Damn. Already I berate myself for adding inflection to my response. He’ll know I’m not sure of my answer, and he’ll call me out.
“Really?” he says, doubt lacing his tone.
I inhale a deep breath, drawing as much courage as I can muster—which isn’t a lot at this point. See? When you lose so much, you lose your courage as well.
“To challenge myself,” I say, keeping my tone as even as I can.
“And you think me choking you will challenge you?”
His tone isn’t mocking, but his words are. I choose to take him at face value. And at face value, his question is valid.
He deserves an answer, a truthful one.
“Honestly? I don’t know. All I know is that I saw it in the scene, and I wanted it.”
“And do you still want it now?”
I could lie to him. Tell him I’m over it. Anything to keep him in my life. But I love him too much to lie. He’ll know anyway.
“Y-Yes. I still want it now.”
“I see.”
He stands and paces across the deep red Turkish rug. He rakes his fingers through his already disheveled hair.
Fear slides through me. I already know we’re over, but as I watch him, look at him, see him, I realize how deeply I’ve fallen.
He’s beautiful, yes. His ass tight in those black pants, his broad and muscular shoulders apparent in his black button down. A masterpiece.
But I didn’t fall in love with his masculine beauty.
And he’s rich. So ungodly rich. I’ve dined in the best restaurants, sampled the finest wines, flown in a private jet, for God’s sake.
But I didn’t fall in love with his money or his things.
I fell in love with the man who volunteers at a food pantry when he could get by with writing a gigantic check.
I fell in love with the man who rescued two dogs—one for me.
I fell in love with the man who cut his business trip short because he couldn’t wait to get back to me.
I fell in love with Braden Black the man, not Braden Black the icon.
And I need to tell him.
“I love you, Braden.”
He turns, his eyes heavy-lidded and a little glazed over. “I love you too. I wish I didn’t, but I do.”
His words both warm me and cut me. He loves me. But he wishes he didn’t love me.
My lips tremble. “Then can’t we work this out?”
He shakes his head slowly. “No. Not when you can’t be honest with me.”
“But I—”
“Skye, you’re not. And what’s more, you know you’re not. Look inside yourself. Figure yourself out, because until you do, you’ll always yearn for something I can’t give you. And I’m not just talking about the neck bondage.”
…
He let me sleep in his bedroom. I don’t know where he slept. After I was all cried out, maybe I got some sleep. Truthfully, I don’t know.
I know only that I rose in the morning and accompanied Braden in silence to the airport. We boarded the jet, also in silence. Thank God it was a short flight. Christopher met us and dropped me off at my place. Braden, ever the gentleman, walked me to the door.
He touched my cheek lightly. “Goodbye, Skye.”
I nodded. No words got past the lump in my throat.
This all happened mere hours ago, and it feels like a lifetime.
I lie on my bed, unable to move.
Unable to—
I jerk upward. My contract. My damned contract!
I’m still under contract to create content for Susie Girl Cosmetics, and my last post sucked big-time.
No more tears. I’m all cried out. I run into the bathroom and—
Oh my God. I look like a hag. A red-eyed, swollen-faced, snot-nosed hag.
And I have to do an Instagram post today.
Three posts per week pursuant to my contract.
My contract that I have only because I’m Braden’s girlfriend.
Somehow, I have to get myself together. I have to do the post, and it has to be great after the last disaster.
If only I had someone to talk to.
Tessa could help me, but we’re not speaking.
Penny would snuggle with me, lick my face, and make me feel loved enough to maybe get my creative juices flowing. But she’s still at Braden’s, and she will be until I move into a place that allows dogs.
That’s it! I’ll go over to Braden’s to see Penny. She’s my dog, after all. I should be able to visit my own dog.
I bite my lower lip.
That’s not the answer, and I know it. Though I long to see my puppy, I’m really hoping I’ll see Braden. I’m hoping he’ll change his mind when he sees me, remembers how much he loves me.
He’ll accuse me of manipulating him.
And he’ll be right.
I’ll visit Penny tomorrow, then, when Braden’s at his office. He already told Christopher during our tense drive home earlier that I’m allowed to see Penny as often as I want, as long as he’s not home. I even have Christopher’s number to text him personally.
My phone is like a magnetic beacon in my pocket.
Just one text… Maybe Braden isn’t home? Maybe he went into his office? Maybe…
But I can’t.
I’m a mess, and as much as I want my puppy, I can’t be that woman.
It’s manipulative. Needy and manipulative.
I draw in a deep breath and stare at my disgusting reflection. First things first. A shower. A cold one to help ease the swelling in my face. It won’t be pleasant, but I don’t want anything pleasant at the moment. I want the blast of cold water on my body. Maybe it will fuel the creative part of my brain, because, damn, I need a post to end all posts today.
I have to give Eugenie and the rest of the team a reason to keep me on the payroll even if I’m not Braden Black’s significant other.
I’ll show them that Skye Manning is worth their confidence just because she’s Skye Manning.
Now… If only I can convince myself.
Chapter Three
The cold shower helps a little, but I still look like I’ve been to hell and back. I hastily pull the contract out of my briefcase. Does each post have to be a selfie? I hope not.
I read through the instructions for each post, and… “Yes!” I shout. Nothing in the language says I must appear in every post.