I can’t walk away from this.
“If I’m not there for the deal, then it doesn’t go ahead, and we know what happens then. I’m my own collateral this time,” Sean explains. “You kill me now, then y’ll never know who’s huntin’ youse, and yer Russian will kill ya for backing out of a deal.”
Alek and I shook hands. That means something in my world. I could walk away and give Alek everything, but what do I have to offer him? He wants the shipment as that is what will cement his power in a foreign country. And Sean is right. If I kill him, then I’ll never know who the enemy is.
I make no mistake that Alek and I are friends. I would do the same if I were him and someone promised me something. This is business, his livelihood to feed his family. You don’t fuck with a man’s family.
“Yer anger just came back to bite you…again because it gave me an opportunity to strike. Y’ll never learn, son.”
Tipping my face to the heavens, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I can’t believe this arsehole isn’t dead yet. For someone who has no friends, he sure as shit can manipulate many into doing his bidding. It makes me wonder just who this person is.
They hate me enough to do business with Sean. Whoever they are, I know I need to be careful.
“Why could ya not tell me this over the phone? Why come here?” I ask, finally looking at him.
But when I do, I see the reason. It’s the reason he was reading over journals written a lifetime ago.
“You know yer goin’ to lose, don’t you? Yer here ’cause it’s the only place ye feel close to her. Ye killed her, yet you really did love her. And in yer own fucked-up way, you love me…that’s why I’m not dead yet.”
And deep down, as much as I hate myself for it…that’s the reason he’s not dead either.
“This is yer way of makin’ amends for the wrongs of yer past, is it? You knew how badly I wanted to know who she was…that’s why we’re here. Yer doin’ this as some sort of peace offering?”
I want him to prove me wrong. I need him to be the monster I know he is because killing him will be so much easier. But showing me humanity…I can’t deal with that.
“I’ve always wanted to rule with you, Puck. I’ve never made that a secret.”
“You shut yer fucking mouth,” I spit, unable to listen to this.
“But ye’d rather give it all away to a stranger because you hate me that much. I’ve done wrong, I know that, but I’ve also done some good.”
“Good?” I scoff, shaking my head in disgust. “Are ye jokin’ me? You were usin’ my son for yer own personal gain!”
Sean removes the bloody handkerchief from his nose, allowing me to see the surprise on his face. “I was lookin’ after my grandson,” he amends, and I hate that I can’t determine if he’s lying or not. “Aoife had nothin’. I wouldn’t let them starve.”
“Bullshit! He was just another pawn for ye to use. You only know how to play dirty.”
But he simply shrugs, refusing to argue and refusing to fight. “Aye, fair play, but have ye forgotten who saved ye from Connor’s fists? I fucked up, so I did, but I never forced anyone to do anythin’ they didn’t want to.
“Rory, Ethan, the men, they all made their choices. The Doyles made theirs. Every single person involved in this made a choice…as did yer ma. She chose to betray me when she promised never to. She knew the consequences involved. What would you do?
“She was takin’ my son and goin’ to destroy everythin’ I worked so hard for. She used me to escape an unhappy marriage as I always knew, if given the choice…she would never choose me.”
“She’s not here to defend herself,” I snarl, anger vibrating through me.
“But her family are here,” Sean counters, revealing the true reason we’re here. “You wouldn’t believe me, but y’ll believe them. I need ye to see who yer ma really was. She was all the things they said—stubborn, independent, and smart.
“She wasn’t the angel you believe her to be. I never forced her or tricked her. She knew what she was doin’, and she didn’t care. She fucked her husband’s brother because Cara did what she wanted. Y’ve heard it firsthand from her family.
“She wanted to get rid of ya. She knew Connor would find out the truth. But no matter her faults, I loved her as best I could.”
This isn’t the first time he’s told me this. It’s the only story he’s stuck to this entire time. So is the claim that we are stronger ruling together. I’m the one who would rather cut out my heart than rule alongside my father.
Babydoll’s calming voice in my ear is the voice of reason I need. “He’s just playing mind games with you. Don’t let him win.”
He knows he can’t win, so this is another angle he’s playing. But he’s right—my ma didn’t do anything she didn’t want to. At one time, she wanted to be with Sean, knowing what it would do to Connor. I always thought of her as the victim, but I see now, coming here and talking to the people who knew her best that Cara was never a victim.
She didn’t deserve the fate which was delivered to her, but the choice she made came with consequences—ones which she knew about, yet she still acted.
She is fading, and all I hold onto now are memories that I want to believe are true. But the truth is, I don’t know what to believe anymore. I wish I could remember more…but I can’t. All I have to go on are the retellings, second-hand memories from people who Cara once knew.
“All right then, we will do this,” I state, eyeing Sean. “But know, you won’t leave with yer life intact. I’m keepin’ you alive because I need you this time. Once this is done and I deliver what was promised, I will kill you.”
Sean smirks but nods.
“How can I trust you? How do I know this isn’t one of your tricks?”
“Y’ve got an army to fight with you now, Puck. I don’t stand a chance.” Without Shane Moore on his side, Sean knows he has nowhere to hide. He’s running out of friends awful fast, which is why he made a deal with whoever Liam was in cahoots with.
“Then why would ya agree to help me? Why not fight with whoever else I’m up against?”
Sean shrugs. “I fight for myself.”
That’s a load of shite. This other person is someone Sean clearly needs help overthrowing. They are also someone he doesn’t trust. If he did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation as I’d be dead. He made a deal with them because they trust him.
He no doubt sweet-talked them, and they now believe he’s on their side. But the only side Sean is on is his own. He is making a deal with both of us because come the day of reckoning, whichever side wins, Sean will hope they show him mercy.
He has sorely misjudged me and my hatred toward him.
“You will not say a word to my mum’s family about who you really are.” I don’t want to embarrass or tarnish my mum’s memory with the truth. They’ve suffered enough.
Babydoll hasn’t said a word, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have anything to say.
Sean makes a beeline for the door, but I reach out and grip his arm. “Where do you think yer goin’?”