On the drive home she thought about Mitchell, of all the ways he had never changed. And how hard it was to make relationships work. Brenna and Finn got along so well. But would that last? She and Mitchell had started out on a good path, and then it had all gone to hell in a matter of months. Wouldn’t it stand to reason that the same thing would happen to her and Finn?
They still had so much to talk about. And that conversation scared the hell out of her.
Finn parked in front of her house, then turned to face her.
“Wanna tell me what went on with you and Allison? I saw the two of you talking. Did you have a big fight?”
She unlocked her seat belt so she could shift around to look at him. “The opposite, actually. We had a long talk and everything’s good between us now.”
He gave her a dubious look. “Just like that.”
“Well, it wasn’t exactly like that, but she had a problem and asked for my help.”
“And you didn’t tell her to stick it.”
She offered up a smile. “No.”
“What kind of problem would she need your help with?”
“It had to do with Mitchell, so we talked it over for a while and hopefully things will resolve for the two of them.”
“Oh. She’s having issues with her marriage.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You’re not really saying anything.”
“She asked me not to. I’m sorry.”
“Okay. I get it. I won’t ask you to betray a confidence. Do you feel better about Allison now?”
“Yes.”
“Nothing else matters, then.”
They got out of the car and Finn walked her up the steps to the front door, popping it open to gently call for Murphy, who came bounding out.
“Thanks for coming with me tonight,” she said.
“Hey, no problem.”
She twirled the claddagh ring around her finger. She’d gotten used to wearing it, to seeing it on her finger every day. It had become a part of her. And every time she looked at it, felt it, it gave her a feeling of permanence. She felt Finn whenever she saw it.
But it didn’t belong to her. He didn’t belong to her. And every day since that day on the boat, she had felt a sense of unease, a feeling that any moment this whole thing was going to come crashing down on top of her.
She hesitated, then pulled the ring off and held it out to Finn.
He frowned. “What the hell did you do that for?”
“The reasons for wearing it are over. Allison and I made up, Esther and Brock’s wedding is long past and we don’t have to pretend to be a couple anymore.”
“Is that what we’ve been doing, Brenna? Pretending to be a couple?”
“I—” She looked at him, not knowing what to say, wishing he would say something so she wouldn’t have to. “I don’t know. Maybe. We’re not engaged, Finn. We were just playacting.”
“So this whole time with you there were no real feelings involved. You just needed me to act like your fiancé, and now that it’s over, we’re done.”
This wasn’t going like she planned. Maybe seeing Mitchell tonight, and Allison so miserable, reminded her of all she’d gone through before, of what she never wanted to go through again. “I didn’t say that. We could still—hang out, you know.”
“Hang out. Like buddies.”
“Something like that.”
“I’ve got bros, Brenna. You’re not one of them. I thought there was more to us than just being friends. Was I wrong?”
Her heart pounded against her chest as she realized she was dangling at the edge of a cliff. She could do two things right here—tell him how she really felt about him, or walk away. And the thought of opening her heart to the possibility of hurt again was too terrifying to contemplate.
“I don’t know, Finn. I have a lot going on in my life. I’m set in my ways. And you have ambitions and things you want to do with yours. I just don’t think we’re compatible.”
“I see.” He fisted the ring in his hand and shoved it into his pocket. “I’m so glad you made this decision for us, Brenna. That you know I have ambitions and things I want to do with my life. Because you’re right about that. And clearly you don’t see yourself in my life anymore. Good to know.”
“Finn—”
“No. You’re always the one who has things to say. Now it’s my turn. I do have plans for my life. I want to start a whiskey business. Buy some land of my own. Build a bigger house. Get married and raise a family. And I thought at some point you and I could talk about those plans together, because I love you, Brenna. I’ve probably been in love with you since I was eighteen years old, since I first stepped foot on the property here and saw you standing there, all mad and defiant about some strange boy coming to live in your house. I fell in love with your spirit and your beauty and how smart you were. And then you married that jackass and I tried not to love you then, but I still did.
“I was still in love with you after your divorce when I’d catch you crying out in the garden or holed up in the library for hours on end. And when you and I got together it was like a dream to me. Your sassiness, your laugh, all of that wrapped around me and made me the happiest man around. And I thought—okay, we’ve got a chance, you and I. A chance to have something amazing together. But you never really gave me the chance, Brenna, because you were too afraid of your past to build a future with me.
“And if you want out, then I feel bad for you because I’m the best damn thing to ever happen to you. You go live your life and I’ll go live mine. Good-bye, Brenna.”
He turned and walked down the steps of the porch, Murphy wagging his tail as he followed behind him.
Brenna waited for the words to come out to yell at Finn to stop, to tell him that she’d made a huge mistake. But the words never came. She just stood there and watched him drive away while she rubbed the naked spot on her finger where Finn’s ring used to be, those sweet words he’d said to her still ringing in her ears, still wrapped around her heart. And she still couldn’t move her feet, couldn’t take those steps to stop him.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, she went inside, closed and locked the door and walked upstairs to her room. She sat on the bed, feeling as empty as she had ever felt in her life, as if there were a hole right through the center of her heart.
What had she done?
CHAPTER
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