The traffic is light, and I’m back at Jay’s place fifteen minutes after I left Dee’s. I shoot him a text to let him know I’ve arrived.
He replies with instructions on using the keypad next to the door and then buzzes me in.
I take the elevator to their floor and step off. The first thing I notice is Jay standing in the doorway, holding the door open for me. He’s wearing only a pair of basketball shorts, which has me wondering if I got him out of bed.
“Sorry to be a pain,” I tell him when I walk past him into the apartment.
“You’re not, but we need to talk.” He nods to the deck. “Outside.”
What’s this about?
“You want some seltzer or something else?”
“Seltzer is fine.”
“I’ll meet you out there.”
I leave the sliding door open for him, and he joins me a minute later with the seltzer for me and a beer for himself. He slides the door closed behind him.
“What’s up?”
“I guess that’s what I want to know. What’s going on with you and Dee?”
“Nothing.” Even as I say that single word, the ache intensifies. “Now.”
“What does that mean?”
“We spent time together after the wedding.” I tell him the truth because he’s one of my closest friends, and I refuse to be the source of trouble between him and his new wife. “But that’s all it was.”
“You seemed pretty damned into her tonight if that’s all it was.”
“I was into her. I am into her, but reality has reared its ugly head to remind me of why that’s not possible. I was honest with her.”
Jason’s eyes widen with surprise because he knows I don’t tell anyone the whole truth about myself. “You told her—”
“No, I said it couldn’t be anything more than fun.”
“What’d she say to that?”
“She was okay with it until she wasn’t. Things were getting a bit… intense… between us when she called a halt to it. After everything that happened with her ex, she doesn’t want to set herself up to be hurt again.” I take a sip of my seltzer, hoping it’ll wash down the massive lump in my throat. “I guess she’s not really into the casual thing with guys.”
“She was with her ex for years.”
“There you have it.”
I move to the rail and look out over Biscayne Bay, where the faintest hint of moon silvers the water. After living most of my life in the desert, the lush beauty of South Florida amazes me. I’d never been here before Jay’s wedding, but the place has touched me in more ways than one.
“Are you bummed?”
I shrug because that’s what he expects me to do. “No biggie.”
He joins me at the rail. “I’m calling bullshit on that.”
“How come?”
“I’ve known you a long time, seen you with a lot of women, and I’ve never once seen you act around one the way you did with her earlier.”
His observation makes me feel a little too seen. “How was it different?” I ask, even though I already know. I want to hear it from him.
“You never took your eyes off her. You hung on her every word. You laughed like I’ve never seen you laugh with anyone.”
Every one of his observations makes me sadder than I already was for what can never be. “It wouldn’t be fair, Jay. To either of us.” I lean my elbows on the rail and sag against the concrete, letting it hold me up. “One thing I’ve never been is unrealistic, and we both know I’m living on borrowed time and have been for a while now.”
“What if you’re the one who defies the odds?”
“I already have, and you know that. The average life expectancy after transplant is eleven years. I’m at seventeen. I should’ve had issues long before now.”
“But you haven’t because you take such immaculate care of yourself.”
“Yes, I do, but eventually, reality will catch up to me, and then what? A sudden death that’ll traumatize everyone who loves me or another agonizing wait for a donor that may or may not materialize, followed by months of recovery and the roller coaster of possible rejection. I can’t bear the idea of that for myself. How do I drag someone else into that?”
“I’m sorry, Wyatt. It fucking sucks.”
“Yep, but it sure does beat the alternative.”
He laughs as I recite the refrain that sums up my life rather perfectly. I’m thankful for every second I’ve gotten since someone else had to die to give me the chance to live. I never forget how close I came to dying or how lucky I am to still be healthy. But I also never forget that the odds are stacked heavily against my good health lasting indefinitely.
“Anyway, I’m sure you’ve got better things to be doing than hanging with me. Go to bed with your wife.”
“She’s out cold by now. I’m glad to get the chance to hang with you, just the two of us. It’s been a while since we’ve done that.”
“Yeah, too long.”
We had all the fun in med school. Jason is the first friend I made after regaining full health, and I appreciate that he’s never treated me like an invalid, even after I told him the truth. My parents and doctors insisted that someone at Duke know the whole story in case I ran into trouble. Shortly after I met Jay and bonded with him, I decided he was the one I’d trust. I’ve never regretted that decision.
“I’m sorry you’re bummed.”
“It’s okay. I’ll survive. Well, until I die, anyway.”
“Don’t say that. I believe you’re going to be the exception to all the rules. You already have been.”
In all the years since my transplant, I’ve only thrived. From the first minute I woke up after the twelve-hour surgery, I felt reborn. I’ve never once come close to rejecting my donor heart or had any sort of scare. My case has been covered in numerous medical journals as a true success story.
Anytime another longtime transplant patient passes away, the media calls to interview me. Somehow, I’ve become the “poster child” for successful heart transplants. But even the poster child will one day have his day of reckoning, and I’m determined not to take anyone else down with me, even if I’m more tempted to break my own rules with Dee than I ever have been before.
“Enough about me,” I say. “Let’s talk about you. How are things?”
“Never been better. The best thing I ever did was take a job in ‘Siberia,’ aka Miami, where I met my beautiful wife and her incredible family. I love it here.”
“I can see that. Marriage looks good on you.”
“We’re enjoying it. Carmen… She’s the best person I’ve ever known.”
“I’m happy for you both.”
“We are, too,” he says with a dirty grin. “It’s funny how I had no interest in marriage for so long, but after I met Carmen, it was all I wanted, to be bound to her forever so she could never get away.”
“She’s not going anywhere. For some reason, she’s crazy about you.”
“I’m a very lucky man.” He leans on the concrete wall, facing the water. “I wish you could have the same thing, Wy. Even if it’s only for a few years.”