Out of all of it, the part that sucks the most is that the one person I would talk to about it, doesn't want to hear a single word from me. I texted Ashlyn when I woke up this morning, but never heard anything back. Everything feels different without her. It's like she's been such a huge part of my life for so long that I don't know how to function without her. And this morning’s drama just intensifies that feeling.
Keys jingle outside the door and it opens, letting me know that Mila is here. She called me a little while ago, and I was able to play it cool for a bit, until she made a joke about Harland and I lost it. Immediately she told me she would come over as soon as she got off work.
“Can you grab me a bottle of water on your way through the kitchen, Meel?” I call.
She doesn't answer, but I hear the sound of the fridge opening, and before I know it, a water bottle falls into my lap.
“Thanks.”
I'm mid-sip when the voice that echoes through the room catches me off guard. “You look like shit.”
My head whips over to see Ashlyn standing there. I'm not sure if the sight of her makes me want to cry in relief or vomit at the thought of her still being mad at me. I mean, it's been less than twenty-four hours. Of course, she's still mad. But as I take in the sight of her, I realize that's not all. She looks just as upset as I am, and I hate knowing I'm the cause of it.
“I feel like it, too.”
She huffs out a small chuckle and walks around the couch to sit down. “Mila called me. She told me what happened.”
Fluttering my eyes closed, I try to ignore the pain in my chest. “We don't have to do this.”
“Do what?”
“Talk about him. It's your brother, and I get it if that's weird for you.”
She looks down at her lap and nods. “It is, but what's even more weird is not having my best friend to talk to. I just don't know why you didn't tell me.”
“I wanted to,” I admit. “So many times, I wanted to.”
“But?”
“But I was afraid you'd hate me.” The irony isn't lost on me as I start to tear up again. “A lot of good that did me. Now you hate me even more.”
Ashlyn sighs and moves next to me, wrapping her arms around my body and pulling me close. “Em, I don't hate you. I'm really mad at you, yes—but I don't hate you. I could never. You're my best friend.”
“You're my best friend, too,” I sob. “I thought I was doing the right thing. She said—” I stop myself. “I just thought I was doing the right thing.”
“Rewind,” she orders. “Who said what?”
I shake my head. “Nothing. It's nothing.”
“Emery.” Her voice tells me it isn't up for debate as she forces me to look at her. “No more lies. Who said what?”
Taking a deep breath, I know she's going to lose her mind when I tell her. “Lindsey.”
I feel like I'm going to throw up as I jump out of my car and run into Ashlyn's childhood home. Her mom’s car isn’t in the driveway, but Harland's is, so he must be here.
Good. He hasn't left yet.
I clutch the positive pregnancy test in my hand as I quickly make my way up the stairs and down the hall toward his room.
“Harland, I need to talk to y—”
My words are cut off as I find not Harland in his room, but Lindsey. She looks at me with pure disgust, the same way she always has. Her platinum blonde hair is perfectly straightened, and even with a scowl, she's gorgeous. It's no wonder Harland picked her. She's exactly his type.
“Can I help you?” she sneers.
I wrap my arms around myself, trying to hide how upset I am. Even a two-hour car ride wasn't enough to get my emotions under control. Not after finding out that I'm pregnant. Not even two months into university, and I'm fucking pregnant.
“I was just looking for Harland.”
She gets up from the bed and comes toward me. “What do you want with Harland?”
Ugh. Of course, she's not going to tell me where he is.
“Nothing,” I lie. “Forget it. I'll just talk to him later.”
As I go to leave, she grabs my arm. “What's this?”
She yanks the pregnancy test from my hand, and her brows raise when she sees the two lines.
“He slept with you,” she breathes exasperatedly. “Of course he did.”
I take the test back, finally gaining some confidence. “It's none of your business.”
Her expression turns evil as she smirks. “Oh, honey. That's where you're wrong. Everything involving Harland is my business.” She looks down at the test in my hands and back up. “Especially things that are going to ruin his dreams.”
“What? I'm not trying to—”
“Well obviously you're not trying to, but you will.” She looks at my stomach like the devil himself resides inside of it. “That baby will. I mean, you don't honestly think he could have it all, do you? His record label will drop the band the second they realize their lead singer knocked up some girl he's not even dating.”
I shake my head like it's going to prove her wrong. “No. They wouldn't do that.”
“Of course they would. That's just the music business, hun.” She pauses. “Unless...never mind. You're not selfless enough for that.”
“For what?”
She shrugs. “You could just keep it to yourself. I mean, he doesn't have to know.”
She can't be serious. “That's fucked up.”
“You're right, you're right,” she says with a nod and waves off the suggestion. “He deserves to know about the baby. I just hope he doesn't end up resenting you both for ruining the chance he had at the life he's always wanted.”
My stomach churns as I realize she might have a point. He's going to hate me. He might even hate our baby. Harland has everything he’s ever wanted in the palm of his hand right now, and this? This would take that all away from him.
Lindsey purses her lips and goes back over to sit on the bed. “Your choice, babe.”
Suddenly, the room feels like it's five sizes too small, and it's getting hard to breathe. I put a hand on my chest to try to ease the pain, but it doesn't work. Nothing works.
He's going to hate me.
I squeeze my eyes shut to keep the tears from forming, but they come anyway. In a split-second decision, I turn around and run from the room. As I book it down the steps, I run right past Harland himself.
“Emery?” he asks, confused.
But I don't stop.
I can't.
Telling him would ruin his life.
It would ruin everything.
I love him too much to do that to him.
“That stupid fucking bitch,” Ashlyn fumes. “I'm going to kill her.”
She goes to get up but I grab her wrist, pulling her back onto the couch. “Don't. Please? I just...I need you here.”
Thankfully, she gives in and holds me again. I lean my head against her, feeling relieved that everything is finally out in the open, but still hating the emptiness in my chest that yearns for Harland.
“He's probably with her right now anyway.”