“Are you hungry?” he asks as he heads to the kitchen.
“Not really, but I won’t say no to wine,” I smile. “There’s a burger from Rich’s in the fridge,” I call out.
I went to the store yesterday because there was sour milk and some sort of science experiment that could’ve been cheese in the refrigerator. On my way back from the market, I stopped in to see Rich and get takeout. While half of what I got needs to be cooked and I’ll probably end up throwing it away, it felt nice to buy food that wasn’t made in the cafeteria.
“What’s this?” Westin asks, holding up the almond milk.
“It’s the milk you like,” I reply.
“Right, but why is it here?”
Is he crazy? He brings that stupid milk every time he stays here. “Umm, you drink it, right?”
His eyes narrow and then he goes back to the groceries. “Ren?” He holds up the six-pack of beer.
“Wes,” I shake my head. “Is that not the right kind? You drink that weird lager shit, I thought.”
He puts the beer down and leans on the counter. “Yes, but again, you got it?”
I’m not sure what the big deal is. “I was at the store so I grabbed it. Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask as his jaw hangs open a little and then turns into a grin.
And then it hits me.
I thought of him when I was stocking my home. He watches me as I start to piece together what has made his entire mood shift.
“Two years and you’ve never bought shit for me,” Westin says. “I’ve wondered when you were going to mess up and let me in.”
“Don’t make this weird,” I warn. “It’s milk and beer.”
He smiles and leans forward. “I knew it would happen.”
Oh Jesus. “Listen, before this goes too far, I also cleaned out a drawer.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
Might as well get this all out and done with. Westin stays here or I’m at his place pretty much every night that we have off. Because of our schedules, exchanging a key wasn’t really a big thing. It was more for convenience than some momentous moment in our relationship. He gave me a space in his bathroom for my things, but I wasn’t as giving. Not that he was surprised, but I was thinking of how to show him that I’m . . . all in . . . to whatever it is we’re doing.
Giving him some speech about what we’re doing seems silly now, but I thought having a drawer was a nice gesture. Now, I’m a little scared.
“You know, a place you can put your stuff.”
“I know what a drawer is, but you gave me one? Here?”
“Yes, one drawer,” I clarify. “One of the small ones.”
“In your house?”
“Well, that was the point.”
He moves around the island, places his hand on my forehead and shakes his head. “No fever. So, you’re not sick.”
“Ass.”
“So, if I go in the bedroom, there will be a drawer that’s empty?”
Why is he being such a dork? It’s just a drawer. “Westin, you’re here all the time. I can fill it back up if you want . . .”
“Shut up,” he says as his hands hold onto my hips. “How about some closet space since you’re so giving?”
“Don’t push it.” My hands rest on his chest and then he squats down, lifting me into his arms.
Westin smirks as he carries me back to the bedroom. He drops me on the bed, and walks over to the dresser. “This one?”
I nod.
He opens the drawer, finding it empty as promised, and then he stalks toward me. I push back, moving away from him, but he doesn’t relent. Westin hovers over me and my heart races. “I’ve been trying to break down your walls.”
“It’s milk and a drawer,” I clarify.
“No, baby. We both know it’s not.” Before I can say another word, his lips are on mine, kissing me like I’m the air he’s gasping for.
My hands are frantic trying to remove as much of his clothing as possible. It’s like a light switched off and I’m completely fine being in the dark. This is what Westin does, he lets me forget, pushes me, loves me even when I don’t think I’m worthy.
Our tongues slide together, reveling in the wet warmth. His shirt falls to the floor, and he tears open my buttoned blouse, while our lips stay fused.
God, he kisses like no one else.
Gone is the tender man who held my hand as I cried, explaining to my father what he needed to do to make sure I didn’t force him to move from his home. Who didn’t cringe when he saw the home I loved as a child in disarray. The sweet man who promised my father we’d come back and work on his car that runs perfectly fine just so we could check in on him more.
This is the Westin I need right now. The dominant man who will force me outside of my mind.
His fingers tangle in my hair and he tugs it to the side, pushing deeper, making me feel him in every part of my body.
“Don’t run away anymore, Ren. Stay here with me.” His green eyes are full of emotion.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
His lips are back where I want them, and then he’s moving down my body, kissing my neck, my shoulders, before finding my breast. Westin’s eyes meet mine as he takes my nipple into his mouth, I look away and he stops.
“Watch me,” he commands, “watch me love you.”
“Wes,” I say pushing my fingers through his hair.
Westin’s eyes are full of some emotion I can’t name. “You need to see. You need to see that I’m right here.”
My chest tightens as I watch his mouth lower, keeping our eyes locked. With a tenderness that he’s never shown, he runs his lips across my skin, leaving a trail of goose bumps in his wake.
The voice in my head that always shuts down when Wes gets too close is screaming at me to stop this. There’s another side of me, though. The one that knew how to love someone once upon a time, and that part of me is euphoric right now. For so long, what we’ve shared in the bedroom has been just sex. This time, I know it’s not.
There won’t be a rollover and see you at work. I know that when I give myself to him, it’s more than just my body he’ll take.
Westin will have my heart.
He places his lips on my chest, right where the organ that hasn’t been whole resides, and he kisses me. “I’m going to make you forget all the pain you suffered. I don’t know what happened to you to make you keep pulling away,” he says as he moves back up so we’re nose to nose. “Know this, I’m not going anywhere.”
My fingers brush against his face. “I’m tired of running, Westin. I’m tired of fighting everything inside of me that wants to feel something more. So, if I fall, are you going to catch me?”
His eyes close, and when he opens them again, there’s not a trace of doubt. “Always.”
A tear falls down my cheek at the promise in his voice. I really hope it’s true because I’m hanging on the edge of a cliff by my fingernails. If I slip at all, I’ll plummet.
“Make love to me, Westin,” I request.
With our breaths mixing, he moves towards my lips, gazing into my eyes the entire time. I’ve never uttered those words to him, I’ve always kept a barrier between us. It worked until my past came back in my life, reminding me why I was this way. Westin isn’t my past. He’s the man I want to make room in my dresser for, and maybe one day he’ll share my home.