My words rouse the crowd, and the static is almost electrifying. But that’s soon to change.
“Once I avenge them, however…I’m out. This started the day my mum was slain. It ends the moment I kill her murderer.”
“What are ye sayin’, Puck?” Rogan Shea asks, eyes wide.
“I don’t want this life. I never did. I can’t do what Connor did…I don’t want to. Which is why I made a deal with someone who does. I trust this man. His name is Aleksei Popov. Lord knows I should not trust him. But he is the ruler you want. Him, and Ethan—a true Kelly.”
Ethan stands proudly beside me, but Cian is about to rip out my spleen.
I didn’t tell him about Sean as I wanted to avoid this. I knew he’d act on impulse to kill him, and he’s no use to me dead. I will deal with Cian later, however, because now, I have to face a factory full of angry Irish and Englishmen.
“Naw, we will not serve another!”
“This kingdom is yers!”
“A shift in power is the end of us all.”
“You cannot trust Sean Kelly! This is a trap.”
These are just a few grievances I hear because, at once, they all form into one big monotonous hum. The men argue and shout amongst themselves, infuriated at me and others.
I allow them to vent as I knew this decision would cause a riot, but this isn’t a debate—this decision is done.
“Enough,” I say calmly, but the men don’t hear me. They’ve heard enough.
Usually, I would resort to violence, but I won’t rule with fear. They respect me, and I wish for that to never change.
So I stand back, allowing them to squabble like aul’ dolls.
The passion and loyalty they’ve shown Connor and me are why they’re so upset. It’s why they never accepted Sean or Brody Doyle. The throne was always mine…but I don’t want it.
Patting Ethan on the back, I hand him the reins and make my way through the crowd because I was never one for goodbyes. I’ve done what I came here for—to tell the men of our last hurrah. The strident noise soon dims as the men watch me leave.
“Puck,” Ollie says, gripping my forearm gently. “Don’tcha do this. Y’ve given us hope. Don’t take it away. These men had nothin’. Y’ve given them somethin’ to fight for.”
“I appreciate that, Ollie, but I only have one fight left in me.” I slap him on the shoulder and smile sadly.
He knows better than to argue with a Kelly.
I leave the men in the very capable hands of Aleksei Popov and Ethan. What they choose to do is their choice. Whether they stay or go will be up to them. But at least they have a choice.
As it was my choice to keep the truth from Cian, who stands by my truck, smoking a joint. I didn’t even notice him leave.
I hate this friction between us. Fighting with him is just wrong.
“How could you not tell me?”
With a sigh, I stand near Cian and steal the joint from his fingers. “What would that achieve? We’re almost at the end of this.”
“He killed Amber!” he cries, pain and anger fueling his words. “And yer protectin’ him? Tell me why we aren’t over there now, torturing the shite out of him?”
“I need him.”
“For fuck’s sake, Punky! Have ye not learned anythin’? This cunt keeps fucking us over. This is another setup. Why can’t you see that? If this were Cami—”
“I’m sorry, Cian. I really am,” I say, blowing out a plume of smoke. “But if he dies…then all of this, every single death…it would have been for nothin’. I kill him now, and then there’s some other fucker who I’ll have to kill.
“And then when I kill him, someone else. It won’t fucking end! We need one ruler, and that’s not me.”
“You selfish arsehole,” he snarls. “This isn’t just about you. You get to live yer happily ever after, but what about everyone else? We’re expected to pick up the pieces, is that it? Sometimes, we have to sacrifice our happiness for what’s right.”
“And losin’ ten years of my life wasn’t enough?” I pose, tossing the joint onto the ground. “What more do youse want?”
“I want my best friend back,” he replies, looking at me like nothing but a stranger. “The man who stood out in a crowd…not blended in. Go live yer happy life then. Turn yer back on the men who have sacrificed so much for you. For our fathers. I don’t know who you are anymore.”
He walks to his car, leaving me with an injury I never saw coming. I knew he wouldn’t like my decision, but I thought he’d accept it, but it seems I was wrong. By gaining my freedom, I’ll lose my best friend.
I’ll lose the man I once was.
Jumping into my truck, I send Babydoll a message, making sure she and Shay are all right. She replies a moment later that they’re fine.
I should get back, but I suddenly feel like I can’t breathe. I need to drive.
Cian’s words have pissed me off, and that’s because a part of me agrees with him. Men have sacrificed their lives for me, and in a sense, it does look like I’m turning my back on them. But this life, it isn’t one I would have ever chosen. For myself. For Cami. Or for Shay.
I know this decision is the sensible one to make. So why does it feel like a hole has been punched straight through my chest?
There is only one place that’s calling my name, and it’s the place where no one judges, and that’s because the dead can’t talk.
I park my truck and make my way through the cemetery.
The last time I was here, Ethan tried to kill me. How things have changed. Today, he stood tall, a true Kelly. Connor would be proud of him. I know I am.
Dropping to a squat, I look at Connor’s grave, realizing I’ve come to see him willingly more often dead than when he was alive. I wish I could change that.
“Hello, aul’ lad,” I say aloud. “I’m sorry to be disturbin’ ye, but I don’t have anyone else to talk to. I’ve made a choice, one which has me wonderin’ if maybe you wished ye could have made the same. But it was too late for you.
“Is that why ye let yer men stray? Had ye had enough? I fucking hated you. But now that I am you, I understand why you acted the way ye did. I have a son now, and I hate that our circumstances are the same.
“He too lost his mum. But I will do everythin’ in my power to make sure he doesn’t go down the road I did. I know you tried yer best. I know deep down, ye knew I wasn’t yer son. Ye could have turned yer back on me, but ye didn’t.
“Ye loved me as best you could. This world…it fucking takes and doesn’t give back. I won’t have that for my son. For the love of my life. I want them to be as far away from that as possible. And I thought that was what I wanted. But now…I don’t know what I want.
“Sean has got into my head. Sayin’ things about Mum. I don’t know what to believe. What would you do? If you were given the choice, would you have left? Or wouldn’t you change a thing? You died savin’ me. Savin’ yer kingdom.
“And I’m givin’ it away. I’m torn between what’s right and what I want. I want a future for Cami and Shay away from this. But will it be enough?