I hear his engine start, and by the noise coming through the line, it sounds like he threw his AirPods down on the seat next to him, so I wait for the line to connect to his car.
After a few beats, I say, “Just be calm, okay? Don’t get in an accident, trying to get there too fast.”
He doesn’t respond.
“Sebastian?”
“I’m here. Sorry. My mind is going in a million different directions.”
“No reason to be sorry. Call me when you figure out what’s going on.”
“I will.”
There’s another pause as we both sit in silence—me thinking how our entire world is about to change and him, I’m sure, driving like a wild man through the streets of Philadelphia.
I consider just hanging up, but before I do, I say, “Hey, Sebastian?”
“Yeah?” His voice is even more distraught than before.
“You’re about to be a dad. Don’t forget that. Don’t let your worry ruin it. Take a deep breath and enjoy it. I love you.”
He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, but when he does, I hear the cracking in his voice. “Love you too. I’ll call you soon.”
He ends the call, and I plop down in my chair with so many thoughts and emotions running through me. I don’t know whether to laugh, cry, jump for joy, or scream at the top of my lungs.
I know the waiting is going to kill me. I’ve tried to prepare myself for this moment, but now that it’s here, my chest is tight, and my palms are clammy.
Sebastian’s about to be a dad, and I’m sitting here, in a dump of an office, with a ton of work to do but not wanting to move a muscle, for fear that if I do, my fantasy, the life I’ve been living, will be over.
We discussed me going to the hospital, but I didn’t think it was right. When I shared my concerns, Sebastian agreed all too easily, which showed me he had my same thoughts. At the time, it stung a little, but I needed to remember that this was not about me. This was about his son being born, and whether he and I work out in the end, the memory of his birth needed to be about just him and the baby’s mother.
So, now, I wait, dying to know what’s going on but having no way of finding out until he calls me.
One thing’s for sure: Sebastian had plenty of time to get to the hospital. It’s been two hours and nothing. When Shawn arrived at work, he basically kicked me out of my own kitchen because I was a nervous wreck and he was afraid I was going to screw up the recipes and ruin entire batches.
He was probably right.
I went next door to the gym and got on the treadmill, hoping to run out my anxiety. I learned that it doesn’t matter how much adrenaline you have running through you, if you don’t normally exercise, that shit catches up to you real quick.
Not being able to breathe and having these crazy emotions running through me was not a good combination. I was afraid to shower because there wasn’t a safe place to keep my phone in the gym’s shower without risking it getting soaked, so now, I’m sitting here, a stinky, sweaty mess, scrolling through my emails that I have no intentions of actually answering, for fear I’ll screw something up there too.
I let out a huff, and when my phone rings, I swear I jump out of my chair, making my heart pound out of control as I swipe through Sebastian’s handsome face.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, sounding more like him two hours ago than I should.
“It’s more than okay. Amy, I have a son. A beautiful, perfect little boy who weighs five pounds, seven ounces.”
A weight that was crushing my chest is lifted, and I let out a gasp of relief. I cover my mouth as tears fall freely.
“You have to see him. He’s …” His voice cracks. “He’s so tiny, but the doctors say he’s healthy and that there shouldn’t be any repercussions from him coming early.”
“Oh, Sebastian. That’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you.”
I really am. I had no idea how this moment would feel, but right now, that’s all that’s flowing through me—absolute joy for the man I love, who’s thrilled out of his mind that his baby boy was just born.
“I’m going to text you some pictures. Then, I’m going to hang out for a while, but I’ll see you later tonight. At my place? Don’t wait on me for dinner. Go ahead and grab what you want. I’m sure I’ll eat here.”
“Yeah. Of course. You hang out there, and don’t worry about me. I’ll be there when you get home.”
My phone vibrates in my hand, and I pull it down to see a text message from Sebastian. When I swipe it open, my eyes take in the handsomest man I’ve ever met with the biggest, cheesiest grin covering his face as he holds a baby boy in his hands.
“Sebastian,” I say in disbelief as I bring the phone back to my ear. “Oh my God,” is all I can get out as more tears flow down my face.
Two more pictures come through. One of just Oliver—the name they chose, after Sebastian’s father—and one of a tiny black-inked footprint on the inside of Sebastian’s forearm. Both photos fill me with joy for the man I love.
Sebastian’s a father …
His life from here on out will forever be changed.
Around eleven at night, I hear the lock turn and the door open. Instantly, I sit up from where I was lying on the couch and tuck my legs underneath me as Sebastian heads my direction.
“Hey, sweetie. Were you asleep?” He gives me a soft kiss before he plops down beside me, grabbing my feet and pulling them to cover his lap.
I lift the remote and put the TV on mute. “No, I was waiting for you. Tell me all about baby Oli.”
His head drops back against the couch as a huge grin covers his face. When he lifts his head and faces me, I see the tears filling his eyes that he blinks away.
“He’s amazing. Everything about him. His little toes are the tiniest things I’ve ever seen. I just wanted to hold them in my hands while he slept. Lauren held him for a while to breast-feed. He had trouble since he’s so small, so we got a lactation specialist. Then, he had his hearing test and some other tests. When I finally got him, I just didn’t want to let go. That’s why I stayed so late. I didn’t want to leave him.”
“I’m sure you could have stayed. Don’t most dads stay?”
He sighs. “Yeah, but Lauren’s mom was there, and I could tell it was time for me to go.”
I nod slightly, feeling the awkwardness of that situation radiate off of him. “So, you’ll go back tomorrow? How long will they stay in the hospital?”
“If everything checks out, they’ll go home the day after tomorrow.”
I watch as he pauses and starts to chew on the inside of his lip. Something I’ve never seen him do.
I lower my head to catch his attention. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” He rubs my leg absentmindedly. “It’s just crazy, you know? I’m a dad, but it feels so weird, being here. And when he goes home, it will be there.” He sighs. “I guess I didn’t really take in how weird that would be.”
I sit up, so I’m closer to him. “It seems like you and Lauren got it all figured out though. She said you can come there, right?”