When our lips touch, my head spins with recognition of this new reality. It’s the coming together of two people who have been in this bed many times, but never fully. My fingers tangle in his hair and I pull my body against his, obliterating the remaining space between us.
Westin’s hands roam my body, hooking under my leg, wrapping it around his hip. Both of us are lost as we grab onto each other.
He moves his lips from mine, and this time I don’t take my eyes off him. “You’re so beautiful.” His voice is husky with desire.
I go to open my mouth to say something about how hot he is, but his lips wrap around my nipple, and I can’t remember anything.
He nips, sucks, and licks, driving me crazy. “Westin,” I groan, fisting the sheets when his other hand travels down my pants. With just the right amount of pressure, he starts to bring me higher.
“Tell me, baby. Tell me you want this,” he pushes.
“Yes! I want this,” I reply. “I want us.”
I want everything. I want to forget everything around me and be in this moment because I have no idea when my house of cards could crumble. He’s the only thing that brings me any kind of solace. I’m done holding back, my walls are down.
Funny that it took being faced with something I thought I wanted to realize that what I already had was all I ever needed.
Now, I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold onto him, but I pray I can.
Westin pulls my pants off, and removes his. His lips are back on mine and I wrap my hands around his erection. He moans into my mouth as I pump up and down, loving the noises he makes.
“I can’t wait, Ren. I need to be inside you,” he says and then nips at my ear.
I know exactly how he feels. “Now, please,” I pant.
Westin rolls the condom on, and when he’s in position, he stops.
“What’s wrong?” I ask breathlessly.
“Not a goddamn thing.”
Our eyes lock, and my heart races because I can feel the energy shift. It’s as though two pieces of a puzzle are finally fitting after trying a hundred wrong ones. There’s nerves, excitement, joy, and fear all battling over different things. I worry that after this, losing him will be my demise.
He grips my face in his hands, searching through the myriad of emotions undoubtedly playing in my eyes.
Gently, he enters me and a tear escapes the corner of my eye. Years of locking myself down are over, the shackles are broken, and the past that has weighed me down has been lifted. How stupid I was to hold onto it, thinking it would protect me.
Westin rocks back and forth slowly, loving me in a way I’ll never forget. He doesn’t have to say the words because I feel them. I’ve known it for a long time. Westin is in love with me and I’ve just fallen for him.
I just hope it stays that way if he ever finds out what I’ve done.
It’s been two weeks since I last saw Allison and Bryce. My life since then has been damn near perfect. Westin and I have had a little more time since I’m not bogged down with the trial, and his caseload is light as well. We’ve enjoyed the slower pace and it couldn’t have come at a better time because today, my trial patients come back for their scans, and then tomorrow the doses start again.
I’d like to believe this won’t affect the amazing state my life is in, but I’m a realist, and I know this will put another kink in the line. Not because I worry that seeing a man I loved so much will hurt, but because I’m reminded that I’m not the woman I’ve prided myself on being when he’s near.
“Hey, you,” Julie says as I sit in the corner of one of the consult rooms. I like to hide here when I need time to chart.
“Hey,” I smile.
She enters the room and plops down next to me. “Charting?”
“The one thing they fail to talk about in med school,” I laugh. “It’s really such a pain in the ass.”
“Yet another reason I love my specialty,” she smirks.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. How are you? Sorry I bailed on drinks yesterday,” I say while putting the pen down.
“It’s fine.” She pops a grape into her mouth. “Martina came, we drank, ate an inhuman amount of food, and she went home with some guy. Did you work late?”
I tap the pen against the table. “No, I was with Westin.”
She leans forward. “You blew off beer dip for your boyfriend?”
“I did.”
“Well,” she sinks back with her arms crossed over her chest. “Look who finally got her shit straight.” Julie looks all too pleased. “I was hoping this day would come. I feel like my little girl is growing up.”
“Whatever.”
“So, things are good?” she asks.
“They really are. Thank you, Jules. Seriously, thank you.”
She tilts her head and purses her lips. “What for?”
It was after she was a good enough friend to be honest with me that I was able to see my life clearly. She really pushed me out of my head, and that is what helped me truly face my feelings for Westin, and trust him with my heart.
“For being who you are. Even when I don’t want to hear things, you’re always honest. If you hadn’t made me face facts, I would’ve kept pushing him away because it’s all I’ve ever done.” I clasp her hand.
“I’m really happy for you. Westin clearly loves you, and guys like him don’t come around often.”
I nod. “I know. I’m just trying to hold onto it for as long as I can.”
Julie’s head turns and she looks confused. “What does that mean?”
Shit. I can’t tell her the truth because that would lead to more questions about what I did, and I don’t know if Julie could get tangled in the mess since the meds were kept in her lab. Oh, God. I feel sick.
“Just that guys get bored once there’s no chase.” I try to sound humorous, but it comes out strangled.
“You’re an idiot, but I love you anyway. I need to get back to work. Don’t flake on me next week.” She gets to her feet, pops another grape into her mouth, and walks out the door.
Once I’m alone again, I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants, and close the files. My momentary lapse in judgment could affect so many people. I didn’t think, and it’s too late to do anything now.
I grab the charts, no longer having the mental capacity to do them, and drop them off at the nurses’ station. I have about twenty minutes before I will get the scan results of my trial patients, and then I’ll visit each one.
Deep breaths, Serenity.
As I make my way to the cafeteria, I turn the corner and slam into someone. “Shit!”
“Sorry!” the deep voice says. “I was in a rush . . .”
I look up, knowing who it is, and release a heavy sigh. “It’s fine, Bryce.”
“Chick, wait,” he grabs my wrist as I’m starting to walk away.
“I really need to go,” I tug my hand out of his grasp.
My stomach doesn’t drop and no butterflies flutter at his touch. Instead, I notice that it’s not warm, like Westin. Bryce feels cold and rough, and I don’t like the cold anymore.
“I know, it’ll just take a minute.”