.”
“You think at seventeen-years-old I wanted to get up in the middle of the night to feed my newborn brother? You think I wanted to put myself through nursing school and make sure my kid brother makes it to basketball practice? All while you came home and sat your ass in that recliner? I did it because the day Mom died, you gave up on life.” I ball my fists at my sides.
I didn’t realize how much anger and resentment had built up over the years. I convinced myself he was working too hard to do everything. When I had it all wrong. He wasn’t man enough to take on his own responsibilities. He let a kid do it instead.
“Don’t you ever talk to me like that about your mom. She’d be embarrassed of the man you’ve become,” he spits out.
With every ounce of self-control I have, I leave him in the hall and go inside my room, slamming the door behind me. He wants me gone? He thinks he can do everything I’ve been taking care of for over half my life? Well, fuck him. He can try.
I find a couple duffle bags at the bottom of my closet and toss some clothes inside. I storm to the bathroom and gather my toiletries, throwing them inside a bag too. I don’t have time or space to pack everything, so I only take what’s necessary for a few days. I don’t know where I’ll stay, but I know it won’t be here. I’m sure Lance will let me crash at his place for a few days until I can figure my life out.
I should’ve done this a long time ago, but I wanted to get Eli to college or on the path to whatever he wants to do with his life. He graduates in six months. That’s close enough.
I’m glad when I leave my room and Dad isn’t in the hallway. As angry as I am, I worry my temper would get the best of me and I don’t want to do something I’ll regret.
I load up my car and speed away from my childhood home and everything I’ve ever known. I’ll call Eli from Lance’s house to let him know what’s going on. He’s going to be upset, but I hope by promising him nothing will change between us, it’ll soften the blow.
Five minutes later, I’m parking and heading up the elevator. I don’t bother knocking when I get to his door. Lance made it clear I can skip that step when he gave me a key to the condo just in case I ever needed it. We might be moving fast, but it feels right. I haven’t had one moment of hesitation when it comes to him and Lane. We just fit. And fuck whoever has a problem with it.
“Doc?” I call out when I don’t immediately see him.
“Bathroom,” he calls from inside his room. It has an ensuite with a bathtub, unlike the hall bathroom that only has a shower.
I drop my bags and seek him out. I stand in the doorway and take in the most adorable sight. Lane’s in the bathtub, resting on some kind of soft sponge in the shape of a giant teddy bear. She’s wide awake and her gaze is fixed on the floating bubbles Lance is blowing over her. Her hands and legs pump up and down in time, and is that a—
“Is she smiling?” I ask inching further into the room and kneeling next to Lance.
“Yeah. Can you believe it? The nanny said she smiled at her today and I didn’t believe her. I told her it was probably a gas bubble. Then I put her in the tub and she smiled up at me like she’s been doing it her whole life.”
I wrap an arm around his waist and lean my head on his shoulder. We watch as she kicks and smiles toothlessly. It’s almost enough to make me forget what happened back at the house. Almost.
“How are you? You feel tense.” Lance blows another round of bubbles.
“Need a roommate? At least for a week or two?”
He screws the lid on the soapy mixture and his face scrunches in concern. “What happened?”
“My dad kicked me out. We didn’t talk about me being gay after I came out to him, but he never said he was against it per se. I guess it was wishful thinking that he was cool with it. He figured the reason I was spending time away from home was because I met someone and he spelled things out for me. He’s okay with me being gay as long as he doesn’t ever have to meet my partner or see us together.”
“Were you thinking of introducing us?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know. Of course I want to share the people in my life who are important, but I wasn’t planning on taking that step yet. I wanted to talk it over with you. But he assumed things were getting serious since I wasn’t coming home except to sleep,” I explain.
“Babe, you wanted me to meet your family. I love that,” he coos.
“Are you even listening to the words coming out of my mouth?”
“I am, but I’m choosing to ignore the blatant homophobia and skip to the part where Lane and I mean so much to you that you want us to meet your dad.”
“You’re so fucking weird.” I give him a quick kiss so he doesn’t take his eyes off Lane for too long.
I’m instantly cheered up. I don’t know how he managed to get me from a level ten nuclear meltdown back to happy, but it’s part of the reason I care so deeply for him.
“I know and I’m sorry things went so badly. I don’t mean to make light of it.”
“It’s okay. But is it cool if I stay until I can find my own place?”
“Of course. However long you need.” He squeezes my hand reassuringly. “All right, little Lane. Time for a bottle and bed.”
I hold a towel wide and he hands me the wet baby who cries when the cold air hits her skin. I bundle her up tight and walk out to the changing table while Lance cleans up the tub. I secure a diaper on her and rub lotion into her baby soft skin. She watches me with curious blue eyes, like she’s only now realizing there’s a person attached to the voice she’s been hearing. And maybe she is because until recently, she was more asleep than awake. I put her pajamas on and play a game of patty cake with her feet.
Then it happens. Her lips spread wide and she beams up at me, letting out a coo. My eyes well with emotion I can’t put a name on. Pride or something. It’s in this moment I realize I’ve fallen in love with this tiny human. It didn’t take long, but how could it since she was only a week old when we met? Parents fall in love with their babies when they first lay eyes on them, I’m not saying I’m anything close to her dad, but I’m something.