“I’m not like Vivica or those girls that hover around you. I’m not ready to be that open and confident for any guy yet.”
“I never wanted that. Vivica fulfilled a physical need, nothing else. You’re something I want even if I suspect it’s going to frustrate me to have you. And it will frustrate the hell out of me. I can barely watch you at the bar with other guys, woman. I almost pounded that guy’s head into the side of the bar when he sipped the tequila from your stomach last night.”
“I watched you get head from a girl last night, and you’re worried about a guy licking my stomach?” She smirked and rolled her eyes. “That’s ridiculous, Cole.”
“I did that because you wanted me to, because it got you off. No other reason. You’re working toward something, and I’m here to work on it with you, whatever it is—even if it’s me being your damn porn.”
“That’s not what that was,” she whisper-yelled at me, her eyes darting around the cafe. “Don’t say that so loud.”
“What?” I held my hands out, palms up, “Porn? Zoey, everyone watches it. Don’t be embarrassed.”
“Oh my God.” She face-palmed but her shoulders shook with a laugh. I chuckled along with her and when she raised her eyes up to look at me, I was surprised to find her hand creeping across the table to grab mine. “Thank you for not making me feel crazy for everything that happened last night.”
“Crazy is only what we make people. No judgment, Bug. I can at least promise you that.”
“That’s a good start, I guess.” She sighed. “I wasn’t always a yo-yo of emotions. I knew what I wanted, and I was quick to take it.”
“I get glimpses of that.” I nodded because she’d shown me exactly what she wanted, asked for it, and been strong enough to sit down and watch the show. “I don’t normally hire someone if I don’t see the heathen in them.”
“Right. You realize heathen means you don’t believe in God, right?”
“It can mean a lot. For us, it means we don’t follow a standard and our driving force isn’t the rule of society. People know when they walk into our bar that they won’t be judged by them either.”
“Hmmm.” She stared out the window at spring blooming across campus. Birds chirped outside and the wind rustled through the green trees. “I used to work in a bar where I thought we could all belong. I even invited my mother there. I’m an only child, just my mom and me. We had the best times in that bar … and the worst.”
If I pried now, she’d shut down. So, I kept my mouth shut and waited.
The monotone words slipped from her lips. “She always had trouble with alcohol, but the drugs they were doing in the basement were harder and much worse. I didn’t know, but when I found out, I ran down to get her. The men, who I thought were her friends, had taken all that she was, and she proceeded to hand over me for her addiction.”
One tear rolled down her cheek and my stomach twisted as my mind shifted the puzzle pieces of her car wreck into place.
She continued on, turning the coffee mug round and round on the table. “You know, I look back at it and try to be logical. She told me to kiss a guy so she could have another hit. I let him put his lips on mine and feel me up a bit. I was able to drag her out then. It wasn’t that big of a deal, right?” She shrugged but her voice cracked. “I don’t think I’ve ever been the same.”
“I don’t think you could be. Our experiences, good or bad, will always change us. That doesn’t mean we’re worse or better, just different.”
“Yeah.” She nodded rapidly. “Yeah. I hear the words you’re saying.”
“But to let them sink in and mean something takes time.”
“And I’m not sure why but for some reason, with you, I don’t need time.”
I threaded my fingers through hers and turned our knuckles to look at our hands intertwined. “Maybe we’re all broken enough that we can fit together just right with some, huh?”
“That would be a nice twist to a shitty story.” She laughed and then sniffed like she needed to get past it. “Let’s see where it goes.”
“As long as it doesn’t go back to you watching me with another woman or me watching you with another man.” I grunted, because I had to make one thing clear. “I’m drawing a line in the sand now, Bug—exclusive dating for us or I’ll be dragging guys out of my bar in a rage.”
When she laughed and pointed at me, I looked down at my shirt. She asked what I didn’t think she’d notice. “Are you wearing green for me?”
I smirked. “You’re damn right I am. You’re mine. The color shows it.”
9
Zoey
For two weeks straight, we talked every night. I saw him at the bar or at class or he stopped by my place.
Happy didn’t begin to describe how I felt.
The sun shined brighter, the birds sang louder, the air felt cleaner.
Most importantly, I was lighter and happier. I’d shared my secrets and gotten past them.
I texted him on the way to class.
Me: Spring should probably last forever.
Cole: Quit admiring the flowers and get here. I can’t save you a spot forever.
Me: Are the girls fighting to sit right beside you?
Cole: Even if they were, I wouldn’t notice. I’m thinking about something else.
My body heated. Cole and I had been verging on sexting for days now, and we made out constantly. Yet, he hadn’t taken me, and I wasn’t sure why. The almost-sexts were a poor substitute for what we both wanted. I was putting out all the signs, and if he wasn’t going to do something about it soon, I would. I wasn’t sure if I’d scared him with my story, if he wanted to make it special, or if he was just screwing with me.
Me: If it’s about the text I sent this morning, I’m happy to send another.
I’d taken a few pictures of myself in my bra and panties to up the ante in our conversations. Obviously, they were received well.
Cole: Jesus, there’s more?
I didn’t answer. I was already walking up behind him. So, I slid my phone in my pocket, wiggled past a few in the row and plopped down. “Hiya, stranger.”
He kissed me hard on the mouth like he wanted everyone to know who I belonged to. I kissed him back just as hard.
“Hiya, yourself.” He ran a tongue over his teeth as he took in my outfit. “Pink and lush with a freaking teaser.”
I rolled my eyes but my stomach tightened. I’d dressed specifically for him, knowing my tight pink sweater would draw his attention. With his eyes on me, my body heated immediately.
The professor didn’t say a word when the bell rang. Instead, he wrote up on the projector, “I don’t have a voice today, so I’ll be starting a film. Take notes as I will be asking questions next week on the movie.”
Thank God.
When he shut off the lights, I looked over at my Ladybug staring straight ahead.
I put my arm around her shoulder and when I saw her shiver, I pulled it back to take my jacket off. “You should have worn your damn coat today.”