My heart clenches. Is there anything Caelin doesn’t notice about me? Other than the fact I’m completely in love with him.
“Thank you.” I clear my throat. It suddenly feels as if shards of glass are there, making it hard for me to put my feelings into words. “I really do appreciate it.”
“It’s nothing, Jus. There’s not a lot I wouldn’t do to make you smile.”
And that right there is why I know he’s the man for me.
Chapter Four
Caelin
Fuck dude, get it together. My inner voice is admonishing me as my hands shake slightly while I begin setting up the new laptop. I hadn’t expected the kiss. Just like I’ve never expected ones we’ve had. Maybe at this point, I should.
But it’d caught me off-guard. The way Justice always does. When I think I have her figured out, she does something to surprise me. It’s the way it’s always been with her. A groan goes straight to my cock, making it stiffen, and reminding me of how long it’s been since I’ve had a woman.
At some point, I got to feeling like a bastard every time I would go out with another one, knowing Justice was who I really wanted. Which means it’s been almost a year since I’ve had anything other than my left hand.
“This is so good.” She closes her eyes, slightly tilting her head back, giving me an unencumbered look at the column of her throat. She swallows the bite and my pulse speeds up imagining she’s swallowing my cum.
Not helping.
“Yeah, I was lucky Dad asked me to join him this morning.”
“How’s Tyler? I haven’t seen him in a little while.”
“Ornery as ever, and enjoying being a grandpa. What else is there for him to do? Bitching about Mom working so much.”
She makes a noise of agreement. “I saw her last night at CRISIS when I was done teaching my class. She stays way too late.”
I shrug. “It’s what she loves, nothing either of us says to her gets through. She likes to be hands on, and I think that’s why it’s successful. But just as much as I hate you being there at night, I really hate her being there at night. She pays even less attention to what’s around her than you do.”
“Shut up.” She throws her used mustard packet at me. “I do pay attention, I just refuse to live my life in fear anymore.”
“A little bit of fear is good for us, Justice. It gives us a respect for what it can do if we don’t pay attention to it.”
“I can’t imagine you being scared of anything.” She takes a bite of her biscuit.
“I’m scared of a lot of stuff, I just don’t show it.”
She makes a noise. “Oh yeah, name one thing.”
There’s a ribbon of awareness strung between the two of us. The tension’s so tight it could break if we aren’t careful. Letting her in on one of my biggest fears gives her power, but if I want her to be a part of my life, then I have to let my guard down at some point. It’s only fair, and it’s the only way I can prove to her how much she means to me.
“You,” I say the word softly. “Scare the fucking shit out of me.”
Her hands stop in midair as she’s bringing the food up to her mouth. “Me?”
“You.”
Her mouth hangs wide open as she struggles with what to say next.
“You don’t have to say anything, I just thought you should know.”
“Caelin, don’t drop that type of a bomb on me and then say I don’t have to say anything. What about me scares you?”
My hands are busy so that my brain doesn’t have to be. I’m still setting this up for her, putting her favorite wallpaper on the screen, taking all the stuff that was on the cloud and getting it to where she can easily find it.
Sighing heavily, I hit the spacebar harder than needed. Maybe it’s to make a point, perhaps it’s to disrupt her. “Everything.”
There it is. The word hanging out there in the ether, waiting for her to respond. Again her mouth hangs open. This is when her face screws up in anger.
“Very funny, Caelin. This wasn’t a joke.”
“I never took it as one, Justice. You should know me better than that.”
“And you should care about my feelings more than to make some flippant comment when it comes to how you feel about me. You’re a douche.”
I push the laptop out from my line of vision, moving my eyes up to check the clock on the other side of the room. We have ten minutes tops to have this conversation. “I do care about you, that’s why you scare the fuck outta me. You’ve been through more than anyone else I know besides my mother.”
“It doesn’t mean I’m delicate. Look at her.” She crosses her arms over her chest, cheeks pink, eyes firing.
“No it doesn’t, but she’s had a few more years to meld her armor around her body, don’t you think?”
“Are you implying I don’t know what I want?”
“I’m implying that I don’t want either of us to get hurt in the fallout that might happen if you and I give into this current of electricity that keeps flowing between us. There’s sparks. Both of us know it.”
Her posture loosens slightly. “I’ve waited on you to act since my birthday, Caelin. I kissed you. Twice. What more do I have to do, to show you I’m ready?”
“You need to let me talk to your dad.”
“Oh my God, seriously? That’s the nail in the coffin right there. I’m a damn adult.”
“But he’s my president, and I respect him.”
She leans forward, putting her head in her hands. “Why don’t you let me talk to him first? Or you know, we can just keep this between us a little longer.”
“Why are you hesitating now? Why don’t you want either of us to talk to your dad?”
She hesitates.
“C’mon Jus, talk to me. If nothing else, we’ve always been able to talk to each other.”
She sighs, taking a fortifying breath and looks me directly in my eyes.
Shit’s apparently about to get fucking real. “The thing is, if we get his blessing, you can’t run away from me anymore.”
A chuckle escapes. “I haven’t been exactly running from you.”
“You haven’t been running to me either, Blackfoot. I promise to take it easy on you.”
The smile on her face is brilliant, the way it changes the shape of her mouth. She finally looks like a carefree teenager. What I’ve always wanted her to be. “I may not take it easy on you, Walker. If you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of an all or nothing guy.”
“For years I’ve wanted to be the all girl, standing by your side. Not the nothing girl, watching you with all the others. I’ve known you didn’t really care for them, because I know you so well. You think you know me? You have no idea how I’ll worship you.”
Who the fuck is the girl, no woman, sitting in front of me? There are layers to Justice that I’ve never seen. Right here, they’re being peeled away in front of me, exposing the person I’ve always been scared to look at, underneath the exterior. She hasn’t held herself away from me, I’ve held myself away from her, scared that I would be too much.