“It’s okay if it still weirds you out,” I say as I cross my arms over my chest. “You’re pretty much Superman in my book when it comes to dealing with all of this.”
Jaxon looks up at me as he extinguishes the last of his light, and smiles.
“We should get back,” Layla says from behind me. “No reason to stay here any longer than necessary. They might regain consciousness any minute.”
I nod because she’s right. So, I reach my hand out for Jaxon’s. He takes it, still seeming a little overwhelmed, but he follows me back outside.
I climb into the driver’s seat this time. Jaxon collapses into the passenger seat.
As we drive back, he’s quiet. And it’s okay. He’s allowed to process what this is.
For his entire life, he was one thing. Human. Yes, he hunted down people who owed his family money. He was around questionable people all the time.
But he was the same. He was normal.
And now he’s this entirely new creature. A guardian. An ultralight.
How he is keeping it all together is still a miracle to me.
So, I let him have his quiet, as the four of us speed back to the compound.
Chapter Eleven
I keep counting them.
Twenty.
Thirty.
Forty.
Forty-seven.
There are supposed to be fifty of us.
It’s been just short of one month since Jaxon was tested and proven the gatekeeper. It’s been just short of one month since word was given to all the darklings throughout the world that they could come back to the gate.
But I count again, and there are only forty-seven of us.
While we watch the others fight, following Ascelin’s lead in the dark, I lean over to Nisha. “The other three?” I ask simply.
“They’re not coming,” she says in that monotone, cold way of hers. “They’ve…established lives where they are. They say they’re prepared to be separated from us.”
As I watch Philomena lay into Layla, my chest fills with complicated knots.
I feel just a little resentful toward those three darklings who haven’t come back. It feels as if they’ve turned their backs on their own kind. They’ve closed the door to a huge part of themselves. You don’t abandon your troop.
But as my thoughts float down into the compound, to a bedroom right next to mine, I know I’m being a hypocrite.
I swallow once but my throat feels dry and tight. Because when I think about the time when the gate opens, I don’t know if I will be able to make my feet move forward.
"Serena," a demonic voice calls to me from across the desert.
I look up and see Renwick in his darkling form, crooking two claws at me, beckoning me forward.
I'd much rather fight him than think about the complicated emotions running through my head. So, I step forward and let my shadows take over.
It's such a relief, every single time I shift. Jaxon's presence is still difficult. I'm still fighting the urge every moment, to shift and fight him. So having these moments where I can let it all go, I think they are critical. I think we all need to let it loose, so no accidents happen.
I relish in it as my body rips apart into smoke and claws. I let out an unearthly howl as I sprint forward, my gaze fixed on Renwick.
I launched myself through the air, but Renwick is prepared.
He grabs me with his pinchers and flings me around to the other side of him. But the second my claws hit the ground, I'm scratching through it, propelling myself back toward him. We collide with a thunderous smack.
We tumble and claw and roar and wrestle. Over and over, we tumble across the desert ground. Renwick might be stronger, but I am faster and smarter. I roll over on top of him and pin him down with my spindly legs.
But with brute force, he whips me around, flinging me back with the momentum.
My face isn't the same in my darkling form, but still, I smile. This feels good. This is what I was trained for, what I've been doing for a very, very long time.
Ascelin barks commands at the lot of us. To anyone outside of the situation, this would look like an absolute nightmare from hell. It's a stretch of desert being covered with forty-seven writhing smoke monsters, every one of them absolutely deadly, and every one of them trained to kill. And at the head of us all, is one of the most apt commanders that has ever lived in either verse.
We implement different fighting tactics. It's not the same, knowing that we’re fighting each other, darklings, instead of the ultralights that are our true enemy. But still, it's good to have this refresher. It really does feel like the old days when we were back at the Academy, fresh, brand-new students all being trained to be good little exorcisers of evil.
It's been so long I can hardly even remember what it feels like to exorcise a dusk. In all honesty, I have only ever exercised six of them in my entire life. The amount of time between when I manifested and when we went through the gate was only a matter of months.
I almost feel like I got sidelined in my calling in life. This is what I literally evolved to do in life. But I spent all this time simply trying to survive—looking for someone.
It's what I evolved to do, but maybe my fate lies in a different direction.
Maybe, it's why I feel so different from all of the other darklings now. Why I feel so disconnected from the DarkVerse.
I'm too in my head. I can't fight well with all of these heavy thoughts rolling around in my brain. So for now, I gather every ounce of self-control that I have and push it all out.
I focus on my claws. My teeth. On the shadows that twist and shape my incorporeal form. I throw myself into the training. I execute every one of Ascelin's orders with precision.
Sometimes I get a little bit of an ego on me. I know I'm good at this. But here, with all of these other darklings who have survived for a century and a half, while they have been hunted down, I am simply…adequate. Every one of us is exceptional.
I ground myself in the present, and I train harder than I have trained in a long time.
Chapter Twelve
The next day and a half go by in a blink.
Ascelin continues to train Jaxon one on one. They work hard, fighting for hours on end. I could only stand to watch it for so long. I feel a little twisted and messed up that it's turning me on. So finally, I head back and down into the compound and begin preparing for what I know is coming.
By night, the darklings continue to train further.
And every moment, we track the Kindred as they travel farther south. They’re currently in Sacramento. We’re not really sure what it is they're looking for there, because there are no new ultralights that are popping up on our system, about to manifest. Maybe they’re finally just doing their jobs.
On Wednesday morning, I step in front of the mirror in my bedroom and look at the mess that is my body.
Black handprints are everywhere. My hips are the worst, but there are fading marks on the side of my neck, over my abdomen, all the way down to my ankles.
I startle when my door opens, considering I’m only in my bra and underwear. Jaxon steps inside, raising his eyebrows.
He shakes his head, not knowing what to say either, as he looks at the damage he’s done. But I just smirk and reach for his shirt. I pull it right off, taking stock of his own damage.