Not just that, but I’d spent years trying to push Rae from my mind. If I slept with her? If I had that memory? I’d never be able to move on with someone else.
And I . . . I care about this woman.
I barely knew her, but I wanted her happiness even if I wasn’t meant to be the source of it. Sitting in the car with her, talking about things that should’ve been awkward and difficult but had felt so effortless, so easy, fun—that was Rae. That was all Rae. That’s how things were with her. Fun. Easy. Which should’ve been a big red flag. Nothing easy lasts. Except I was blind where she was concerned.
I’d meant what I’d confessed yesterday, Rae was sweet. Sunshine and rainbows. If caring could be measured in time spent thinking about somebody, she was probably the most important woman in my life.
That just makes you sad, Jackson. I nodded because, yep, that was probably true. But who was I except the guy who fell when I should’ve stayed upright?
And so I laughed.
“Something funny?” Cletus’s question was low, quiet. I barely heard the words.
“Oh. Just everything.”
“What happened?”
“You saw what happened.” I continued chuckling, opening the lid on my coffee container and dumping the contents on the ground. My mouth tasted like ash. “It’s all in the video.”
“I mean, what happened with Ms. Ezra? How long have you two been keeping in touch?”
I gave my head a subtle shake, glancing at Cletus briefly over my shoulder. “We haven’t.”
“Well. That’s a flagrant lie.”
“It’s not.”
“As you may recall, I was present when you met. I provided the introduction.”
“Yeah. But we didn’t keep in touch after that night.”
Cletus seemed to grow mighty still. “Y’all didn’t speak again after sleeping together?”
“No. We didn’t.”
He made a choking sound that had me looking at him again. His eyes were wide, his mouth open.
“What? What is it?” I asked.
“You just admitted to sleeping with Raquel Ezra.”
“I didn’t—I . . .”
He dipped his head, his eyes wide with meaning.
I cursed. “You tricked me.”
“I certainly did. Who else knows?”
“Absolutely no one.” I sliced my hand through the air, my temper rising. “And we didn’t—we didn’t—it’s none of your business what happened, but it’s not what you think.”
He straightened his spine, standing at his full height, which for the record was the same as mine. “Are you telling me that you’ve kept this secret for . . .” his eyes moved up and to the right “—five and a half years?”
“Yes,” I ground out. “And I don’t want you saying anything.”
“I shan’t tell a soul. Except for my Jenn. Because she shares my soul.”
“Cletus!”
“But you do realize this makes you one of—how many brothers do I have?”
“Five,” I grumbled. “Which you well know. And I don’t want you telling Jenn. Tell no one.” Jenn was his wife and a lovely woman, but I didn’t even want Cletus to know.
He ignored my order. “This makes you one of seven men on the face of the earth who would’ve kept this secret.” He nodded somberly and then stepped forward. “I’m ready to share the plan, Jackson.” His words were a riddle.
“Plan? What plan?”
“The plan to rescue your career and reputation.”
“How’re you going to manage that? I was on duty. I deserve to be fired.”
“Nah.” He shrugged, his eyes on his phone screen. “You deserve no such thing. Not for kissing your woman.”
“I was on duty. And Rae is not my—” I rolled my eyes. There was no use arguing with Cletus.
“No, you weren’t on duty. And yes, she most certainly is.”
“I’m not talking to you about Rae anymore, but I should know whether or not I was on duty.”
“No, you weren’t.” He lifted up his cell and showed me the paused screen. “Doesn’t your Thursday shift end at four?”
“No. Not if I—”
“Yes, it does. Yesterday, it did. You clocked in at six, that means—collective bargaining rules—your shift ended at four.”
I closed my eyes, trying to think. “No. Cletus. I was there on a call.”
“Were you? There’s no official log of it. Nothing on the radio—according to Flo. Your shift ended and then you kissed your woman.”
“You’re being too literal with the rules. That’s not how things work.”
“But that’s how your representative at the Association sees it.”
I reared back. “You talked to Mike?”
“I did. I work on his old Toyota Celica. He loves that car. I called him to check on the engine work I’d done and to give him a heads-up about the video and about how your ten-hour shift had ended. And he’s already called your father.”
“My father.” I groaned, pushing a hand through my hair, pain radiating outward from my chest. What must he think of me?
I’d made some dumbass, careless choices regarding public displays of affection with women when I was younger, but nothing like this. Nothing caught on video and broadcast everywhere.
“Anyway, the Association has your father’s hands tied.”
“He wanted to fire me?” I croaked, turning over my shoulder to peer at Cletus.
He looked at me for a stretch, gathering a deep breath before saying, “I don’t rightly know what the sheriff wanted to do. But I do know, you don’t wish to let your father down.”
Cletus didn’t usually point out the obvious unless he was setting a person up to take a verbal journey through his train of logic. I gritted my teeth and glared at him, waiting for the lecture I knew was coming.
Sure enough, he said, “You are your own man, Jackson. I freely admit—” Cletus lifted his hands, palms out as though to stop any argument I might launch “—I hero-worship the man too. Half the men in this town do. And none of us are his son. But you can’t make Jeffrey James happy one hundred percent of the time. It’s your life, not his. Mistakes will be made.” A hint of sympathy entered his voice. “But they’re your mistakes. They belong to you. Not to him.”
I released a shuddering sigh, the pain in my lungs persisting. “He’s my father, Cletus.”
“I know, Jackson.”
“I feel like—” I had to draw in another breath, working to release some of the tightness in my chest “—I’m never going to live up to him.”
He frowned. “You think it’s your job to be your father? You think that’s what sons are supposed to do? You live up to Jeffrey James, I live down to Darrell Winston?”
“No.” I shook my head, staring at the mix of grass and gravel under my boots. “Course not.” I knew I was lucky. Folks never let me forget it.
“Anyhoo. Now you know what’s up and can mentally prepare for tonight.”
“Tonight?” My gaze shot to Cletus.