But he must be upset about her. About them. That was the only explanation for what he was doing here like this. As happy as she’d been before, he was unhappy.
Maybe he’d changed his mind.
Maybe now that he’d tried it, he didn’t want her anymore.
Maybe he wasn’t sure how to tell her.
Maybe dealing with her was too much work and effort and he’d discovered she wasn’t worth it after all.
Maybe he was trying to find a way to leave her.
Maybe she hadn’t been good enough for his love after all.
The torrent of fear and insecurity bombarded her. She hugged her arms to her chest, standing in her robe in the parking lot. The feelings were strong enough that she almost left, almost ran back to her apartment to hide under the covers and escape.
But Keith was still deeply upset, and she couldn’t stand to leave him that way.
She loved him. So much. And if being with her wasn’t going to make him happy, then they’d figure out a way to deal with it.
Because she loved him more than her own baggage, she walked slowly to the passenger door of his SUV.
His eyes were downcast, and he didn’t know she was there until she tried the door handle, only to discover it was locked.
He straightened up with a jerk and hit the unlock button to let her in.
“Serena,” he began, his voice gravelly despite his obvious attempt to sound natural. “What are you doing here?”
“What do you think?”
He opened his mouth to answer, but no words came out. His face twisted, and he dropped his head again, taking a ragged breath.
She knew what was coming, and it hurt so much. More than she believed a relationship was capable of hurting her anymore.
But Keith had been honest and generous with her all this time, and she could be honest and generous with him too.
So she cleared her throat. “It’s okay. It’s really okay.”
He slanted a quick glance in her direction.
“You can tell me the truth. If this is too much, too fast. Or if now that you’ve... if you’ve decided this isn’t what you want... Or if you want to go back to just being friends...” She had to stop to control the sob that was slowly rising in her throat. “It’s okay, Keith. You can tell me.”
He was frowning now with what might have been confusion. “Serena, it’s not that. It’s... it’s...”
He was trying. She could see he was trying. But he couldn’t seem to get the words out.
The ache on his face was too much. She had to help if she was able. “Did you get scared or something?”
He nodded, his mouth twisting strangely. “But it’s not what you’re thinking. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry to do this to you. I can’t believe I just left you like that. And I was actually going to drive away. I have no idea where I was going to go. I just... panicked. I don’t know what’s the matter with me. You deserve so much better than this. I didn’t want you to see me like this.”
She gave a huff that was half tears and half dry amusement. “That sounds familiar. You have no idea how often I’ve felt that way myself. But listen to me, Keith.” She reached out to put a hand on his forearm. “Listen to me for a minute.”
“I’m listening.” He’d turned his head fully. His eyes never left her face.
“I’ve been so scared lately. For a long time. Ever since my feelings for you started to change. It’s been months now. I’ve been so scared that I’m too much of a mess—I have too much baggage for you to deal with. I’ve been so worried that I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t fixed myself enough to deserve to be with you.”
He made a choking sound. “Serena, that’s ridiculous. I love you. All of you. And I want to be with every part of you. All your mess and baggage and insecurities. All that is part of you, so I want all that too.”
A tear streamed down her cheek, but it wasn’t the bad kind. She smiled. “I know that now. I believe that now. You’ve shown it to me in so many ways. So don’t you think it’s possible that I can love you like that too? That I want to see all of you—all your mess—too?”
He took a few shaky breaths, his face tightening with emotion.
“You don’t have to do everything right, Keith. You don’t have to always be careful with me. I love you. Exactly as you are.”
He made a sound like a low sob and reached out to pull her into a hug. Since the console was between them, it wasn’t the easiest or most comfortable of embraces, but Serena wouldn’t have traded it for the world.
He was shaky for a minute, but he’d controlled himself by the time he pulled away. “I love you too, Serena. You know I do.”
“So why are you here in this car instead of sleeping in bed with me?”
“Because... I got scared. Of how I’ll feel if you decide that this isn’t... I know I need to be patient. I don’t resent you at all for taking your time. But after we had sex, I kept imagining how I would survive if things didn’t work out. And I guess I just... freaked out and needed to escape. We can still go slow if you need to. I promise. We don’t have to make a real commitment until you’re ready. I guess I’m just getting impatient.”
She laughed. She didn’t intend to, but it spilled out before she could stop it. Then she laughed some more at his frown. “I’m so sorry, Keith. I’m not laughing because of how you feel. I understand completely. I’m laughing because you don’t need to feel that way anymore.”
“I don’t?” He looked almost suspicious.
“No.” That joy that had filled her earlier tonight rose up again, bigger and brighter and purer than before. “Because I love you, Keith. And I want to be with you for the rest of my life. In every way. And I can commit myself to that love right now. This minute. If that’s what you want?”
He made another one of those choking sounds as his eyes flooded with a feeling that matched hers. “Really?”
She nodded, a couple more tears leaking out. “Yes. Really. You don’t have to wait anymore.”
He hugged her again, shaking with emotion. Since she was shaking too, it felt exactly right.
“So can we go back upstairs and go to bed?” she asked, finally pulling away. “I don’t like leaving Eva by herself up there.”
“Oh my God,” he muttered, turning off the ignition and opening his door. “Eva. What the hell was I thinking? You locked the door, didn’t you?”
“Of course I locked the door. She’s sleeping. She’s just fine. But let’s please go back inside.”
He took her hand after they both got out of the car. “In case it wasn’t clear, I’m committed to you too. For the rest of my life. Forever.”
Serena couldn’t seem to stop smiling now. “Yeah, I kind of knew that already. But it’s nice to hear anyway.”
WHEN HE FINALLY WENT to bed for real, Keith slept hard and long and deep. Better than he had in months. And he woke up alert and invigorated and grinning as Serena blinked at him groggily from her side of the bed.
“What time is it?” she asked, clearly not oriented enough to check the clock herself.