Burning Tess’ manuscript won’t change that. Besides, she might enjoy writing on a typewriter for novelty’s sake, but surely she has other copies of the book? Only an idiot or a narcissist would write a single paper copy and leave its integrity up to chance.
I look from the lighter to the manuscript, and I wonder. I wonder if this really is Tess’ only copy. I wonder what she’d do if I burned it. I wonder what she’d do if she knew that I read it.
“Why are you doing this?” I ask Parrish, and he frowns at me, like he’s absolutely furious somehow. At me or at Tess, I’m not sure. Maybe with himself? It’s impossible to tell. I turn all the way around to face him, absently playing with the diamond tennis bracelet around my left wrist. The sun hits the metal heart pin that’s attached to my book bag, reminding me of yet another one of Tess’ random gifts, of her secret birthday letter that was essentially an antonym of the novel she planned to publish for the whole world to read. “You always choose Tess over yourself.”
My words seem to have a strange effect on Parrish. His brown eyes darken substantially, and he looks away, his jaw clenched, his fingers tightening around the lighter.
“Just take it before I change my mind,” he growls at me, but I can’t do it. I can’t seem to move from that spot. I don’t care about Tess. At least … I told myself I didn’t care about Tess. What does it matter if some random woman likes me or not? Only, she isn’t just a random woman. And she isn’t just my bio mom. She’s a woman who carried me for nine months, who gave birth to me, who raised me for two years until I was stolen, a woman who never stopped searching, a woman whose love for me didn’t seem to be able to be questioned.
Now that I’ve lost it, I’m not even sure where to go from here.
With a huff and a sigh, Parrish pockets the lighter just in time for Tess to pop her head into the room. She doesn’t look very happy.
“Is that my manuscript?” she asks, choking on the words as she steps inside, her eyes going from the trash can to my face, to Parrish’s. He turns toward her, his expression something I’ve never seen around Tess before: disappointment.
“I didn’t want her here at first, but I do now,” he says, taking the lighter back out of his pocket and chucking it in the can beside the stack of papers. “It seems like you’re of the opposite opinion? You should be ashamed of yourself.”
Without another word, Parrish turns and leaves my room, closing his bedroom door behind him and leaving me alone with Tess Vanguard formerly Tess Patterson, mother of Mia Patterson who, apparently, is me.
I am Mia Patterson.
“Dakota,” Tess starts, the name foreign on her lips, some curse in another language that she doesn’t understand but for the distaste it leaves as it rests on her tongue. “Did you read this?”
“I read enough of it,” I say, because I don’t care what else is in that book. The part that I just read was written today. Today. I know I haven’t been the easiest person in the world to get along with lately, but I’ve tried. I went along with the birthday celebration even though I felt sick the whole time. I went along with the talk show even though it turned into a monumental disaster. Tess won’t let me talk to my family back home; I had to sneak out just to see my sister for coffee, and now I’ve lost even that.
I hate all of this. I hate it.
The silence between us is more than enough of an answer.
“So you brought me here and you don’t even want me?” I ask. Then and only then does it really and truly hit me, how lost I feel, how disconnected from fucking anyone except maybe Parrish. Parrish. Of all people.
“You’re an eleven, you know? At least for me.”
“I’ve never wanted anything more.” Tess says the words, but they don’t show on her face. It’s that perfect blend of desperation and frigidity that she seems to specialize in. It’s like she’s two different people at the same time: the mother I always wanted and my worst enemy, wrapped into a single package. “But I can’t apologize for the things I wrote. Dakota, it’s no secret that we’re having trouble connecting. That’s not unexpected.”
A harsh laugh escapes me, and I end up sitting down heavily on the edge of my bed. I’m so fucking glad in that moment that it’s my real bed, the one that my grandmother made for me. It gives me strength somehow, even though she’s nearly three thousand miles away from me.
“Tell me about my father,” I say abruptly, folding my hands in my lap and leaning over. My green and black hair falls across my arms like a blanket. At this point, I wish I’d let Parrish ink me so I could reveal it to Tess, just to see the shock on her face. “You owe me that much at least—especially since you dislike me so much.”
“I love you, Dakota,” Tess protests, but we both know that isn’t the same thing, not at all. “Your father isn’t important. He’s nothing. He’s nobody.” I lift my gaze up to look at her. She may as well be carved of ice for all that her expression gives anything away. On the other hand, those words were fire.
She’s hiding something.
“Saffron knows more than I do.”
“Saffron is a liar and a kidnapper. Whatever nonsense she was whispering in your ear, you may as well forget it.” Tess stares me down like the self-made multimillionaire she is, like I’m yet another hill to be climbed and conquered. “No amount of guilt-tripping will change my mind. Now, if you’d like, we could go to a family therapist and—”
“A therapist?” I snap back, shoving up to my feet. “We don’t need a therapist to talk to each other; you’re the one who always runs away. I’m trying here, Tess. I’m trying so fucking hard that sometimes I just want to throw myself into the goddamn lake. Why can’t you just talk to me?”
Tess throws her arms up like she just can’t deal with this anymore, taking her manuscript and storming out of the room. I follow her into the hallway, but we’re nowhere near done.
“Tell me about my fucking dad!” I scream, even though I know I’m being hysterical here. Tess ignores me, stepping into her office and slamming the door behind her. I know I shouldn’t, but I follow her anyway, pounding on the door even though I know she isn’t going to let me in. “I have a right to know who he is! And as soon as I find him, you can bet your ass that I’m out of here—permanently. DNA is all that matters, right? Well, I’ve got his DNA in me, too.” I pause here, breathing heavily, my hands clenched so tightly into fists that I’m drawing blood. “Even if I stay here until I turn eighteen, I’m out. I’ll drive off at midnight on my birthday and you will never see me again.” Another pause. Each second of silence infuriates me even further. “Oh, and by the way: I’m dating Lumen. You hear me? DATING!”
“Hey.”
Parrish grabs me by the shoulder and turns me around. I end up with my back pressed to the door of Tess’ office, breathing so heavily that I’m starting to see stars. I’m mad. Angrier than I’ve ever been in my life. It’s suddenly hit me that I don’t know who I am or what the fuck I’m doing here or—
Parrish’s hot mouth crashes into mine, and then my fingers are digging into the fabric of his hoodie so hard that I’m probably bruising his chest. We shouldn’t do this here, I think, but what does it matter? So what if I fuck Tess’ precious son? Who cares? She doesn’t like me anyway, doesn’t even think of me as a daughter.