No, my conscience informs me emphatically. Teddy’s not vindictive. He wouldn’t do that to you.
Drinks in hand, I carry them to the table and place them in front of the guys. “Do you know what you want to eat?”
Jude takes a sip of his Coke, cringing. “Shit, dude. This is your nasty ass root beer.”
Great, now I can add mixing up customer’s drinks to the list.
They switch drinks and place orders for food. Before I can walk away, Jude says, “You hurt my friend.”
Sucking in my cheeks, I say, “I’m hurting too.”
His eyes narrow. “Then why did you break up with him.”
“It’s none of your business,” I snap.
“Teddy is our best friend,” Cole interrupts, rubbing a hand over his closely cropped hair. “That means it is our business.”
Biting my tongue, I say, “It’s complicated.”
“We know you were fake-dating him to start with.” My jaw falls open at Jude’s admission. “In fact,” he leans his big body onto the table, hands clasped in a way that makes his muscles stand out, but I’m in such a piss-poor mood I can’t even admire the show, “we’ve known for a while, and we’ve also known since Teddy spilled those details that he had real feelings for you.”
“Things are complicated,” I repeat myself, my brain short-circuiting on other things to say.
Cole taps his fingers on the table. “Care to elaborate on this complication you speak of.”
“Not really. I’d like to take your orders and move on.”
“No offense,” Jude begins, and I automatically know I’m going to take offense, “but you look like shit. I can tell you’ve been crying, and you look sick. Guess what? Teddy looks like shit too. So tell me, why are you both wasting your time being miserable when you could make up and agree this is all a big misunderstanding, a speed bump in the road if you will, and move the fuck on.”
“I can’t.” My hands fist at my sides, I’m vibrating with anger at his pushiness. Cole sits there playing with his straw wrapper.
“Let it go, dude.” Cole shakes his head. “This isn’t our battle.”
Jude sighs heavily. “You’re my friend too, Vanessa. Sure, I haven’t known you as long as I have Teddy, but I like you, and I fucking hate seeing two of my friends miserable and hurting when they don’t have to be. Let me ask you something. Whatever happened to spook you, is it worth losing him?”
With those parting words, they slap money down on the table—way more than enough for the drinks and I guess deciding they don’t want to eat after all in my presence. They stride out of The Burger Palace, leaving me standing at the table lingering in a pool of doubt.
I did the right thing.
I think.
39
Teddy
It’s the last game of the season, the last game of my college career and I don’t care.
I should be hyped, high on this ending and what comes next, but I’m not because my thoughts are all tied up with Vanessa, mingled with hurt and confusion.
It’s a home game, another thing I should be fucking elated over, but I’m not. I’d rather be ending this at an away game so I wouldn’t obsess over the possibility of Vanessa showing up. I don’t think she will, but I can’t help but think what if.
I never thought I’d turn into this pathetic fucker over a girl, but here I am.
“Get the fuck out of your head,” Mascen scolds, slapping the back of my head in an effort to snap me from where I’ve drifted off to. “We have a game to win.”
“I know, I know.” I jerk my pants on.
“Someone put Teddy’s hype song on,” Murray yells out, hands cupped around his mouth.
I groan, burying my head inside my locker in an effort to disappear. It’s ironic since normally I love being the center of attention, but not right now.
‘Everywhere I Go’ by Hollywood Undead starts to play and I shrink even more.
“Turn it off,” I beg Mascen or anyone who hears and decides to have mercy on me.
Mascen’s eyes narrow on me and the next thing I know he’s grabbing me and dragging me to the showers where it’s quiet.
“What the fuck?” He crosses his arms over his chest, leveling me with one of his trademark glares.
“Uh … am I supposed to respond to that?”
He shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose like I’m giving him a headache.
“You need to get yourself together.” I start to protest, but he shuts me up with a look that says he’s ready to kill me. “I get you’re going through shit right now. Fuck, I’d be worse than you if Rory left me, but the team is counting on you. Get through this game and then you can fall apart.”
Rubbing a hand over my unshaven jaw, I nod. “Okay. I can do that.”
He gives me a sympathetic look, a rare thing from Mascen, and then he surprises me even more when he says, “I’m sorry.”
“Let’s just win this game.”
Pasting on a fake smile, I go back into the locker room and play my part. The one of the goofy, overzealous guy who doesn’t have a care in the world.
No one cares that it’s a lie.
We win the game, but barely.
After a long-ass shower, I change into my clothes, and all the guys head to Harvey’s to celebrate. For once, I’d rather not, but what choice do I have?
We end up at our usual table, the whole team plus friends and a group of girls. Murray has one girl draped over his lap, his tongue down her throat.
That used to be me.
And now I’m sitting here like a sad fuck thinking about how I wish I was celebrating with Vanessa. For a second, I thought I saw her at the game, but when I looked back, I realized it was someone else.
I order a beer. Then when it’s gone, I order another drink. And another. Drinking until the room spins and I feel like I might throw up. It’s better than pretending all evening I’m fine.
A steel band closes around my body and I jerk against it. “What the fuck?” I look down and realize there’s a dark arm wrapped around me. “Cole? My duuuude. What’re you doing?”
“Getting you out of here before you pour even more alcohol into your system and do something you might regret in the morning?”
“Like what?” My feet drag against the floor and somewhere in my brain I register that Cole is dragging me, not because he has to but because my feet won’t work. Zoey trails after us and I laugh, calling to her, “Hey, Mom!”
“I don’t know, like hook up with another girl.”
“I would never!”
“There are lots of things people do when they’re drunk that they wouldn’t normally do. I’m not going to let that happen.”
“It’s not like it would matter,” I grumble as we exit the building into the cool night air. It feels good against my too-hot skin. “I don’t have a girlfriend anymore, remember?”
“Don’t make me slap you silly,” Zoey scolds, picking something up off the ground.
My shoe. It’s my shoe.