“You said living with me would be a bad idea?” Austin interjects, glaring at Charlotte.
I defend her. “She did, but she was right to say that. Because I already liked you so much, and she was afraid I couldn’t get over you if I was with you all the time, and she was right about that too.
“See, I’m smart,” Charlotte says with a smile.
“So you think living with me is a bad idea?” Austin huffs.
“No. Despite all that, I also wouldn’t trade this time with you for anything, because I love being your roommate. And I love…” I catch myself before I say anything too honest. “Your sandwiches. But”—I look away from him—“Logan is the best relationship I’ve ever had. I don’t want to just throw that away, and I don’t want to screw up my friendship with you.”
Austin tilts my face back to him with a finger under the chin. “I don’t want to screw up our friendship either,” he insists. “It’s the most important thing to me.”
“I think you have this,” Charlotte says. “I’m going to step outside and make a phone call. Then I’ll be in the restroom for a while, doing pregnant woman things.” She stands and leaves us to talk alone.
Austin shifts to face me. “Why is he the best relationship? And how do you know we won’t be better?”
I love that I can talk about Logan and being confused with Austin without fear of reprisal. “Well, he likes my sense of humor—”
“So do I.”
“He’s a good guy, and he’s dependable.”
“So am I. You’re really not giving me anything here about what makes him the better choice. Other than that, he doesn’t have the stigma of being your good friend attached to him. Doesn’t seem that serious to me.”
“I’m not minimizing my connection with you, but I have feelings for him.” His jaw ticks. “And if you hadn’t broken up with Lucy, I probably would have moved in with him,” I reveal.
“And it would’ve been a mistake,” he says matter-of-factly.
“Why?”
“Because even with all those feelings, you still went out with me.”
“You had opportunities to make a move on me before. You obviously didn’t think it was cool to feel things out with me while still with Lucy. Now you’re asking me to do that for you.”
“Lucy and I were more serious,” Austin interjects. “It’s not the same.”
“Maybe it’s not exactly the same, but it still feels like you could have stepped up before, and now that you’ve decided you want me, I should automatically follow your timeline. Maybe you only like me because I’m taken.”
“It’s not the only reason I like you.” He scoots closer and lowers his voice. “I’m going to be honest, Chloe. I didn’t like you going out with all those guys. Do you know why?”
“Why?”
“Because they weren’t me.” He takes the napkin from my hand and threads his fingers in its place. “At first, I figured it was something you needed to do to grow, but then I got scared you’d outgrow me. And that’s when I realized I was fighting more than an attraction to a friend. And I didn’t want to lose you either.” His dark eyes bore into mine. “Obviously, I don’t know what the future holds. There’s a chance you may find that I’m not worthy of you. And you’d probably be right.”
It ends up being an actual open and honest conversation where we put all our fears on the table that’s still loaded with our half-eaten brunch and we talk about all the things that could go wrong.
“What if things start to break down and it’s so awkward we can’t be in social settings together? I can’t give up Charlotte’s baby-to-be, and if you avoid going to things because of me, I’ll feel guilty that I’m keeping you from going. See? It’s already a mess—”
His lips cut my words off. His hand clasps the back of my neck as his mouth brushes across mine, and all the incessant worries vanish.
He pulls away. “Did you feel that?”
“Yeah,” I murmur.
“That’s really all I have to say. What you decide and who you choose is up to you. Just remember everything could also go really right between us.”
And that’s why I decide to accept a second date if he offers.
And he does.
Charlotte returns and Austin leaves us to finish our recap. We watch him navigate through the tables and once his tall frame is out of sight, Charlotte wastes no time begging me to fill her in on everything that happened while she was gone. I do, and by the time I’m finished, she’s as torn over the situation as I am.
“I love Austin,” she says. “And now that some time has passed since Lucy, I think you’d be great together. But I also think you’d be great with Logan. It’s a tough decision, and just because you already know Austin and know you can trust him, doesn’t mean he’s the right choice.”
I blow out a breath. “Yeah.”
We finish our meal, and when it’s time to pay, our server informs us that Austin already took care of it. She places two to-go boxes on the table. “He said to add a slice of our homemade chocolate cake for both of you.”
“Well, I think Austin just threw down the gauntlet,” Charlotte says. “I’m always open to bribery with chocolate cake. I’m glad I don’t have to choose between them.”
“Wish I didn’t either,” I say. “This is an impossible decision.”
We say goodbye in the parking lot, and when I get in my car, I receive a text that just may be the deciding factor.
Meet me for coffee in the morning?
Twelve
Who decided to let me be an adult? Seriously, it’s in the world’s best interest to have people fill out an application for adulthood approval. If that were the case, though, I’m sure what I’m about to do would cause my request to be denied. And I think I’d be okay with that decision. Adulting is hard.
Aromatic coffee punches me in the nose when I open the door to Brewhaha, a local coffee shop. Even though it’s barely eight a.m., there is already a line of sluggish customers waiting for a shot of roasted beans to wake them up so they can pretend to be adults. I know, I want to tell them. I know the secret. We’re all faking it.
In the cafe’s back corner, I spot my early morning coffee date, dark hair glowing in the shafts of sunlight streaming in the window, looking more chipper and put together than everyone else in the place.
“Hi,” Lucy says when I reach the table. “Thanks for meeting me so early on a Sunday.”
“Hey. No problem.” I take a seat across from her, wondering if an adultier adult would have agreed to this meeting. “How are you?”
“I’m doing fantastic.” She says it like she means it, and since she picked such a strong word, I believe it’s true, which is rather surprising to me. “I ordered you a caramel cappuccino to save time. Hope you don’t mind.” She pushes the paper cup toward me with pink-tipped nails that match her off-the-shoulder shirt. “I remember once upon a time Austin picked that up for you on our way to his house, so hope you still like it.”