I hate that he could die young, but I’m not going to let fear run my life or his. Since my mom got sick earlier this year, I have a new appreciation for life and good health. Wyatt is robustly healthy, and I have to believe he’s going to stay that way. I refuse to accept any other alternative. And no, I’m not delusional or being unrealistic about the odds he spelled out so starkly.
I get it, and I don’t care. I love being with him and how he makes me feel sexy and desired, and happy. I want every minute I can get with him for as long as it lasts. I’m ready to move on from the nightmare with Marcus. Feeling like shit every minute of every day gets old after a while.
Before I leave the house, I pack a bag with a bathing suit, a cover-up, sunscreen, flip-flops and anything else I might need to go wherever this adventure may take us. On the way to Carmen’s, I drive faster than I should, singing along to the radio the whole way. Between the meltdown with Marcus, the miscarriage and the horrors of my mother’s illness, I honestly can’t recall the last time I felt this good. Maybe it was that last weekend I spent in New York with Marcus, back when I was under the illusion that I was destined to spend the rest of my life with him.
Funny how life kicks you in the teeth, and you never see it coming.
I had no idea Marcus was in any way unhappy with me or our arrangement, as challenging as it could sometimes be to live apart. Neither of us was ever needy or clingy in our relationship, so the long-distance situation this time around, when we were older and wiser, wasn’t insurmountable. We made it work and had so many good times when he visited me or when I came home to Miami. We always picked right up where we left off, and it felt effortless. My relationship with him reminded me of how my parents are with each other—easy, comfortable, content.
Little did I know there’s a whole lot of difference between content and true satisfaction. If I hadn’t indulged in that first night with Wyatt, I might never have known what was missing with Marcus. I might’ve let him convince me that his “marriage” was a big misunderstanding. He might’ve been able to talk his way back into my life as if nothing ever happened.
I shudder to think about how I might’ve settled for less than what I deserve.
The night with Wyatt was a revelation in more ways than one.
First and foremost, I realized how incredible it is to be the source of someone’s undivided attention, to know he wanted me so fiercely that I was willing to make a massive detour from my usual routine to take a walk on the wild side with him. And what a walk it was. I can’t think about that night with him unless I want to end up driving off the road.
All I know is I can’t wait for a repeat performance.
By the time I pull up outside Carmen’s building, I’m buzzing as if I’ve had a couple of glasses of champagne, high off knowing I’m going to see him again any minute. I send him a text. I’m here.
Coming down.
It’s all I can do not to bounce in my seat from excitement. Grabbing my purse, I find a mint to make sure my breath is nice and fresh because I’m going to kiss him the second he gets in this car. I hope he’s ready for all-in Dee because she’s ready for him.
When he comes through the door, I open my window and toss the rest of the mint outside. I’m so excited that I forget to unlock the door for him and then fumble with the button while he stands outside, waiting for me to let him in.
Then he’s in the car and turning to reach for me in the exact second I reach for him. This kiss puts every other kiss with him to shame. We cling to each other, tongues dueling in a fierce battle that I’m happy to lose. Losing to him feels like the best kind of win. When he pulls back, I whimper.
“Easy, sweetheart.” With his hand on my face, he caresses my cheek. “We should talk about this some more.
“No more talking. You told me what to expect. I understand and accept what I’m getting into. We need to get busy living and not worrying about what might or might not happen. My Abuela says the future is right now. This is it, the only guarantee we have. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to waste any more time.”
“You’re amazing,” he whispers before he kisses me again, softer this time.
I have no idea how long we’re there, kissing like teenagers who have no fear of getting caught before his stomach growls loudly.
I pull back from him, laughing.
“Sorry,” he says with a sheepish grin.
“Are you hungry?”
“Always. There’s never a time when I can’t eat, even after I just ate.”
“It’s extremely unfair that you can eat like that and look like you do.”
“I spend a lot of time at the gym.”
“That’s time very well spent. Want to find an all-night diner or something?”
His growling stomach answers for him, making us laugh.
“All righty, then.” I put my seat belt back on and pull away from the curb, trying to think of where we can go. “We might be stuck with Denny’s. I can’t think of anywhere else that’s open all night.”
“That works for me.”
“There’s one on Biscayne Boulevard, I think.”
“Want me to check my phone?”
“Nah, I know where I’m going.”
He reaches for my hand and holds on during the short ride to the restaurant.
Just that small gesture has my heart racing. I can’t believe the way he affects me, and it’s been that way from the first second Jason introduced him to me at their rehearsal dinner. My first thought was, whoa. And then he smiled. Holy shit, that smile… Since we were matched up in the wedding party, I got to sit with him at dinner.
“What’re you thinking about over there?” he asks.
“The night we met.”
“That was an amazing night. I was a little worried about spending an entire weekend with people I don’t know since I figured Jay would be with Carmen and doing wedding stuff. But you put me immediately at ease and made it so fun.”
“I was in a horrible place that weekend. I’d just heard that Marcus was telling people he wanted me back.” I barely remember anything from the night of Carmen’s bachelorette party after hearing that news.
“That must’ve been hard to hear.”
“It was surreal. For more than a year, I didn’t hear a word from him. Not one word after he married her.”
“Did you know her? Before?”
“I knew of her. She’s the sister of one of his friends. She and a group of her friends tagged along on their trip to Vegas for one of the guys’ bachelor parties, and Marcus woke up married to her.”
“Seriously? That’s how it happened?”
“Yep.”
“And how did you hear about it?” He quickly adds, “We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.”
“It’s okay. It was a long time ago.” That’s true, but the pain of it still feels fresh in many ways. “My cousin Domenic told me he heard from a friend at home that Marcus had gotten married.”
“That had to be so shocking.”
“It was, especially since, as far as I knew, he was still my boyfriend. He’d just been to New York for a weekend a month before, and we’d had a great time.”