Although my sheets still smelled like her, I’d tossed and turned all night. It hadn’t been the nightmares from my past; this was something different that I was scared to put a name to.
My days before Christmas had been filled with work on the concert. All the pieces were set in place, and other than paying through the nose for the gear to replace Trevor’s, it was running much smoother than I’d anticipated. For some reason, although one part of my life lay in fiery rubble, the rest was smooth sailing.
On Christmas Day, instead of throwing myself headlong into another fourteen-hour day, I’d been forced to be social, although I’d had the rest of the guys turn it into a meeting. It hadn’t been too hard since the concert was a week away.
We were meeting in Leo’s apartment. It didn’t count as work if we didn’t go into the office, right? Other than Jameson, who always complained about Teresa waking him up at five in the morning to open presents, it was like any other day for the rest of us. A day meant for food and family. GiGi had invited me down to visit her, but I’d told her I needed a rain check due to the concert. And due to her questions about Sabrina, which had gotten more pointed.
Since she hadn’t ripped me a new one, it seemed like Sabrina hadn’t mentioned it to her or her grandmother either. So GiGi was at her Widow’s Weekend in the Virgin Islands with the ladies who were on their own, keeping everyone in line.
And here I was ready to iron out all the final details for the blow-out of the year, and feeling like my chest had been caved in.
I knocked on Leo’s door. The voices of everyone else drifted into the hallway.
The door swung open, and Zara’s smile fell. “You have the nerve to show your face?” She glared, eyes burning with a fury I’d only ever seen directed at Leo.
“Why wouldn’t I? Am I too early?” I checked the time again.
“You’re lucky I even answered the door.” Her words were clipped and cutting. “Who do you think Sabrina called after your fight?”
The blood drained from my head, making me woozy. But I clung to the fact that she was at least safe. “You.”
“Bingo. She was a wreck, Hunter.”
Steeling myself, I grabbed onto my anger with both hands, needing it to pad my landing or I’d come crashing straight back down to earth all over again. “This is between her and me.”
Her eyes narrowed, and she flicked her wrist to close the door. “And you think treating her how you did is okay?”
I wedged my booted foot in the rapidly closing space and stopped it from slamming shut and leaving me out in the hallway. “She lied to me. She lied to me, and she cheated with a married man.”
Zara pushed harder on the door, trying to close it in my face. Thankfully the winter boots held up against the combo of her body weight and the solid oak slab. “You know she’d never do that. She didn’t know. And the second she found out, she left, which explains how she ended up in your grandma’s apartment in the first place.”
Her words nudged at the part of me that knew it was true, but I grabbed a chest and some chains, and padlocked that part up. This was inevitable, and all I was doing was getting in front of the eventual end to spare us both. “It’s done. What happened doesn’t matter anymore.”
She let go of the door so quickly I pitched forward, stumbling into the apartment.
“Doesn’t matter?” Her voice pitched higher.
Everyone stared at us. Their faces morphed from surprise to happiness to confusion at Zara’s sharp tone.
“You think crushing someone doesn’t matter? That kicking them out of where they’re living only days before Christmas doesn’t matter?”
“I didn’t kick her out. She left.”
“Because you called her a cheating whore.”
My spine stiffened. “I never said those words,” I volleyed back at her. “I’d never call her something like that.”
“Did you even have to? She was a mess when I picked her up. She couldn’t stop crying.”
My stomach knotted, twisting and churning at hearing about how she’d been after she walked out the apartment door. She’d looked closer to punching me than she had breaking down in tears when she said goodbye to me. That goodbye had hit with a finality I still didn’t want to face. But I wouldn’t let Zara burn me with this, so I ground out again, “I didn’t kick her out. She left.”
Zara folded her arms over her chest. “Was she supposed to stay under the same roof with you after you showed her exactly how little she meant to you?”
How little she meant to me? Would someone I didn’t care about set my soul on fire like she had? Bring me to the precipice of saying the words and making the commitments I’d promised myself I’d never make? No, she didn’t mean too little to me. She meant too much. More than I could risk. “I love her. That’s how I feel about her. But she lied to me.”
Her face softened, and her arms dropped to her side. When she met my eyes again, it wasn’t with the skin-peeling anger from before, but with pity. She shook her head. “You can’t keep doing this, Hunter.”
My eyebrows pinched together. “Doing what? How is it my fault she lied to me about her ex?”
Leo walked behind Zara and ran his hand up and down her arm. The small show of solidarity sawed at my chest, pouring salt in the gaping wound that was still raw and would be for a long time. His lips pinched together in a grim line. “She got too close, didn’t she?” His gaze focused on me, unyielding and unwavering.
“This has nothing to do with how things were between me and her. It’s about her cheating and her lies.” I clung to the reason, but it felt more and more like an excuse each time I said it out loud and as it rolled through my head.
Jameson sighed and cleaned his glasses with the hem of his shirt. “This is what you do, Hunter. We’re lucky we met you before those walls were cemented completely, because it feels like if we hadn’t met you back in college, you’d never have let anyone else in.”
My hands clenched at my sides, and I looked over Zara’s shoulder to everyone else who seemed perfectly fine to gawk and level their judgment at me. “Are we working or not? This is bullshit.”
Everest and August stood from their spots on the couches and walked toward me like this was an intervention.
“You’re ganging up on me? Last one in, first one out?” My heart slammed against my tonsils.
No one responded to my jab.
Everest stepped forward. “She had you twisted up in knots from the beginning. We could all see it.” Our conversation one of the first nights she’d moved in and how much I’d tried to avoid her came rushing back.
Jameson circled to my right. “I’ve never seen you look at anyone like you looked at her at Teresa’s birthday.”
“Because he’s never let anyone get close enough to look at them like that.” August leaned against the wall, looking not entirely on board with what was going down. At least there was one person on my side. “Trust me, I get it. Falling for someone and having them punch your heart out of your chest isn’t easy. In fact, it fucking sucks. But Sabrina seemed nice.” He shrugged.
“Oh, you’re the relationship guru now? The wedding planner who was left at the altar? How many dates have you gone on in the seven years since Carrie left you?”