This pissed him off because there was nothing he could do.
“She’s still not opening.”
He turned to see Larissa, a sweet librarian, standing a couple of feet from him. She was the priest’s daughter.
“Has she been in town?”
Larissa shook her head. “No. I’ve seen her at the grocery store. That’s about it.”
Smokey nodded his head. “Tell your dad I said hi.”
She smiled. “He told me to tell you that if you ever feel the need to talk, he’s always open.”
Smokey nodded. He liked Larissa’s father. Jonah Adams. They had learned to accept each other within this small town.
“Do you need a ride home?”
Larissa shook her head. “I like to walk. Good night, Smokey.”
He offered good night and then kept an eye on her until she made it home. There were some people who needed protection. Larissa was a sweet woman. She was only eighteen years old, but damn it, the world was too cruel for her. She trusted everyone and people took advantage of that. He knew her father had to even be cautious with new people coming along.
With Larissa back home, he went to the only other place he wanted to go. Ava’s.
Parking his bike, he stared up at her house.
The curtain twitched and he smiled, offering up a wave for her to see. She closed the curtain, and seconds later, she came out, wrapping a robe around her.
“Smokey, what are you doing here?”
It was the first time in a week since he’d seen her, and his heart pounded at the sight of her. He did notice the paleness of her complexion. She looked like she’d been sick.
After climbing off his bike, he made his way toward her. Ava stopped, and realizing he was scaring her, he paused and cursed. “Shit, I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to come here anymore.”
“Have you been sick?” he asked.
Ava frowned. “A little. Not a lot. I’m going to go and see a doctor. Not that it’s any of your concern. You look … you’re tired, Smokey. Abriana said you were on a run or whatever it’s called. Go home. Get some rest.”
“I miss you,” he said. “I don’t like that you’re sick.”
“I’m not sick. It’s, it’s kind of hard to explain. I feel fine most days. It’s just the mornings. I’m thinking I’m developing some allergies to some foods.” She shook her head. “But that’s not the point. You can’t keep doing this. You think I don’t notice that you’re always hanging out here? It’s not right.”
“Why is it not right?” he asked.
“Because we’re not together anymore.” Her hand was still bandaged up.
“When will that be completely healed?” he asked.
“You’re not listening to me.”
“I’m listening. I’m just not liking what you say.” He shrugged.
“You need to move on. I know there are plenty of women at the club who would be more than happy to have you around.”
“None of them are you.”
“This is hopeless, Smokey.” She had tears in her eyes. “Damn it. I hate crying all the time.”
“I fucked up, Ava, and I miss you so much.”
She shook her head. “I wish it was that simple.”
“Forgive me, please.”
She stared down at the floor. “‘You were only ever a decent fuck and you weren’t any good at that. You were easy, but I’ve had better.’” She looked up and tilted her head to the side. “That’s what you said to me. Do you remember it?”
“I was fucked in the head, Ava. I swear it was all lies.”
“But you said it, Smokey. Lies or not, you thought it.” She pressed her lips together. “I told you that I loved you. I even accepted there was no way you could love me back. I knew that. I still know that and it hurts. Everything you said hurt so much.”
Smokey witnessed the pain in her eyes and wished there was something he could do to make it right. What he’d done and said was all crap. All of it.
“Ava, I’m so sorry.”
“They’re words, Smokey. The people in town being nice to me. How welcoming they all suddenly are. Do you have any idea how much I’ve longed for that?”
He’d done something right.
“But it’s not real. You’ve asked or threatened them, and it’s not fair. None of this is fair.” She swiped at the tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry, but I can’t just forgive and forget. I was loyal to you, and you’d rather believe a bunch of pictures than question me. I didn’t even get a fair trial in your eyes.”
“I fucked up, Ava. I know this.”
“And what about next time? Say I accept that you’re sorry. We move on. We go back to fucking each other again. I can be around the club. What happens the next time someone uses me to make you lose your shit? What do I do then? Go through this or should I wait until Ugly Beast or another of the club thinks I’m innocent?” she asked. “I can’t live like that.”
“It won’t ever happen again.”
“That’s the point, Smokey. Again. It shouldn’t have happened the first time. Please, go home and leave me the hell alone.” She turned on her heel and walked inside the house, closing the door.
He heard the locks as she put them all into place.
Smokey didn’t go home.
He stayed right where he was, staring up at her house. The light in her bedroom window went out after a couple of hours.
Smokey tensed up when he heard the sounds of another bike making its way toward him. He reached into his jacket for his gun, but recognized the rider and the bike as it drew closer.
Ugly Beast parked his bike and came toward him, offering him a flask. “I can’t guarantee it’s good, but Abriana put a lot of love into it.”
“There’s no way we can complain when it comes to feeling. Your wife has a whole lot of it.”
They both laughed as he opened the flask.
“Soup?”
“I think so. It didn’t taste too bad, but that was when I ate it a few hours ago.”
Smokey poured some soup into the cup provided. It didn’t smell awful but when it came to Abriana’s food, scents and looks could be deceiving. It didn’t make his mouth water. He took a taste, and there was a weird twang in the background that he was almost afraid to ask about.
“I think it’s easier if you just drink it without trying to compare it to anything else you’ve ever tasted.”
He laughed and took another sip.
“Abriana’s rooting for you,” Ugly Beast said.
“Why?”
“She wants you to win her back. She thinks you have a real shot.”
Smokey snorted. “I can’t even get too close.” The last real time he’d touched her was at the fair, and that hadn’t been a lot of touching. He missed her. Not just for the sex, he missed her, the woman.
“Do you have any kind of plan?” Ugly Beast asked.
“Did you?”
“Nope. I just wanted to love her, and she gave me that chance. There’s nothing else any of us can do after that. Abriana’s not like Ava, though. I did hurt her quite badly.”