“Doesn’t make it any less painful.”
It’s true. I’ve never been lonely before. I was always surrounded by people and people enjoyed my company. Now, everyone turns their noses up at me and then there’s the group of kids who are just cruel and want to hurt me. They’re all just waiting for me to break.
Then there’s this guy—who has literally lost everything, and he’s still standing. It goes to show that my life isn’t as bad as I think it is sometimes.
“Come on,” he continues with a tip of his head. “Let’s go back in and sleep and I’ll take you home in a couple hours.”
I shouldn’t go, but after everything he knows, he still wants me to. I had a three-month affair with his married uncle and instead of kicking me to the curb, he’s still putting my well-being first. “Ok,” I say, still unsure if this is a good idea.
Zack starts walking back toward the house. It isn’t until now that I notice he changed. He’s wearing a pair of grey joggers and a cut-off black tee shirt and even after losing everything, he still holds his head high and shows the world his strength.
I wonder if his friends know what he’s been through. I can’t imagine anyone would allow him to live like this. No electricity, no food—he literally has nothing.
Is this my fault?
My heart slides down into my stomach and the corner of my eyelids sting from the impending tears. If Jordan and I had never slept together, maybe him and Nikki would still be married. They’d all still live here and Zack would have someone to come home to.
Zack pulls open the screen door and we both step inside. The only light shines from a lantern on the kitchen table and it’s a reminder of what he’s lost.
I stop in the kitchen, my eyes locked on the glowing orange light. “I’m so sorry, Zack.” I breakdown. Full on sobbing, tears falling and not stopping. My hands clap over my face and I bury it deep, wanting to hide myself because I’m so ashamed of what I’ve done.
I never cared before. Never once thought about the repercussions. Jordan said his marriage had failed and I just assumed that was the end of it. Figured he took his nephew—who I thought was a child—and moved away to teach somewhere else. Now that I know it was Zack, I have a mountain of regret.
Zack steps in front of me, wraps his around my back and pulls me close. “What’s done is done. I wish it would have never happened, but if it didn’t, I probably would have never met you.”
“And that would have been a bad thing?”
“Wellllll,” he teases. “You are sort of a pain in the ass and a horrible tutor. Just horrible.”
I can’t help but laugh. “In my defense, you don’t make tutoring easy.”
“It’s been….different. But, I think it’s time we put all this shit in the past. My aunt and uncle aren’t getting back together. Even if you were the one lying, their marriage is doomed.”
I take a step back, so I can see him. “What are you going to do? You can’t live here like this?”
He shrugs a shoulder and looks past me. “I’ll be fine. Always am. I’d say I could stay with Brock but I’m still pretty pissed at those guys, even if it was all Lacey and Jonas.”
“Wait a minute,” I glower. “Jonas was part of this? But I didn’t even see him at all last night.”
“Oh, he was there. And if I hadn’t gotten to you when I did, who knows what he would have done. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to report this. He needs to be put in his place.”
My head shakes. “No. The last thing I need is more attention on me or more turmoil for my parents. I’ll let it go this time, but that guy better stay far away from me or I’ll take care of him myself.”
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll make damn sure he never touches you again.”
I walk into the living room and sit down on the couch, suddenly not feeling well again. “I just need to lie down for a bit.”
“Alright,” he nods, “I’ll just go lie down in my room. Holler if you need anything.”
He begins down the short hall, but I stop him. “Zack?”
His head pops around the corner while he grips the wall. “Yeah?”
“Can I lay with you? I'm still sort of...freaked out.” It’s an odd request, but I really don’t want to be alone right now. I still feel woozy and I have this yucky feeling inside of me about last night.
“Yeah. Of course.” I stand up and close the space between us before Zack starts leading me to his bedroom. “Just ignore the mess. Haven’t been able to see what I’m doing.” He laughs through what I know is embarrassment.
When he pulls the comforter back, I slide underneath it until my elbow hits the wall. Letting it drop back down, Zack sits on top of the blanket and presses his head to the headboard.. “Sleep tight, Blue Jay.”
My lips curl upward. “You, too.”
I’m just lying there with my back to Zack while he sits up and gives me space. I never took him as a gentleman, but he sure is acting like one lately.
My eyes shut, then open. Shut, then open. I blink rapidly, hoping I’ll tire my eyes out and just fall asleep, but I can’t. Flipping over, I face him. “Zack?” I whisper. His gaze dawns on me. Wide, tired eyes, raised brows, and a bite to the corner of his lip that sends my pulse into a rapidly beating frenzy. “How long have you lived here?” I don’t know why I asked, but I just want to talk to him—about normal stuff, about life.
“Uh, two years.”
“Do you ever talk to your dad?” It’s a personal question, but I am curious. I remember Jordan saying that his dad was local. Apparently he doesn’t leave the house much and drinks a lot.
“No. Not at all.” His back slides down the headboard until he’s on his side facing me. He props his head up with his hand and digs his elbow into the plush mattress.
“Do you miss him?”
He shakes his head, no. “Not even a little bit. I might miss the man he was when I was young, but that man died when my mom left.” He draws in a breath. “How about you? Close with your parents?”
I feel guilty admitting it, but the truth is, I’m very close with them. “Yeah, we’re a pretty close family.” His hand starts reaching toward my face. “What?” I ask, questioning what he’s doing.
His thumb glides underneath my left eye. “You had some of that black makeup stuff under your eye. All good now.”
I chuckle. “Thanks. And it’s called mascara.”
I wish I could just stay in this bed with him all day. Shutting out the world, talking, and getting to know this side of him that I didn’t know existed. It’s crazy how something terrible can bring two people together and turn a disaster into something amazing.
He chortles in response and just lies there, looking at me like I’m some sort of spectacular view—a morning sunrise or a rainbow after a storm.
“Do you have plans after graduation?” I ask him, once again curious and just making conversation.
“Probably get a full-time job locally. Maybe try to go to an automotive trade school. Honestly, I’m not really sure. You?”
“I’m leaving for New York right after graduation. I was accepted to NYU.”