“Hey baby,” I say, kissing his forehead. “Have you been good for Aunt Ashlyn and Aunt Mila?”
My sister laughs. “No. That child is a menace. He takes after you.”
Hollis pouts. “She's telling stories, Mommy. I good boy.”
Ashlyn comes over and grabs him off me. “You're a very good boy, H,” she tells him. “Aunt Mila doesn't know what she's talking about.”
I smile as I watch her take over with my son. My best friend has been a godsend throughout his life. After finding out I was pregnant, I knew I had two options: I could either terminate and try to move on, forcing myself to forget it ever happened, or I could put the baby first. The answer was clear. And when my parents told me I was no longer their daughter because I was pregnant out of wedlock, I knew I made the right decision, because I would never do that to my son.
Despite the circumstances, I've done well. I have a small apartment for Hollis and me, but the neighborhood is safe and there’s space for him to play outside. I have a job that allows me to work from home. Mila and Ashlyn take turns coming over and watching him for me while I get work done. Honestly, I don't know what I would do without either of them. They have been my saviors in all of this. But out of everyone, Hollis has been the most important. He's everything, and every day that I watch him grow amazes me even more. I never knew I could love someone as much as I love him.
“But I want to play with Mommy,” Hollis tells Ashlyn as she carries him away.
She looks over at me and crinkles her nose. “It looks like Mommy needs a nap.”
“Mommy just needs to get laid,” Mila jokes, and Ashlyn and I cough to cover up her words.
Hollis giggles. “Mommy buys me toys when she gets laid!”
Oh God. “No, honey. It's paid. When Mommy gets paid.”
“Paid. Paid. Paid!”
Ashlyn puts him down as he scurries away. “What happened to that one guy you were seeing?”
“Yeah, what was his name? Jon? Ron?” She snaps her fingers. “Rob!”
I chuckle and shrug. “He had a tiny...”
“Aw, he had a push-pop,” Mila quips with a giggle.
“Push pops?” Hollis chimes in. “I love push pops!”
Ashlyn facepalms while I cringe. “Okay, maybe we should put him down for a nap before we have this conversation.”
“I've got it,” Ash says as she gets up and grabs him as he tries to run away. “Come on, little H. It's nap time for you.”
He struggles in her hold. “But I don't want a nap! I'm not sleepy!”
“Sure you are, buddy,” she tells him as he starts to yawn.
As my best friend puts my son down, Mila scrolls through her phone.
“Hey-la, your boyfriend's back,” she singsongs.
I look over at her like she's talking nonsense. “What?”
She turns her phone around, and an article about Harland is on the screen.
Sound the Sirens' Harland Storm is Heading Home to Weather His Own Storm.
Okay, whoever wrote that could have been a little less obvious. Still, I knew about all the shit that went down with Lindsey, because I needed to convince Ashlyn that finding her and slitting her throat was a bad idea. I didn't know he was coming home, though. The last time I saw Harland was when I was running from his house, and that's not a memory I like to relive.
The one secret I've kept from my best friend. The only thing in my whole life that I've never told her. The sole thing that could make her hate me—the night I spent with her brother and the result of that night, my son. The only person I did tell is my sister, which is exactly why she's looking at me right now with mischief in her eyes.
“He was already falling asleep before I even made it out the door,” Ash tells me as she comes back in the room.
My brows furrow. “I didn't know Harland was coming home.”
She looks confused for a second, and then her eyes go wide. “Shit! That's today?” She grabs her phone off the coffee table. “I've got to go! Love you!”
“Love you, too,” I call back to her as she runs out the door.
Meanwhile, Mila is bouncing her eyebrows at me suggestively as she shakes his picture in my face. I roll my eyes and throw my arm over my face.
I'm totally fucked.
There are certain times when being a mom is a little harder than normal. Take his birthday, for example. Trying to juggle working and taking care of Hollis is a lot, but add planning his fourth birthday party to the mix, and I'm a walking train wreck.
“What do you want at your party, H?” I ask him as he plays with his favorite toy dinosaur.
He looks up at me and smiles. “Presents!”
“Well, obviously.”
“And cake! Lots of cake!”
My grin widens as I watch his joy at such simple things. “There will be plenty of cake, baby boy. But what do you want for you and your friends to do?”
Not that he has that many friends. I've tried to get him out and socialize at the park and such, but whenever someone looks at how young I am, you can see the judgment in their eyes. I can practically watch as they do the math in their head and their eyes go to my hand to look for a ring.
Seriously, this isn't the 50s.
“Bounce house!” he yells and then proceeds to get up and jump. “Bounce! Bounce! Bounce!”
I can always tell when Hollis is getting ready to take a nap, because he fights it hard. He becomes overactive to try to keep himself awake. The problem is, if I let it happen, he becomes a total nightmare to get to sleep at all. Overtired toddlers are the worst.
“Okay, we can get a bounce house, but you need to take a nap for Mommy while I plan your party. Can you do that?”
His bottom lip sticks out in a way that always turns me to mush. “But I don't want to, Mommy. I’m not tired.”
“Even so, you need a nap.”
I reach out and take his hand and lead him down the hallway toward his room.
An hour and a half later, I've got the bounce house booked as well as the cake ordered, and a face painter scheduled. My thought is that the more there is for him to do at his party, the less he will notice the lack of other kids there. I have a few people coming, like the two little girls who live downstairs and the boy from across the courtyard, but sometimes I wish I had the money to put him in daycare so he could make friends.
I'm shopping online, searching for different presents he wants, making his wish list, when there's a knock at the door. There are only two people it could be, but being as Mila is at her friend's house, getting ready for her bachelorette party, it has to be Ashlyn.
“Why are you knocking? Just come in!”
Nothing. No movement comes from the door. No sound of keys on the other side.
I sigh and toss my computer onto the couch and make my way toward the entrance.
“Ash, I've told you,” I groan. “I gave you a key for a reason.”
But as I open the door, the words are sucked right out of me. Harland leans in the doorway, looking like everything I remember, only hotter. The scruff that lines his face makes me want to run my fingers against it and feel it prick my skin, and the look in his eyes shows all he's been through the last few weeks.