“If it’s what he wants… I’ll do it,” I finally manage to say.
Dad’s forehead furrows, his lips tightening into a thin line. “I know that’s asking a lot, Romy.”
Cassie lets out a small sob. She sends Dad a tormented look.
“It’s for him,” I say simply.
“You’ll have to keep studying,” Dad reminds me. “You need to pass your exam to control your full powers.”
I lift my chin and swallow. “I know.”
This makes my decision for me. I have to do this. For Trace.
“I’ll do it too,” Magan says quietly.
“And me,” Felise says, then sighs. “But I’ll miss him.”
“Yeah.” Magan tips her head back.
I manage to choke out the words, “I’ll miss him too.”
25
Trace
“Say what now?”
I stare at Joe. We’re sitting in a dumpy bar not far from the office after work. I was hustling all day at work, and I’ve barely had a chance to take a breath, and now this.
“I believe we can send you back in time.”
“Who’s we?”
“Okay, not me.” He hesitates. “Felise, Magan, and Romy. You were right. I believe they have Triad Energy.”
All the air leaves my body. “Seriously?”
“Yep.”
“Wait, wait. I thought Romy was giving up her powers.”
Joe shakes his head. “She changed her mind.”
Ahhhh. A big breath whooshes out of me, and I sag back in my chair. Thank the Mother Earth for that.
Joe tells me about the trial they did and how Cassie will never have to have her hair colored again.
“I asked them if they would do it, and they all said yes.” He watches my face as he talks.
Romy would send me back in time. I feel like there’s a band tightening around my chest. “I sense a big but coming.”
“There are consequences,” he agrees. He picks up his beer and takes a mouthful. “You’d go back in time. That means you’d be gone from our lives. You’d relive your life over from that day onward. That would likely look completely different than it does now.”
I let that sink in. I think back to being sixteen and what life was like then. I could do it all over. I could have Mom and Dad and Nathan back.
They could have their lives back.
It’s what I’ve always wanted. My heart beats violently in my chest. “Why would they do that for me?”
“Because they love you,” he says simply. “We all love you.”
Hot sensation swells in my chest. They love me.
I mean, I knew that. But they would do that for me… wow. They love me.
Even Romy. She would do that for me.
“I… can’t believe this.”
“You don’t have to decide right away. I know it’s a huge step. Think about it. Romy has to do her exam first, so there’s time.”
“Yeah. For sure.”
He claps a hand on my shoulder. “I better get home. Cassie’s waiting for me.”
I nod. “Have a good time.”
He drops some cash on the table to cover our beers and leaves me sitting alone at the worn wood table. I stare at my beer. Holy shit.
My brain is scrambled eggs right now. This is huge. Incredible.
Romy has Triad Energy. I was right.
I smile. She’s going to be an amazing witch. I’ve fucking loved watching her grow, watching her confidence develop, watching her delight in her power.
If I go back in time, I’ll never know that.
I can’t focus here. I need to go home. Maybe take Cheddar for a walk in the park where I can clear my head.
After greeting an excited doggo, I change into jeans and a hoodie and grab Cheddar’s leash. She does her excited spinoramas at the sight of it. “Yes, we’re going for a walk. Sit. Let me put this on.”
We walk down the street. It’s dark already, the bare tree branches casting shadows from the streetlights. I inhale deep breaths of the cool autumn air carrying the scent of leaves on the damp ground.
Cheddar is cheerfully unaware of my weighty problems, pausing to sniff trees and posts.
I think back to my life at sixteen. I imagine my parents, laughing, loving. I imagine growing up with Nathan, playing in a rock band, discovering our powers together.
Would I work for Dream Homes? I don’t know.
It’s hard to imagine life without that. Without Joe teaching me carpentry skills, igniting my interest in building and renovating. And I know… I don’t just work at Dream Homes to repay Joe for what he did for me. I work there because I love it.
I work there now because I appreciate how important home and family is. I love creating that for other people. If I went back in time, would I have that appreciation? Or would I take those things for granted?
I wouldn’t be around to take care of that bully who pestered Felise or that asshole who broke Magan’s heart in her last year at the Academy.
And I can’t imagine my life without Romy. She’s become such a huge part of it. Part of me.
She’s willing to do this. For me. To make me happy and give me what I’ve always wanted.
I tip my head back and gaze up at the trees above me.
But… is that what I want?
Yes, I want family. And love. And belonging. I want to feel I’m worth loving.
I thought I had to have my family back to have that.
The truth is… I already have all that.
The realization almost sends me to my knees.
I love the Candlers. I belong with them. I’ve never felt I haven’t. And they love me.
I’m the one who thinks I’m not worth loving.
Love for Joe and everyone for doing this for me nearly chokes me, swelling so huge in my chest.
And most of all… love for Romy. I’ve fucked up so bad. I let her think I don’t care about her. I let her end things because I thought it was what was best for me. And yet she’d still do this for me.
Maybe she wants to send me back in time because she hates me so much.
I won’t be one of those girls who hates you. I don’t hate you.
I don’t know how or if I can fix this. But I have to try. I have to at least tell her I’m sorry.
For once in your life, give things a chance.
I keep thinking about what Garrett said the other night. It’s true; I don’t give things a chance with women. I don’t need to dig too deeply to figure out why it is. I’ve always figured I’m not worth loving. I’m responsible for my own family dying; I sure don’t want to be responsible for anyone else’s happiness and letting them down too, possibly in the worst way.
And yet… here I have this woman… Romy. My obsession with her hasn’t faded. If anything, it’s stronger. I want her, all the time. I want to make her happy in every way I possibly can.
Maybe it won’t work out with her, but… maybe it will. Maybe it’ll be the best thing that ever happened to you.
I’m afraid to even think that’s a possibility. Fucking terrified.
But… I have to try. I defended her at the risk of losing my powers, and I’d do it again. She means more to me than keeping my powers. That says it all, right there.