I look down at my lap, knowing he's right, except for one thing. “I know I wouldn't.”
“What?”
“Make it through that. I wouldn't. I know that.”
He exhales and finally passes me another shot but doesn't take his hand off it until I look at him. “And how does the alternative feel? Knowing you'll just have to live without her entirely— knowing that one day you'll have to watch her move on with someone else. How's that going to go?”
I move my hand away from the shot glass, leaving the amber liquid inside. Even the thought of seeing Emery with someone else makes me feel sick to my stomach. Growing up, I was so glad she never brought a guy around. I might have snapped his neck in a jealous rage just for hugging her. And now? It might only take a handshake.
She's my childhood obsession.
The mother of my son.
The love of my fucking life.
I flop back on the couch, utterly defeated. “What do I do?” I mentally beg for him to have the answer.
He leans back, looking utterly pleased with himself. “I don't know. Stand outside her window with a boombox over your head like one of those cheesy movies. Or sing her one of the dozen songs you've written about her that you submitted under my name so Lindsey wouldn't figure it out. Whatever the fuck it is, you're not going to find it at the bottom of a shot glass.”
Knowing he's right, I stand up and head toward the door. When I notice Vance is behind me, I stop and look at him, confused.
“You just took a bunch of shots of straight whiskey,” he deadpans. “You don't honestly expect me to let you drive right now, do you?”
“Good point.”
Pulling up to Emery’s apartment building, I don't think I've ever been so nervous. Even with all the liquid courage flowing through me, I genuinely think I might vomit. Let's just hope I can manage to keep it in until after I get her to talk to me.
If I get her to talk to me.
I thank Vance and climb out of the car, stubbing out the cigarette I smoked on the way over to calm my nerves. It didn’t do as much as I had hoped, but at least it's something. With one last puff, I head for the door when I see Ashlyn step out of it.
The second she sees me, she throws her head back and chuckles. “Thank fuck you grew a pair. I was afraid I was going to have to hurt you.”
“How is she?”
She tilts her head from side to side. “Upset, but I think us talking helped a little.”
Silence encases both of us as I try to figure out what to say, but my sister speaks again before anything comes to mind.
“She loves you, H.”
To hear that coming from the girl who knows her best gives me an overwhelming sense of hope.
“I love her, too. And I'm sorry that I couldn't manage to keep my hands to myself. And I'm sorry that I broke the promise I made, but I can't stay away from her, Ash. I can't. Please don’t ask me to.”
A smile spreads across her face. “It's fine. I never should've had you make that stupid promise in the first place.”
“You were looking out for her. You’ve always looked out for her.”
She snickers. “Yeah. Keep that in the front of your mind. Just because you're my brother doesn't mean I won't cut you if you hurt her.”
“You don't have to worry about that,” I tell her honestly.
“I know.” She glances back at the apartment for a second. “You better get up there. Hollis is down for a nap, but I'm sure he'll be awake soon.”
I nod and give her a quick hug, but as I go to walk away, she stops me.
“Wait.” She takes a key off of her key ring and hands it to me. “This way she can't just refuse to let you in.”
The corners of my mouth raise. “Thanks, Ash.”
As I go inside and head up the stairs, I start to wonder what things will be like after this. If she takes me back. If she doesn't. Will I go back on tour? Would she and Hollis come with me? Would she be able to handle the pressures of dating one of Hollywood's favorite rockstars? Honestly, if I had to choose between the fame and the family, I'd pick her and Hollis without a second thought.
I slip the key into the lock and open the door. Emery's back is to me as she looks down at her phone, but she still looks incredible.
“What'd you forget?” she asks, but I don't say anything. “Ashl—”
Her words are cut off as she turns around and sees me standing there.
“I forgot to tell you that I'm in love with you.” I take a few steps toward her. “I forgot to make sure you knew how much you mean to me without a fraction of a doubt. And I forgot to tell you that getting back with Lindsey when I could have had you was the biggest mistake of my life.”
I reach my hand up and run the back of my knuckle down her cheek.
“But I won't forget any of it anymore.”
“Harland,” she breathes.
I shake my head. “It's you, Em. It was you when we were little kids building pillow forts in the living room. It was you when we started getting a little older and you would prance around the backyard in a bikini, totally oblivious to what it was doing to me. And it was you the night I finally let myself have what I had been wanting for as long as I could remember. It's always been you and it’s always going to be you.”
“But Lindsey—”
Putting a finger over her lips, I stop her. “Lindsey doesn't matter. She never has. Not like you.”
I wrap an arm around her waist and move my other hand to her cheek before bending down and pressing my forehead to hers.
“I love you, Em.”
She takes a deep breath and finally leans into my touch. “I love you, too.”
Ashlyn telling me it’s true and hearing those words come straight from her mouth are two different kinds of bliss, but neither of them are something I will ever take for granted.
In an instant, I pull her close and cover her lips with my own. The kiss is wet, made slippery by the tears that stream down her face, but perfect all the same. I reach down and grab her ass, lifting her up and sitting her on the counter to get a better angle.
As I slot myself between her legs, she grips at my back and deepens the kiss. I don't think I could control myself right now if I tried. The need I have for her is too primal to resist. I grip her hair and pull her head to the side as I start kissing down the side of her neck. The moan she lets out goes straight to my dick, and all I can think about is getting her in bed.
“Mommy!” Hollis calls, and I drop my head and groan into her shoulder as Emery laughs.
“Did my son really just cock block me?” I whine.
She moves me out of the way and jumps off the counter. “He did, but you'll get used to it. It'll happen a lot.”
“I'm hiring a fucking nanny.”
“That's fine, Casanova,” she teases and puts her hand out. “But first, we have to do something else.”
My brows furrow. “What?”
She stares at me with a raised brow and it's like I can read her mind. Hollis.
The excitement that runs through me is paired with an utter fear of rejection. I'm just not sure which one is stronger.