We’ve always been each other’s safe place—and now our safe place is getting ripped out from under us.
I remember the first time I felt the flutter. I hadn’t been sure what was happening to me. Jake, being older and more experienced, I think, knew the exact moment my feelings changed. He became more tender, patient. Being young and emotionally confused, he would take the verbal lashings when I became too confused to explain why it hurt to see him with another girl. He would ignore my whining and hug me, force us to the guest house at the back of his family’s mansion, and make me hang out with him, listening to song after song until my walls broke down and we were back to being us: Jake and Willa.
As time passed, our feelings grew like wildflowers- uncontrollable and taking root in every crevice of our hearts. He owned me. I owned him.
The day he turned eighteen and left for college, it broke me.
His parents threw him a lavish going away party. I was stuffed into yet another floral gown with my hair wrapped tightly in a headache-inducing bun and had to watch across the pool as he mingled with guests, saying his goodbyes and feeding them lies about being so thrilled to start this journey. When he gazed across the pool at me, his smile so saccharine I tasted it on my lips, my heart crumbled at the thought of him being gone. I ran to the guest house—our special place—hid my face in my hands, and cried. When he found me sometime later, he did what he always did.
“Please don’t cry.” He bends down, wiping away my tears.
“I wish you weren’t leaving. I can’t do this without you. There’s so much I want to say, but how do I? How do I confess that—”
Cupping my face, he presses his lips against mine, cutting off my rant. It’s not long or ravishing. It’s soft and kind. When he pulls away, his eyes lock on mine. “I’m going to miss you too. You have no idea. One day, our words will have meaning and won’t be forced into the shadows. Stay safe for me, Willa. I’ll be back soon.”
I was fifteen the first time he kissed me, and we haven’t spoken of it since. For years, we’ve danced around each other. He never made another move on me but showed in other ways that he was right there with me—the way he held me when we went swimming or how he gripped my hand when we walked together into parties. How he pulled me close after I suffered the abuse of my mother… and how my heart would break any time he had to make appearances with Rebecca…every ounce of him has always shown me he’s felt the same.
I squeal as water shoots up, and Jake splashes me as he breaks the surface, his strong arms reaching forward to grab at my legs.
“You gonna come in?”
“And get my hair wet before family photos? Mother would have an aneurysm.” Jake laughs, knowing I’m right. I wasn’t blessed with pretty and manageable silk-blonde hair—more like curls with a mind of their own and a private stylist so no one tells my stuck-up mother her daughter resembles a low-class vagrant.
“I like it when your hair is all wild.” Jake’s lips curl upward into a smile that visits me every night in my dreams. His perfect white teeth and mischievous grin always have a way of turning any bad situation into something good.
Another reason why tomorrow is going to suck.
Jake glowers at the sadness in my gaze and tries to deflect away from what’s truly upsetting me. “You know you can always tell her it was my fault. I pushed you in.”
I roll my eyes. Like my mother would believe that. It was always one of our go-tos when we were kids and found ourselves looking like soaked rats at Sunday brunch because a simple game of tag turned into us jumping into his pool. “Yeah, then maybe I can tell her you made me roll in dirt so I don’t have to wear the ugly flower dress she has laid out for me.”
Jake scrunches his nose. I swear, my mother would have been over the moon with a dress-up doll instead of a daughter. We continue to stare at one another, holding onto a moment that doesn’t belong to us. A silent stare that speaks volumes but can only exist in our hearts. Something burns like wildfire between us, but if we ever dared acknowledge it, it would turn us to ash.
“How about if I promise to blow dry your hair when we’re done? Just a quick race. Three-lap parlay. Whoever wins has to go streaking down the street.”
I laugh and slap his thick bicep. “You want me to get disowned? No respectable congressman’s wife would be caught doing that, now would they?”
His lips thin, but he quickly masks his expression by waggling his brows. “Maybe I just want to see you naked.” His eyes glimmer with truth, but he disguises his honesty with a wink. “It’s my last day here. You’re not going to leave me hanging by myself, are you? You know my parents have another huge going away party tonight. You can’t ditch me. Please…” He puckers his lips, gripping tighter to my thighs.
“You have a girlfriend. Have her be your date.”
His brows scrunch, and he scowls. “You know she’s not my girlfriend. Rebecca is only a tool in my parents’ plan to unite riches with riches—that’s all she’ll ever be.”
I shake my head and laugh. “Well, you haven’t looked like it was much of a hardship, smiling and carrying her on your arm all summer.” A summer that has ripped my heart to shreds.
Jake’s mood dies—and so does mine. Pushing up against the edge of the pool, he spreads my legs apart. “The same reason your mother’s made you prance around with that Walter geek. Unless you two are actually hitting it off, and you find his nerdy bifocals and flood pants attractive—ouch!” I slap him.
“God, no. And he smells musty. It’s horrible.”
We stay quiet for a moment, the weight of our circumstances settling into that heavy place in our chests. “I don’t want you to leave,” I confess, feeling like a broken record. How many more times can we wallow in this moment?
His shoulders slump as sadness seeps into his gaze, matching mine. “You can come visit. Your university isn’t far from the hospital. Even though I’m sure those aristocrats will flock to you the second you land on campus. You’ll be engaged and forget about me in no time.”
The mere thought creates panic inside me. How could he ever think I would forget him? He’s embedded in my heart, and his imprint marks my soul. I’d die a thousand times, and his steely gaze would still give me life. But what if that’s what he wants? For me to go to college and forget about him? Grow up and put a stop to this silly fantasy? Stop the harping and the tearful nights? Maybe he’s grown up so much that his bond has faded.
“Whatever. Maybe you’re right. Mother was talking ring sizes with Walt—”
He captures my waist and pulls me in. I have a split second to inhale before he brings me under the pool’s surface. Just like the other times we’ve found ourselves in this situation, our eyes open, adjusting to the water, and we share a silent embrace where time stands still, where the loud noises of our parents’ demands aren’t suffocating us. Down here, we’re just Jake and Willa, wanting to be free of the society we’ve been raised in. A girl and a boy who have possibly fallen into a forbidden love.
I beg him not to leave me again. And he screams he has to go. It never goes any further than this—a forbidden glimpse into each other’s soul. There’s no telling the destruction if we let ourselves bask in the touch of each other’s lips. But in these stolen moments, I pretend. His lips, the taste of cherry Chapstick and mint. His hands, which stay innocent, but become rough and demanding. His body consumes mine. In my dreams, there’s only one path, and we get to take it together. But after tomorrow, I’ll be alone again, and he’ll be off on another journey forced upon him.