What if it’s true and we find out ten years from now that Oliver’s not his? That would be a million times worse than finding out now, when he’s a baby. Right?
I drop back in my chair and stare at the ceiling, hoping the building opens up and the answer falls down from the sky and slaps me across the face.
My phone dings with a text message.
Lauryn wants to get some rest, so I get to bring Oliver home! Are you at my place?
I stare at her name. I’m a huge believer of signs being everywhere, and the fact that he writes her name for the first time in all these months, right after I found out everything I did, is a huge sign.
I just wish I hadn’t seen this particular sign.
I take a deep breath and respond.
I’m still at work, but I’ll be there soon.
I turn off my phone, so I don’t see his response. I don’t want to be tempted to say anything. I haven’t made up my mind yet if I should, so I take away all possibilities of making the wrong choice before I’ve thought it out.
The chocolate bar is still sitting here, waiting to be wrapped. I take my time with it before making my way to Sebastian’s house.
When I arrive, he must hear me approaching because he swings the door open, looking like a little boy who’s waiting for Santa to come with a new bike.
“I just put him in his crib.” He blinks away tears.
It’s the sweetest moment I’ve ever witnessed, and it’s as simple as putting his child to bed.
He grabs my hand and rushes me to Oliver’s room, which he’s made to look like a catalog nursery with no expense spared.
As I glance over the wall of the crib, I see the tiniest baby boy with a sleeper on that is just a little too big for his preemie size.
My foot kicks the end of the crib on accident, and Oliver jumps slightly, bringing his hands up to his face before slowly dropping them back down to the bed in a soft slumber.
Sebastian grabs my hand that’s resting on the side of the crib and holds it tightly. I wrap my arm around his waist and lean into his chest. When he kisses the top of my head, I feel the love he has for me and the love he has for his son in spades.
My stomach hurts from the thoughts of today, but my heart soars to see this man, who I love so deeply with all my soul, so happy to have his son asleep in his home for the first time.
I still have no idea what I should do, but I know this is a moment I don’t want to ruin for him, so I tilt my head up to see him face-to-face.
He leans down to kiss my lips. The gesture is so genuine, but all it does is truly tear me up inside.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Oliver only stayed until bedtime last night before Sebastian brought him back to Lauryn’s house, so she could feed him. When Sebastian arrived back home, I questioned telling him about Shawn, but he was exhausted, so he crashed right away. Today, he was up early, catching up on work stuff before heading back to see the baby, so I decided to head down to the office even though it’s Saturday. I don’t have much going on but figured I would play with some new recipe ideas.
When I enter the office, I notice the alarm doesn’t sound off from my entry, and when I check to see why, I jump at the sight of Shawn sitting at the long counter in the dark.
I grab my chest, hoping the weight of my hands might possibly keep my heart from jumping out of my body. “What are you doing here, sitting in the dark?” I ask as I try to calm my breathing and turn on the lights.
“I didn’t know where else to go,” he responds in a tone I’ve never heard from him.
His head is down, either too heavy to lift or the lights are too much for his eyes. I turn off half the lights. His head stays put.
I set my purse on the counter and then walk over to him, placing my hand on his shoulder. “What’s going on?”
He tilts his head my way. I see just how horrible he looks—bloodshot eyes with dark circles underneath them—and it freaks me out. My easygoing employee looks like he’s been through hell.
“Shawn, what happened?” I ask, my voice laced with concern.
“I went through the calendar some more and matched the dates with when I was hooking up with Lauryn.”
My heart, which I thought was going to jump out of my chest earlier, now feels like it just stopped beating.
When I don’t say anything, he lets out an audible sigh. “Yeah, my thoughts exactly.”
“Do you honestly think Oliver is your son?” I ask barely above a whisper.
He nods his head vehemently, and that’s when I smell the alcohol on his breath.
“Are you drunk?”
He lifts a bottle of Jameson from between his legs. “Bottoms up!”
I lean back and take a breath, not sure how I feel about this situation. On one hand, I walked in on my employee when he shouldn’t have been here, and to make it worse, he’s drunk. Yet at the same time, I feel sorry for him, and I guess I’m thankful that he felt this was a safe place for him to come and work through his problems.
I pull out a stool and sit next to him. “Tell me about the time frame.”
I grab the bottle from him since he’s had enough. Thankfully, he doesn’t fight me.
He crosses his arms over the counter and lays his head down. “We met at the lodge at Camelback Mountain. It was the afternoon, and everyone got lit at the bar. She and I got to talking and never made it out to the slopes for the second ski run of the day. Instead, we went back to my hotel, where they had this awesome—”
“Martini-shaped hot tub. You mentioned it.”
“She thought it was hysterical, and it’s probably the only reason she went home with me. I was pissed when she said she was going back to the city to see her boyfriend. You know me—I do not get involved with girls in a relationship. Shit always goes south. I remember the boyfriend was a lawyer. Funny how you forget details until the moment you need them, and they suddenly come flooding back.”
“I’m guessing your fling was around thirty-six weeks ago now.”
He nods, and I close my eyes, wishing this weren’t happening.
“What are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing,” he mumbles.
I wrap my fingers around his elbow and give him a tug, so he sits up and faces me. “You can’t do nothing.”
He grits his teeth and stares up at the ceiling. “I know. That’s why I’m here. Drunk. I came here because I wanted to blame this place. If I didn’t work here, I’d have had no clue this baby was even born.”
“But you do know. So, now, you have to face it.”
He snaps his face toward me. “I will not be a father to this kid.”
I blink, shocked at his demeanor and praying it’s more the alcohol talking rather than the real Shawn because this is definitely a side of him I’ve never seen.
“If it’s yours, then you won’t have a choice.”
I jump back when he slams his fist on the counter. “I’m not ready to be a parent. I don’t want this.”
All I can think about is the difference between Shawn and Sebastian. Here’s Shawn, acting like a fool over the thought of Oliver possibly being his, while Sebastian has embraced it with so much love and excitement that I don’t know if he’ll ever recover if he finds out the baby is not his.