My muscles locked, and I couldn’t move. She was leaving. All the fears I had when it came to her and she was taking care of them in one fell swoop. She was leaving, not because something horrific had happened or because she was being ripped away—she was just walking out on me. Just like my dad had done. If it wasn’t one thing, it was the other. The fire in my chest was being stoked, more coal poured on top to increase the dirty, gritty burn of it all.
“Just…we’ll talk about this in the morning.”
Clothes fell out onto the floor as Sabrina jammed even more into her bag. She kept going like I wasn’t there.
There were so many things I wanted to say, words I wished I could take back, but tonight drove home that we were never going to work. Nothing lasts forever. I’d been taught that early and often.
“Sabrina—”
“I’ll come get my stuff sometime later.” She paused at the door. Her fingers gripped the wood so tightly the color leached from her knuckles. Her lips twisted and pinched, and she stalked toward me. With a sharp breath, she leaned in and kissed me, hard and powerful—there were so many unsaid words in that kiss.
I raised my arms to hold her, but she was gone and I gripped nothing but the air.
“Bye, Hunter.”
The front door slammed, and once again I was alone in my apartment. The silence roared louder than any of my nightmare screams.
I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at her dropped clothes dotting the floor. She wasn’t coming back.
This was supposed to be for the best. It was supposed to make things easier. So why did I feel like I’d just taken a knife to the chest?
37
Sabrina
I staggered out of the elevator into the garage level and fell into my car. The interior light didn’t turn on. No, no, no. I turned the key in the ignition and a choked, whining greeted me. Slamming my hands against the steering wheel, I dropped my head against it and took deep breaths. This time, I didn’t even have my former escape route.
Back in the elevator, I went up to the lobby.
The doorman on duty looked at me.
I winced at the wide-eyed gaze radiating concern and pity. He was one of the night guys I generally only saw on date nights and didn’t know his name.
“Sabrina, are you okay?”
But he knew mine. Damn full-service, way-too-fancy apartment building. “Yes, I’m okay. I just need to go.” I rushed out the door before anyone else could ask me more questions.
I wasn’t okay, and I didn’t know where I was going. My options were limited and I doubted Barbara had another apartment here in the city I could stay in and I didn’t want to worry my grandmother with another last-minute move where I once again need a place to stay. For a split second I’d thought to ask Millie, but she was in Colorado with her family.
Ian wasn’t an option after he’d moved in with his girlfriend a couple months ago. The last thing I needed was another woman thinking I was trying to break her relationship apart. Staring at my phone, I pulled up my pitiful contacts list. There was only one option.
I waited in a coffee shop a block away from the building, nursing my coffee.
Zara rushed in, her head whipping around until she spotted me.
“I’m sorry I called you so late. I didn’t have anyone else.” The tears I thought were finished were back again.
“Of course.” She grabbed my bag and shepherded me out of the coffee shop with an arm around my shoulder.
Inside the car, I sat in my seat and barely remembered to buckle.
Zara dropped my bag into the back seat and slid into her seat looking at me the whole time like she thought I might evaporate in front of her. Her mouth thinned into a severe line, but her eyes were soft, sympathetic.
“You don’t have to tell me what happened.” She pulled off into the empty street. “I figured you might not want to stay with me and Leo, so I got you a room.”
Panic gripped me. I didn’t have money for a hotel room.
“Don’t worry, it’s comped. I have a ton of nights in the hotels that I never use.”
I nodded, fearing my voice would give out and didn’t have the strength to put up a fight when I had no other options.
“Whatever happened, I want you to know I’m here for you, Sabrina.”
And those were the words that broke me. My eyes hurt, the tears poured down my face so hard. Those were the words I’d wanted to hear, just not from her. Everything came spilling out. The whole horrible truth of why I’d left my apartment with Seth and moved in with Hunter in the first place. What happened tonight from the car crash to the disaster of a dinner, and then the Seth bomb at the end and our fight. I word vomited it all, filling the car with my hysteria in between nose-blowings and eye-wipings.
“Wow.” It was all she said. Her face was set and determined, and I hoped I hadn’t just talked myself out of the one person in the city I felt I could talk to.
Staring back at my reflection, I could see why Zara had looked at me like she had when she walked into the coffee shop.
My eyes were red and puffy. My face was splotchy, and it felt like my skin was brittle, crackable in the brutal cold. I wished I was numb though. That would make it all so much easier. Instead there was only raw, piercing, searing pain.
I’d thought I’d be immune to it by now, but this was so much worse. At my humorless laugh, Zara shot me a look. “We’re almost there.” Her fingers tightened on the steering wheel.
“I thought finding out about Seth’s wife was hard. I thought that was the worst I could ever feel, but the joke was on me all along. I’d take that over what I’m feeling right now.”
“Honey, once everyone cools down, maybe he’ll be willing to listen.”
“I don’t think I want him to. He didn’t trust me. The things he said to me…” I clapped my hands over my ears like I could block out the words reverberating inside my head.
Her hand touched my back, rubbed it, trying to bring me comfort. “We’re here. I’ll grab your bag from the back. Just head inside.”
I let Zara handle everything, not that I’d have been useful—I was feeling nearly catatonic.
She guided me, and I followed, trying to make sense of how the world kept going like nothing had changed.
Inside the room her footsteps were absorbed by the plush carpet and hotel soundproofing. The door quietly closed behind me.
“You have a tab for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for as long as you need.”
“You don’t have to do that.” I wiped at my face with my sleeve.
“Trust me, it’s not a problem. I’ve been where you are, Sabrina, and I know there’s not much I can say right now to make it better.” Her expression was so calm and quiet like she didn’t want to spook me, but I saw the truth in her words, even though I couldn’t imagine Leo and her ever going through what Hunter and I had.
My mind switched into survival mode. Making plans would save me from feeling like quicksand would come pouring into my mouth and fill my lungs if I didn’t move fast enough. “I need to call the property manager for the apartment I gave up. Maybe they’ll be nice and give me the discount. Or maybe I’ll go somewhere else. Cat’s always offered up her couch and she’d let me stay with her for a while. If my freelance work picks up, then I could float myself for a bit longer.”