When I park the car, I turn to Ellie. “What’s going on?”
She shrugs, but I don’t miss how her eyes flicker with emotion that I wish they didn’t show. Shit. When we started this, I told her no feelings. The longer we sit here, the heavier the tension becomes, and I can’t deal with it. I’m not a guy who deals easily with relationships and emotions.
“So, party?” I try changing the subject, but the moment Ellie looks up at me, I see the mistake I’ve made. She doesn’t respond. I watch as she pushes open the car door and grabs her backpack before slamming the door shut. She can’t escape quick enough, and internally, I curse myself.
She moves quickly for a little thing, and I shove open my car door before racing around the front of the vehicle. She’s already at the gate, and I know she’s about to push me out of her life for good.
“Ellie!” I follow her. I’ve never done this shit before, but hurting her wasn’t my intention, which is why I made it clear we were just having fun. I reach the gate of her house moments after she does, but she shuts the metal barrier between us, and there’s no way to get to her. “Listen to me,” I speak, but she’s shaking her head. “All I—”
“No, Finn. No. You don’t get to do this to me. I’m the stupid one. I shouldn’t have… I don’t want this pain anymore.” Her voice breaks and a single tear trickles down her cheek, making the soft pink glisten under the watery emotion.
Shaking my head, I try to reach for her, but I’m held back by the cool black metal. “I told you I can’t do forever and shit like that,” I say, but it doesn’t help like I thought it would.
Her shimmering eyes lift to mine, and from pain to anger, I watch them change color before me. “No.” Ellie nods, her lips curve into an angry sneer. “You’re right, Finn. You’re too immature to ever feel anything real,” she throws back.
I don’t argue because she’s right. I am too broken to allow anyone to get too close because they'll walk away when they see the truth, and I can’t go through that.
Not again.
When I don’t respond, Ellie continues. “If you ever once allowed yourself to feel something, you’d realize how good life can be. But you don’t want to be happy, that’s what your problem is. I don’t know what happened to you, Finn Thorne, but whatever it is, you need to work through your shit because nobody will ever be able to love you if you keep pushing everyone away.” With that, the pretty blonde storms away from me, leaving me staring at her back.
My mouth opens, but the answers I want to give her don’t come. All the words, all the truths that linger on the tip of my tongue stay there. And they’ll never be spoken because I’ll always be alone.
For a long while, I stand there, watching the house, waiting for her to come back. But she doesn’t. I don’t expect her to. She’s right. Her words sting. They cut through all my defenses, right to the darkened core of who I am.
But she’ll never know what’s wrong with me because I can’t tell anyone.
Not even my brothers.
3
Cassian
The house is busy with staff rustling around as we set up for tomorrow’s party. With Damien home, it will be good to celebrate and enjoy ourselves. But what’s more, is Creed’s sordid idea to chase a girl through the woods. I don’t begrudge them for the fun and games, but deep down, I have one person in mind, and yet, I’ve told myself I can’t have her.
She’s only sixteen, and she doesn’t need to be around shit like this. Kalyn is special, so different from all the other girls I’ve known. Even though she’s only been in Thorne Haven for a year now, we’ve gotten close.
At times, I feel as if I’m her goddamned hero, saving her from stupid decisions. But she challenges me in ways none of the other women around town have. Not even the older ones I’ve been with.
My repertoire is nothing like Finn’s, but I’ve been around. Even then, my focus has always been on Kaly. Her friendship saved me when I needed it most. She doesn’t know it, and I can never tell her.
Instead of confessing my darkest moment to her, I focus on the alcohol being delivered and ensuring it’s set on the patio where staff pack it in the fridges Dad installed a few years ago for the gala dinners we hold.
“Hey,” Finn says as he saunters up to find me grabbing a beer. “Are you inviting Kaly?” he asks, a knowing smirk tilting the corners of his mouth.
“Fuck off,” I bite out in frustration, the situation I’m in overtaking me. Finn enjoys taunting me with her. She’s gorgeous, with dark curly hair that makes my fingers tingle to tangle in them. “She’s a good girl.”
He nods solemnly. “I don’t doubt that, Cass,” he says before taking one of the chilled bottles and snapping the cap off.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I throw back easily.
My brother arches a brow at my defensiveness, and I realize it too late because Finn chuckles while shaking his head. “That.” He points at me. “This whole hero complex you have. You literally warn guys away from her, but you won’t make a move.”
“She’s…”
“Too young?” he finishes before I can say it. I’ve spoken about Kaly more than I care to admit over the months. “Perhaps you need to forget the girl who’s your friend,” he says as he uses air quotes on the word. “Focus on women who want you, because trust me, brother,” Finn slaps me on the back before he leans in to continue, “there are a lot of them.”
“Sure,” I tell him, but even as I say it, I know it’s a lie. No matter who I have in my bed, my obsession with the pretty girl will always be at the forefront of my mind.
The sun is shining on a new day.
The house is ready for tonight, but I don’t think I am. The black hoodie and jeans hang against my closet door, taunting me about what I’m about to embark on. Creed is a crazy motherfucker, so him coming up with this idea doesn’t surprise me. And the rest of the guys seem excited about it, so I guess I’ll have to go through with it.
My phone buzzes on my bedside table, and when I pick it up, I find Kalyn’s name lighting up the screen. It’s our new ritual, messaging each other in the mornings. She’s struggling with the loss of her grandmother, and if I can offer some form of solace, I’m happy to be there for her.
I open the message.
Kaly: I’m heading into town today before the party. Want something?
She’s added a smiley-face emoji at the end, and I can’t stop the smile that graces my expression. There’s still a playful side to Kalyn, despite her heartbreak. She’s stronger than she gives herself credit for. I tap out a reply to let her know all is set, but I don’t tell her about the game because she doesn’t need to know.
I decided that I would do this with the guys, but Kaly can spend time with her friends while I’m out running through the goddamned forest with my brothers. I consider the Havens family.
We’ve known each other for a long time, and they’re good guys. Each of them coming to Thorne Haven from different backgrounds to create a family unit which couldn’t have been easy, but they did it. Each of the brothers were adopted at various ages, but their bond has grown strong over the years. Creed was only thirteen when he came to Thorne Haven, where Brody was ten, and Keirin was eight.