My eyes fall away from his and I swallow once. “Don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind. That it hasn’t kept me up at night.” A few more moments of tension pass in silence. He waits because the ball is in my court. “You’re right,” I say as once more I look up at him. “I don’t know how this is going to end. And maybe it will end badly. Maybe I will get my heart broken. But it’s better to have it break than remain dead for another 150 years.”
And there it is. My truth.
I’ll take the risk. Because it’s worth it.
Davorian studies me silently for a moment. I don’t know what’s going on in his head. But maybe he is thinking about his own wife. The one who was human and left behind in the DarkVerse. The one he loved very much. The one who died of old age more than a hundred years ago.
Would he take their relationship back, knowing what was coming for him? For them?
I really don’t think so.
“Tell me, what can we expect with his family?” he says, and I breathe a little easier, knowing he’s said his piece and we can finally move on. “Are they really going to cause us a headache? Jaxon seems to think so.”
I smile. There it is. He’s finally acknowledged his gatekeeper has a name again.
I nod and move on with the present conversation. “Vivian Gray is no joke. And neither are any of her other children. Jaxon didn’t even have his phone, they didn’t have my name, and we paid cash, but somehow his brothers tracked us down to the hotel when we were hiding out in Utah. If they want to find Jaxon, they just might do it.”
“So, he really does need to show his face soon,” Davorian says, letting out a frustrated breath.
“Yeah,” I confirm.
He brushes his hand over his mouth, thinking. “I want other agents within fifty yards of the two of you at all times when you go back. You’re never to leave his side. If these Kindred agents come our way, they’re going to do anything they can to take him.”
I nod because I know it’s true. “You have my word.”
“And you can take care of the problem with two days or so?” he asks.
I shrug. “Maybe. Vivian always has jobs for Jaxon to take care of. The one I went on with him was over within about an hour. But who knows. I can guarantee she’s going to have a lot of questions considering we’ve been gone for weeks, and considering we told her we were going to be married when we came back.”
“Excuse me?” Davorian asks with an arched eyebrow.
I let out a sigh and roll my eyes. “It’s a whole thing. They’re complicated. It’s just for pretend though, for her sake, so don’t lose your head about it.”
He gives me a look about that last part but doesn’t call me out over it.
“Sorry,” I say quietly.
He shakes his head. “Life used to be so simple before this guy came into your life.”
I laugh, because once upon a time, Jaxon said almost the same thing about me.
My life was never boring before. I didn’t think I needed any more adrenaline spikes, but then you came into it and it’s been a nonstop rush ever since.
“Yeah, well, I think the hope he brings is worth it,” I say.
He just makes a noise of acknowledgement and nods. “Alright. Go keep an eye on those two. Make sure they don’t kill each other.”
* * *
Oh, I am in so much trouble.
I watched Ascelin train Jaxon all day. I couldn’t stop watching.
I always admired Jaxon’s body. I watched him get into a brawl that night I followed him, knowing I had to bring him in to test him, the night his younger brother, AJ, was killed. I always knew that Jaxon could handle himself.
But watching him fight with Ascelin—the best fighter I know…?
I know that I am forever and always ruined for other men.
At first, I was terrified they were going to kill each other. Because the hand-to-hand teaching only lasted for about twenty minutes, at best, when Ascelin realized just how well Jaxon could hold his own. And then it was darkling against ultralight.
I think they both enjoyed the release when they agreed to shift. I think they both enjoyed being able to go after each other with everything they had.
Men.
Jaxon was beautiful in his ultralight form. He looked like a fiery angel. He looked like something from another world, which I guess he was. The fire on his body burned so hot it turned blue. The light emitting from him was blinding. He could streak through the air, gliding by the light, in a way that was aggressively elegant.
He was beautiful, but savage.
Not many could hold their own against Ascelin, but Jaxon was giving him a run for his money.
They tumbled around, threw each other over the desert surface. There were terrifying demonic screams, and sonic war cries. And all the while, Ascelin barked instructions and advice in that shuttering darkling voice.
It was terrifying. Because I knew beyond a doubt that Jaxon was not one hundred percent in control of himself. Ascelin was, but it wouldn’t take much for his concentration to slip. He was fighting his enemy, after all.
So, some of this fighting was very, very real.
Yet I still enjoyed it. A lot.
“That’s enough for now,” Ascelin says in his darkling voice. He steps back from Jaxon and shifts. “It will be dark in an hour. We need to get some food, take a little break. Darkling training starts when the sun is down,” he says as he looks back at me.
I simply nod, and Ascelin goes straight for the tunnel entrance.
I watch as Jaxon stands in place, his chest heaving. I can see the need for action in the jumpy way he keeps bouncing up onto the balls of his feet and the bend in his knees. But he closes his eyes, and I watch him focus.
It doesn’t happen immediately. Jaxon stands there for at least three minutes, trying to regain control.
But slowly, the flames begin to recede. Slowly, his skin stops glowing.
And finally, it’s just him standing there.
He opens his eyes, meeting mine, and he lets out a relieved breath.
I smile, feeling so ridiculously proud of him. And it’s the best thing ever when he smiles in return and walks toward me across the desert sand.
“You’re insanely terrifying when you’re fighting,” I say as he slips an arm around my waist, “but ridiculously beautiful.”
Jaxon just laughs and shakes his head. “Not going to lie. Having you here watching me was making me nervous.”
“Why?” I ask as my brows furrow.
He shrugs and looks out into the distance. “I don’t know. I guess because I don’t want you seeing that side of me. That side of me that loses my mind when it comes to a fight.”
I reach up and turn his head, forcing him to look at me. Nervously, his eyes meet mine. “Hey,” I say, my tone dead serious. “I know who you are. And that side of you is just one of the many things I love about you.”
Instantly, Jaxon’s expression freezes and his eyes go a little wider. And my blood goes stiff when I realize what I just said.
Neither of us has used the “L” word yet. I might not have said it in the all-important three-word format, but still. It’s the first time it’s been said between the two of us.
But he doesn’t freak out. Instead, I see his eyes grow softer for just a moment, and then they go hungry. And sharply, he pulls my face to his, taking my lips.