Nova started to open the door to the bar just as it was slammed open with such force that both Nova and Samara stumbled back. Garret didn’t even notice them as he stomped toward his mother’s SUV, his face blood red. I knew that look well. His face turned that shade whenever someone had to bitch him out for whatever stupid shit he’d done. There hadn’t been as many incidents recently that called for that, but when he’d first started working for my family, it was something that had happened almost daily.
“Hey!” Lyric yelled just as Garret jumped into the driver’s seat. “Watch where the fuck you’re going. You could have hurt someone, dumbass. My kids and wife are walking around out here.”
Garret shot him the middle finger before starting the vehicle, and seconds later, he left skid marks on the asphalt as he peeled out.
“That boy is pushing his luck this weekend,” Mom muttered.
“How much do you want to bet he’s why Nova is acting off?” Pop said to her.
“Maybe.” I heard her sigh heavily, my gaze still on where Nova was just now entering the bar. “But I don’t think that’s the only reason.”
As the door closed behind my sister, I turned to my parents. “What do you know?” I rasped out through a clogged throat.
“I don’t know anything for sure,” Mom said with sincerity after a brief pause. “But I think you should talk to her, l’venok. Get everything straightened out now, before it’s too late.”
“Too late for what?” I yelled, unable to control the volume of my voice.
“She’s telling you to go tell the girl you love her, dumbass,” Lyric said casually as he walked past me. “Before you lose her.”
“I can’t,” I gritted out. “It’s not time yet. We still have another year before—”
He jerked around, his face set in hard lines. “Time doesn’t wait for anyone. Your girl is hurting now. Fix it before there’s nothing left to fix.” He inhaled slowly, appearing to find patience. “Look, I’ve watched soul mates rip each other apart because of one stupid misunderstanding. It ruined their lives for years. Do not let whatever happened that is eating at her continue. Because if you hurt her, I don’t give a damn who you are. I’ll help these fuckers cut off your balls without hesitation.”
18
Nova
Whatever Aunt Raven did to Garret hadn’t left a mess in the bar, so that was a relief. I wasn’t confident I could have helped clean up my brother’s blood off the floor. Even when he was cruel to me, as he had been earlier, I still only wanted the best for him. No matter how enraged he could make me, I loved the dumb fuck. The way he’d stormed out of there had been childish, but I could only hope he didn’t kill himself or someone else while behind the wheel, as pissed off as he was.
Part of me hoped Ben would catch him speeding and lock his ass up, but that would only mean he would have to stick around Creswell Springs longer, and I was more than ready for him to get back to the East Coast. Less than twenty-four full hours in the same town with him, and I wanted him to be the length of the country away. I loved him, but I knew that, together, we were toxic to each other.
Did I really want to put myself through more of this shit when I started college in New York?
But what I really needed to be asking myself was if I was willing to put my heart through more possible destruction by having to see Ryan with the many women who would now be in his life. I liked to think I was just as strong as all the women who’d had a hand in raising me. Mom and her sweet, soft strength, Aunt Raven with her will of steel, and Anya, who could walk into any room, no matter how big or small, and make the air crackle with the silent power exuding from her like a physical force.
Yet, as strong as I wanted to pretend I was, I didn’t know a single person who would willingly put their heart through a meat grinder on purpose. And that was the equivalent of what I would be doing if I moved to New York full time once I graduated from high school.
Something that was going to be happening sooner than anticipated since I’d been working my ass off, getting extra credit hours through Trinity which counted toward what I would need to graduate. It meant I was going to get my diploma an entire year early. I’d already sent in my applications to Columbia, NYU, and one other university that had everything I was looking for. But even if I got accepted into any of those three schools, I wouldn’t be attending one of them.
Trinity was just as prestigious. Even Zariah would admit that much since she’d actually narrowed down her choices of law schools to Trinity or Harvard. Her love of the East Coast was the selling point for her, because Trinity, in fact, had the better program.
No, there was nothing wrong with going to Trinity. They had everything I needed to get a degree in not only the business management major I wanted to pursue, but also the languages degree I was more passionate about. The bonus being I wouldn’t have to come face-to-face with whoever finally won Ryan’s heart and have to fake how happy I was for him when it happened.
Maybe it already had. What had Garret said Ryan’s newest fuck buddy’s name was? CeCe?
I couldn’t help wondering what she looked like. If she made him happy outside of the bedroom as well as in it. If she would ever love him as much as I did.
Calling on all of my training under Anya’s tutelage, I pushed down the emotions that were starting to churn inside me, turning my mind into pure chaos. I just needed to get through this day, and then I could go home and lock myself in my room and let go for a minute.
I would get through this party, say goodbye to Ryan one last time, and never see him again. Because that was obviously what he wanted.
And what I needed in order to move on with my own life.
Pasting on my best smile, I accepted hugs from all my family members—both blood and honorary—as the bar began filling up. I made sure to stay in a large group at all times, knowing if I were alone with my own thoughts for even a minute, the walls I’d put up to protect myself today would crumble and crash around me.
Music had been turned on, just a little background noise that played through the speakers and filled any silences that might occur. But too many people were already gathered for that to happen, and soon the sound of all the chatter drowned out the music altogether.
Samara stayed right beside me for the first hour, but at one point, she got pulled away by Bennie and Vito for something, leaving me alone with Delaney, Ciana, Tavia, and Lexa. With the exception of Ciana, the other three women were in varying stages of pregnancy, with Lexa being the furthest along and Tavia only a few weeks behind her due date. Delaney’s baby bump was just starting to form, but from the way Max kept looking at her, anyone would think she was about to push that baby out at any moment.
It was adorable, the way he couldn’t stand to be more than a few feet away from her at any given time. There were moments I looked at him and saw a fierce, almost terrifying expression on my cousin’s face, but then he would look over at his wife, and every emotion except for his love for her would drain from him. As if just by existing, his treasure made his life worth something.
That was what I wanted, I realized. What I’d always hoped to have—with Ryan.