“So, you’re not the first dad to grab my ass and get a hard-on over me.”
Her words whipped him like a lash, eliciting many emotions, and none of them good.
She gave him a bitter smirk. “You’re just the first I was attracted to because I thought you were one of the good ones. My mistake to confuse a good father with a good guy. So you can stop worrying if I’m going to ‘harass’ you again. I’m over it.”
Fury building, Thane drew in a breath. Still, his words came out in a rasp, “You said you accepted my apology.”
“I did, didn’t I?” She considered this and then her eyes narrowed. “How was your date?”
At her pointed question, he huffed. “You’re jealous I went on a date with Keelie?”
Regan gave him a big smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Why would I be jealous? I feel sorry for her. You used her to drive a point home to me, didn’t you? You hurt me, and you maybe even hurt her without caring beyond the fact that it made your point. So as far as I’m concerned, that canceled out your last apology.”
“Regan …” He didn’t know what to say. She was right. And this was a mess. “Maybe … maybe it’s best I look for another nanny.”
She flinched like he’d hit her, and he almost reached for her.
“You’d take Eilidh and Lewis away from me?”
Something twisted in his gut. “Regan.”
“Right.” She exhaled shakily. “Right. Yeah, you should do what is right for you guys. I’ll, um …” He saw her lower lip tremble, and she couldn’t meet his gaze. “I’d appreciate it if you’d give me plenty of notice, though.” Then she hurried out the door before he could answer.
“Fuck.” He marched to the exit but all he saw was the annex door closing behind her.
Shutting the side entrance, he turned the lock and leaned his forehead against the cool wood. She tried to hide he’d made her cry.
He kept hurting her, and he didn’t know how to stop. Other than to find a new nanny.
It would devastate Eilidh and Lewis.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He hit the door but not as hard or as loud as he wanted to.
Robyn wouldn’t thank him for it either. Consequently, neither would Lachlan.
And Thane would no longer have the mornings to look forward to. When he’d wake up, knowing she was downstairs in his kitchen, putting the coffee on for him.
Her smile a better start to the day than anything else could ever be.
“Thane, you’re fucked, man,” he whispered to himself as he finally headed to bed.
REGAN
I laid in bed the next morning, trying not to think about the fact that Thane had most likely already posted an ad for a new nanny housekeeper. I’d failed. Again.
I’d spent all night thinking about things, and my conclusion: I was mad at my boss for not wanting to be in a romantic relationship with me.
When I said it to myself like that, I sounded like a crazy person.
I was mad at my boss for not returning my feelings.
Yup. Wasn’t sounding any saner.
I was going to have to swallow my pride, wasn’t I?
The alarm clock read six in the morning. Thane and the kids slept in a little later on Saturdays. But I needed to talk to him. I needed to fix things before it was too late. Because if I applied for the ancestry visa—and I had been leaning more and more toward doing so—I’d need a job. And this was a great job when I wasn’t acting like a wounded ex-girlfriend.
Ugh. I threw off my bedcovers, mortified by my behavior. Had Thane given me mixed signals? Yes, he had. Had he said some extremely not-nice things to me? Yes. And had he hurt me? Also yes. But were we in a relationship when he did all those things? Had he made me any promises?
No!
No, he had not.
And I think that was what Robyn had been trying to remind me without wounding my feelings.
Shit.
When was I going to grow up?
“Now.” I stood, nervous but determined. “You start now.”
Hurrying into a pair of jeans and a tee, I quickly brushed my teeth and scraped my hair back into a ponytail. I wore no makeup but who cared? I was no longer trying to make Thane see me as desirable.
Letting myself into the house, I switched on the coffee machine out of habit and then quietly made my way upstairs. The butterflies in my belly raged to life as I stopped outside Thane’s bedroom. Of course, I’d been in his room to clean, and the master suite had the best views in the house. To my surprise, it was a very masculine space, making me wonder if he’d changed the décor after Fran died.
I had noted the picture of them on his nightstand. Something that humbled me now that I knew about her betrayal.
The reminder that he’d confessed something so personal to only me (not even to his siblings!) confused me again. Why would he confide in me if I weren’t more than the nanny?
Down that road, danger lies.
Drawing in my breath, I knocked on his bedroom door. “Thane,” I said as loudly as I dared.
I heard movement almost right away and then the door swung open and there he was, sleep rumpled in his pajamas. He stared warily at me. “Regan?”
“Downstairs.” I nodded toward the stairwell. “Please.”
He nodded and followed me downstairs.
Once in the kitchen, I settled on the opposite side of the island from him to give us space.
“What is it?” he asked, his brow furrowed, his beautiful eyes filled with concern. “Has something happened?”
“No. I just … I’m sorry for how early it is, but I couldn’t sleep and I just …” I took a breath to control my nerves. “I wanted to apologize for my behavior.” My cheeks burned with embarrassment and shame. “I haven’t been acting like myself, and I’ve treated you unfairly.”
Thane frowned. “You’re not at fault here, Regan. I sent out the wrong signals. I’m sorry.”
Ignoring the sting of his rejection, I shook my head. “No. I should have gotten over it when you asked me to, and I just kept dragging it out. You’re a grown man, and you can date whoever the hell you like and … I don’t want to lose this job.” I tried to smile through my fears, tried to do the easy-breezy Regan thing, but tears brightened my eyes as I thought about Eilidh and Lewis. “I adore those kids.” I gestured upstairs, my tears spilling over to my everlasting mortification. “This is a great job, and I love being near my sister and—”
“Hey, hey, hey.” Thane interrupted me softly, holding his hands up and taking a step toward me. Then he stopped himself, looking a little helpless. “Please don’t cry. We’ll figure this out, okay? You can keep the job. We’ll figure it out. I don’t want to lose you either. It would devastate the kids.”
I swiped at my cheeks, irritated by my emotional display. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cry. I’m not a crier or someone who uses tears to get their own way. That’s not—”
“Regan.”
At his authoritative tone, I stopped talking.
He pressed his lips together in a kind smile. “Maybe, from now on, we just go forward assuming the other only has the best of intentions. How does that sound?”