“Uncle Jay was one of the most loved teachers at the Academy. Kids looked up to him. He was a good coach and a good husband. He’d never.”
“Well, he did. And his lies are the reason that the entire town hates me. I could end this all. Share the proof, but I don't want to hurt him the way he’s hurt me. So, I chose to let it go. But, you...you could have just come to me and asked.”
I pivot around. “What kind of proof?” If she claims he’s lying and she has proof, I need to see it.
She pats her pockets and looks up at me when she comes up empty-handed. “Where’s my phone.”
Stepping past her, I walk over to the kitchen table and pick it up then extend it to her. She meets me halfway and snatches it from my hand.
A few seconds later, she’s handing it back to me. “Read them.”
It’s a chain of messages dating all the way back to the summer. Normal conversations: How’s your day going? What are you wearing? And..oh god. I’ll never unsee that pic of Uncle Jay’s dick. Digging my fingers into my eyeballs, I try to erase the image from my head to no avail. I keep scrolling in hopes of forgetting it.
My eyes pop when I come to an image of Nadia in a black string bikini. Damn.
I look up at her as she stands there with her arms crossed over her chest. But, it’s the scowl on her face that does me in. Was I wrong this whole time?
“Well,” she says, “are you convinced or do you also want to hear the voicemails he’s left me?”
I shake my head no.. “I just don’t understand.” My body drops down into the chair at the kitchen table. “Him and my aunt were so happy.”
“Were they? Because he told me they were miserable. In fact, he told me she was planning on moving back to wherever her family is. He just left first because he lost his job and his reputation here in Cutler Creek.”
“Did he ever mention me?”
“He mentioned his nephew, but I thought it was a little kid. Now that I know it’s you, I just..I’m sorry for everything you went through, Zack.”
In a fleeting moment I’m on my feet, growing angry again. “I don’t want your fucking pity.” Of course he told her. This girl probably knows my entire life story. From Mom’s addiction to dad’s abuse—to me having no one or nothing. “Ya know, it still doesn’t change the fact that you slept with a married man. He lost his job because of you. Had to move away and left me here alone to fend for myself.”
“It was a huge mistake. Jordan was not the man I thought he was. The minute we were found out, he put all the blame on me and the entire town turned against me. Upstanding citizen, family man, and All-American Coach and teacher gets seduced by a student. How do you think that sounds to everyone? Because that’s what they all think.”
“Well, at least you still have a family.” My voice raises as I begin flicking the light switch up and down. “You see this? This is my fucking home. My life. At least until I get kicked out because I can’t afford to pay rent anymore. But I don’t bitch and complain to anyone. I just do what I have to do to get through another day. Who cares what people think of you? At least you have people who care enough to even have you in their thoughts.”
Her chin drops to her chest and she walks over to me, grabbing her phone from my hand and heading toward the door. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“That’s it?” I shout, “after everything, you think ‘I’m sorry’ makes it all better?”
Her entire body swings around. Her eyes bloodshot and swollen, tempting tears. “Your friends fucking drugged me last night! You expect me to stay here another minute when I’m sure that you had a part in it?” She comes at me, shoving her hands to my chest. “Well, did you? Did you tell them to do it?”
I grab a hold of both of her wrists to stop them from flying at me. "I didn't do it. I swear to you. I had no idea what they were planning."
"You're telling me that you had no part in this?" Her head drops and for some reason, I feel the need to pull her close, so I do. To my surprise, she lets me. Burying her face into my chest, she breaks down. "Tell me the truth, please."
My arms glide slowly around her, taking care not to go too far, out of fear that she'll pull away. "I asked them to get you alone so I could talk to you. Give you a couple drinks so you'd loosen up and tell me the truth." Her head comes up, her tear-soaked eyes look back at me and there's this undeniable ache in my chest. I don't like seeing any girl cry, especially this one. Even if I am the reason for her tears.
"You could have just asked me."
"I asked you so many times why you left the Academy and you just said it wasn't my business, or changed the subject."
Her voice rises with each word. "Because it's personal. I hardly know you. Why would I share what happened with you?"
"Exactly. That's why I thought I had to go to extremes to get a response. You wouldn't tell me anything. All I knew is what my uncle told me. I had no reason not to believe him."
"Yeah, well, what's done is done. There's no going back. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to go home."
"So, that's it? Suddenly I'm the bad guy because I was lied to and you did no wrong?"
With a wrinkled forehead, she looks at me like I'm still just a stranger. "I never said what I did wasn't wrong. But, I'm not going to keep living in the past. I'm trying to right my wrongs and move on with my life. I suggest you do the same."
And just like that, she's heading toward the door again, leaving me standing here more confused than ever with an agonizing knot in the pit of my stomach.
"Nadia, wait," I holler, before I start chasing after her. She's already out the door and walking down the driveway. "Would you wait a damn minute? It's four o'clock in the morning and you don't have your car." She doesn't pick up her pace, making it easy for me to catch up. She just walks slow and steady with a little stagger to the left, leading me to believe she's still reeling from the sleeping pills. "Would you just come back inside and sleep this off and I'll take you home in the morning?"
When she doesn't respond, I take hold of her hand. She stops. Frozen in place, looking down at our skin to skin contact. "I think it's best if you just stay away from me, Zack. You've been through enough and I don't wanna drag you down with me."
Sweeping my thumb under her eye, I catch her tears that keep falling. "If we're both at the bottom together, it'll be less lonely."
I hate seeing her like this. Why does it bother me so much? How could I ever want to make this girl miserable? What have I done? Not just tonight, but all the visits to her house just to scare her. The volleyballs in her locker. Telling Lacey to humiliate her at all costs.
She was supposed to come undone, but in the process, I'm the one who fell apart.
Or maybe I'm being put back together. Whatever I'm feeling right now is foreign to me. All I know is, I want more.
16
Nadia
I’ve never seen this side of Zack. I’m sure there are a lot of sides I’ve never seen. But, I like this one. Just by looking in his eyes, I can tell that he’s being sincere. “Loneliness is a state of mind,” I tell him as I scrutinize the emphatic expression he’s wearing.