It’s moot though. I turn my head to look at Emory. “I don’t know what I would have done, but in the end, I would have supported what you wanted.”
She shoots me a quick glance—and in that brief moment, I see she’s touched—before putting her eyes back on Felicity as she responds. “Is it awful of me that I just don’t want him to be a part of my life? I mean… fine, he should have something with Felicity and I’m all for that. But it doesn’t mean he gets to be a part of a family unit with us again.”
“That doesn’t make you awful at all,” I reassure her as I watch Felicity bring her horse to a halt on the far end of the arena, per Nora’s request. Nora walks toward her and I use the opportunity to fully face Emory. My hand goes to the side of her neck where I give a gentle squeeze. “You center your life around Felicity and all decisions you make are in her best interest. You do a fabulous job of it. But that doesn’t mean you cannot make decisions in your own best interest too. You’re still allowed to look out for your happiness, and you owe Shane nothing other than to try to let him be a parent if he can handle it. Past that, if you don’t want him in your life, it’s your right to say no to him.”
Emory lets out a long, shaky breath and admits, “I don’t think I realized how much I’d been doubting myself until you reaffirmed that I’m allowed to not want to be around him. I was starting to feel that same guilt that would creep up on occasion after I made the decision to separate. I just don’t want to be sucked into it again.”
“You won’t be,” I assure her. I’ll fucking make sure she looks out for herself.
Emory’s gaze cuts back to Felicity, who is still halted on her horse and talking to Nora. When she gives me her attention again, she says, “I can’t begin to tell you how bad things were for several months before I finally got the courage to leave. I don’t even want to tell you about it, because I don’t want to have to think about it. But for whatever reasons, the cumulative effects from all the pain he caused me and Felicity… it broke something inside of me toward him. I’d like to say I don’t feel a thing for Shane, but I do. I feel so much anger, and disgust, and I don’t trust him at all. I want to rail at him for everything he did to his daughter, because drugs were more important to him than she was. It’s that anger that constantly brews when he’s around that I’m barely able to manage. And so when he wants to spend more time with us, I want to scratch his eyes out.”
My chin jerks inward, my eyes slightly flaring over her desire for violence. But then I can’t help snickering. “I think I’d actually like to see it.”
She shakes her head, a half-smile on her face, and I drop my hand away from her neck. “It’s not funny. I feel awful feeling so awful toward him. Maybe I need therapy.”
I laugh and then loop my arm around her neck, pulling her into me. “I’m sorry for laughing. You’re just so fierce and I love it.”
Her face is pressed slightly at my collarbone but I can understand her muffled words. “I swear… if he does anything to hurt Felicity, I’ll kill him, Jett. I hope you’re prepared to have a girlfriend in prison.”
I laugh again and press a kiss to the top of her head. I know it won’t ever happen, but I do have a better understanding of how she feels about Shane. All those insecurities I had that she might want to give him another chance are burned away by her vehemence.
My eyes catch movement, and Felicity has the horse walking. Then she kicks again, and it takes off faster and I’m equal parts scared and exhilarated.
“Fuck,” I mutter as I release Emory. “She’s running on the horse.”
Emory laughs as she watches her daughter. “That’s called a trot. And see the way she’s moving up and down… that’s called posting.”
“Damn,” I drawl in admiration. “She’s really good.”
“For seven years old, yes,” Emory says with pride. “I really need to get her back into lessons.”
We watch as she trots by, but she doesn’t look at us. She’s concentrating and Emory calls out softly, “You’re doing great, honey.”
When she’s out of earshot, Emory nudges me with her shoulder. “I do want your advice on something. Shane is getting tired of having to come to my house for supervised visits. He wants to be able to take her to dinner, and there’s a daddy/daughter dance at her school coming up that he wants to take her to. Do you think I should give him that leeway?”
“Do you think he’s solid in his sobriety?” I ask as we both watch Felicity while we talk.
“Based on past experience… yes. He’s solid right now. But I also know that never lasted.”
“Had he ever been high around her where he was driving?”
Emory sighs. “Not that I know of. His drug usage was always done away from us for the most part until I’d somehow catch a slipup. He swears he’s never done drugs around Felicity, but who knows. I don’t even want to think about the possibility he had her in the car while stoned.”
I ponder this and I’m not sure there’s a good answer. “You could let him take her but insist on an Uber.”
Emory winces. “I can, but Felicity would want to know why. I’m trying to make this normal for her.”
I angle my body her way and she gives me her attention. “You know the signs… if he’s on drugs, right?”
She nods firmly. “Know them well.”
I glance back at Felicity, then to Emory. “I don’t know if this is the right thing, but maybe you should let him take her. And you can judge his stability when he shows up.”
Emory tips her head slightly left, then right, pondering my suggestion. “That could probably work.”
“When is the dance?” I ask.
“Day after tomorrow.”
“We could stalk them,” I suggest with an evil laugh. I don’t have a game that night, and while the better idea would be to just hang with Emory at her house while Shane took Felicity to the dance, I’m up for doing anything to make her feel better about this.
Emory laughs and turns away from me. “I’ll think about that offer too.”
The subject of Shane is dropped. We watch Felicity in the ring and she rides for about half an hour before Nora draws her in. She lets Felicity get off all on her own, the little girl swinging one leg over then sliding down to drop to the ground.
She has Felicity take the reins just under the horse’s chin and start walking our way, side by side.
When they reach the gate, Nora says, “I’m going to have Felicity help me put Charlie back in his stall and feed him. We’ll be back in a bit.”
I think that’s code for “this is my chance to talk to her about Shane if she wants to” and Emory gives her an appreciative smile.
CHAPTER 21
Jett
I should feel ridiculous. Just this side of two months ago, I was a single guy, loving the single life with the singular intention of staying single forever.
Single, single, single.
Now I’ve driven twenty-five minutes out of my way to the arena just to see Emory for no reason at all other than I want to see her. I know I’m going to be catching her just before she leaves for work, which is ironic since we both work at the arena and I could have far more easily popped in to see her there, but then the gesture wouldn’t have been as dramatic.