Me: I’ll bet. Night, guys.
Link: Night.
As we all signed off, melancholy swirled inside me.
My family was under this roof.
My family was also in West Orange.
Torn in two directions, I knew there was only one place to go—the refrigerator.
I pulled out the pie Keira had bought with takeout, and I cut myself a huge slice. As I sank back onto the stool again, I heard footsteps padding down the hall, and braced myself for whomever was incoming as I took a massive bite of strawberry lattice pie—Keira’s favorite.
When the under-cupboard lighting flared into being, I squinted a little.
"Couldn’t sleep?" Keira questioned.
"Cyan woke me up a few times."
Her brow furrowed. "Is she sick?"
I shook my head. "Just..." I blew out a breath when I really thought about what had woken my kid up. "She’s hurting." A sorrowful cast overtook her features. Instead of letting it fester, I murmured, "Want some dessert?"
"Yeah. I really do." She stepped over to me, sat on the stool at my side. I handed her my fork, she didn’t even question it—just took it, cut off some pie, raised it to her mouth then ate it. Before she passed it back to me.
When she took a sip of my milk as well, a warm feeling overwhelmed me. A sense of rightness.
We belonged together.
"Can I tell you something?" I asked after a couple minutes of silence.
"Sure," she said with a shrug.
"It’s about what we were discussing earlier."
"Figured it wasn’t about the weather."
I snorted. "Sassy."
"It’s five AM, Storm. What else can I be?"
"It’s not... nice. To hear, I mean."
"If it’s honest, then I’m good with it."
"You say that now..."
As my words waned, she turned to me as she snatched my fork and dug into the pie. "Storm, right now, I think you’re a cheating piece of shit. I also think you’re insane.
"You’ve got a biker following me, and according to you, you’ve had a biker following me since I was eighteen years old." Her jaw clenched. "I’m still not over that by the way.
"You tattooed your dick then had it pierced and both your cock and the padlock say, ‘Property of Keira.’ I know you’re a drug addict, I know you were born addicted to crack. Have I said anything there that sounds in anyway good?"
"No," I choked out, pissed that Rach had even shared that sordid truth with her—that I was a crack baby.
Goddammit to hell.
"No," she confirmed gruffly. "And yet, here you sit. In my kitchen. You put my kid to bed. You’re staying here for the next however long. When MaryCat sorts herself out and Digger gets his ass down here and they figure things out, into my spare bedroom you’ll go... I know a lot of stuff about you, most of it bad, but I haven’t tossed you out on your ass."
"Because of Cyan."
"Because of Cyan," she confirmed. "But she’s my daughter, Storm. I’d kill for her. I’d fucking die for her. Do you think I’d place her with someone I don’t trust to love her back? To keep her safe? Especially after what she’s been through?"
"No." My throat grew thick with emotions again. "I do love her, Keira."
"I know you do." She snatched the fork back when I didn’t make a move to take another bite. "You got a biker watching her as well?"
"Yes."
She sighed. "I wish I weren’t relieved about that."
"When she went into school, I was going to do something then. Bribe a janitor or something, but I didn’t go through with it. I regret that now. I regret not having someone tail her."
"Must cost you a fortune in bribes."
"It does."
"You don’t care?"
"I don’t give a fuck if it bankrupts me."
"From the size of this house, I’d say you’re far away from bankruptcy."
"I am." I cleared my throat. "You are as well."
"Good to know."
"Told you, when you’re ready for school, I’ll cover it. No matter the cost."
She disregarded my words with a hum. "You going to tell me, or what?"
All night long, her words had been churning in my head. As had reprimands Bear had given me along the way. They’d tangled together, forming knots that made it hard to close my eyes because I was pretty sure those knots were in my optic nerves.
The question really was... how deep down the rabbit hole did I go?
"I didn’t cheat on you intentionally."
Though she tensed up at first, her tone wasn’t bitter, just cold as she stated, "Just fell in her pussy, did you?"
It was weird hearing Keira swear. Until we’d split up, I’d never heard her say anything worse than ‘gosh darn’ when she cut herself while chopping fucking tomatoes.
"You want to hear this or not? I’m not asking for forgiveness, just telling you facts."
"Nothing is fact. It’s all about perspective."
"Yeah, and in your mind, I got off on cheating on you. I didn’t."
"Sure as hell did it enough."
My mouth tightened. "Do you want me to tell you this or not? I won’t ask again, and if you say no, then I won’t share shit with you."
She glowered at me, but though the nod she gave me was tight, she dipped her chin in assent.
"You know I struggle to get to sleep most nights. I’m wired and I can’t calm down. When I was younger, like twelve? I realized pot helped." I reached for the milk, took a deep sip. "I started using it when shit was bad, when I really couldn’t switch off.
"I don’t know if it’s to do with what I went through as a baby, but they say if you’re born addicted to drugs, it fucks with you long term.
"It makes sense, I guess. All those chemicals in your system when you’re in the womb... why wouldn’t it mess with your development? Scarlet was just as bad, but she used alcohol to numb it.
"I started using more and more pot to the point where, eventually, I couldn’t fucking function without it. There was this brother, he was VP for a while." I rubbed my thumb along my bottom lip. "Prince was hooked on meth. He used to get me the shit I needed to sleep. One day, he slipped me some of his stuff, and for the first time in years, I felt awake. It was surreal." I closed my eyes. "I know that sounds crazy, but I felt alive."
"And that’s how you got addicted?" she asked, her tone wooden.
"Yeah."
"I think I knew about the pot, to be fair, but I just didn’t realize how habitually you were using it. What made you take meth the first time?"
"Scarlet."
A growl escaped her. "Should have known."
I licked my lips. "She’s dead, Keira. Been dead for years."
"Rachel told me that too." Her tone wasn’t exactly warm, but she reached over and covered my hand with hers. "She was a bitch."
I nodded. "She was."
"You never did think the sun rose and set on her, did you?"