“Drew, man. Just drop it,” Sawyer says. “However it happened, she hasn’t succeeded.” Pushing the guys aside, he stalks to my side, threading his fingers in mine. “We’re all okay. Diesel is sending a bomb expert friend of his to check out Lauder’s SUV, and he has a vehicle on the way we can use to get home.” He squeezes my hand.
“He probably has your computer bugged,” Jackson supplies, earning a dark glare from Sawyer.
“I said drop it,” Sawyer hisses through gritted teeth. “I know we need to discuss these things, but not now. We’ll figure it out later. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
Twenty minutes later, we are on the road. Diesel gave us one of his blacked-out seven-seaters, so at least there’s room for all of us. Drew is driving, and Charlie is going to take over in a couple hours. They are up front, quietly talking among themselves. Anderson is messaging Abby. Lauder is asleep with his head against the window. The mood is low. We’re all on edge and tired. I’m pissed. So fucking mad at myself and struggling to silence my thoughts.
“It’s not your fault,” Sawyer says, pressing his mouth to my ear. “Stop beating yourself up.” He must be worried about me because he crawled into the smaller two seats at the very back, beside me, with none of his usual grumbling. His legs are a few inches longer than mine, scrunched up against the seat in front, and I can tell he’s not comfortable.
“Don’t pretend you know how I’m feeling,” I snap, my skin itching with a blistering rage I need to expel. I swallow another mouthful of gin, but it’s not hitting the spot. Recapping the bottle, I toss it on the floor and quietly seethe.
“Take it out on me,” he says. “Get it all out. I can handle it.” He reaches for my hand, but I push him away.
“Stop, Hunt. Just stop.” I know he’s trying to comfort me, but my emotions are veering all over the place, and I don’t know what the fuck to do with his declaration of love. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Remarkably, he stays quiet, and somehow, I fall asleep.
22
Xavier
Hands shaking my shoulders wake me sometime later. “Xavier. We’re at the hotel,” Sawyer says, gentling his tone. “Come on. I got us a room.”
Not sure how we ended up roomies, but it beats sharing with Anderson or Drew. Drew snores like a freight train. And Anderson is prone to moaning in his sleep, calling out for Abby.
Hunt has already checked us in, and the others are nowhere in sight, so I’m guessing they’ve crashed. I stifle a yawn, clutching the bottle of gin in my hand as we ascend the floors in the elevator. I lost all my stuff in the explosion, and I’m just grateful Sawyer had insisted on storing all the evidence from Mathers’s office in his bag or we’d have lost the computer data. I back up everything to the cloud, but I’m still pissy I lost my shiny new red MacBook Pro.
“I got us a suite, but they only had one-bedroom suites available,” Sawyer says as we walk along the hallway toward our room. “I can sleep on the couch,” he tacks on the end, not sounding very committed.
I shrug, because our sleeping arrangements are the last thing on my mind right now.
He opens the door to our room, letting me walk in first. It’s pretty spacious with a separate living space, large bathroom with a tub, and a generously proportioned bedroom with a comfortable-looking king-sized bed and an en suite shower and toilet. “I’m gonna take a shower,” I say, hating how the smell of smoke clings to my clothes.
I strip out of my smoky clothes as I turn on the shower. Getting in, I stand under the steaming water, trying to evict past errors from my mind, but my mistakes enjoy taunting me when I’m feeling low. I wash my hair and my body as if on autopilot, wishing I had a magic carpet so I could zoom home, crawl into my own bed, lock the door, and shut out the world.
Eventually, I get out when I can’t take my errant thoughts anymore and my skin is starting to wrinkle. The bathroom is well equipped, so I brush my teeth and take a piss, before I realize I have nothing to change into. That’s just super duper. Wrapping a towel around my toned waist, I wander out to the bedroom.
Hunt is sitting on the bed in light sleep pants, scrolling through something on his phone.
I flop down on the bed beside him, and he lifts his head, immediately setting his phone on the bedside table. Slowly, his gaze roams my body, his intense stare growing more heated as he drinks his fill.
Sawyer has this way of looking at me that melts all my body parts. Except for the one between my legs. His dark gaze always turns my dick rock hard, and now is no different.
Sex was never an issue with us. Communicating was the blocker in our relationship.
He clears his throat, lifting his hungry eyes to mine. “I can grab you something to wear from my bag.”
I shake my head. “I’ll sleep naked, but I will need to borrow some clothes tomorrow. Mine reek of smoke.”
“No problem. I have spare shit.”
I smirk. “I know. Packing light is not in your vocab.” I lie back against the headboard, hating how I’m wide-fucking-awake now at four thirty a.m.
“Are you okay?” he asks, and I twist my head to look at him.
“Honestly? No.”
“I’m here for you. Whether you want me to listen or just sit in companionable silence.” He runs a hand through his hair in a nervous tell. “I can sleep on the couch, but I was hoping you might let me sleep in here with you. I don’t think you should be alone.”
My lips fight a twitch as I lie down on my side, facing him. “Are you hitting on me? Whatever would your wife say?”
“I set Sydney straight. As much as I want to hit on you, I would never take advantage of you when you’re vulnerable. I’m worried about you. Don’t let him fuck with your head. He’s not worth it.”
“I feel like such a fool, and now everyone is going to know and judge me. It’s like I’m seventeen again and my parents have just discovered my affair with a married man.” Sawyer’s expression showcases his surprise, but he doesn’t interrupt, reaching out and threading his fingers in mine. I hold his hand, needing his touch. “The guy told me he was separated but he couldn’t afford to pay two mortgages so that’s why he was still living in the family home.”
I shake my head as a familiar wave of self-loathing crests over me. “I was such a naïve fool to believe him.”
“You always want to see the good in people. That’s a good trait, Xavier.”
“I’ve lost my faith in humanity,” I truthfully admit. “There are too many self-serving evil bastards in the world for me to buy into that bullshit anymore.” I sigh heavily, wanting to tell Sawyer this. Needing to get it off my chest. “I can’t help but draw comparisons. I still remember the look of disgust on my father’s face and the disappointment on my mother’s when the dickhead’s wife secretly filmed us fucking and released it on the local town online forum.”
“Fuck. That was a shitty thing to do, even if she was hurting.”
“It was gross stupidity too. Age of consent is eighteen in North Dakota, and the police prosecuted her husband. He was sent down for ten years and his name will forever exist on the sex-offender’s list.”