Thane tried not to react to the news that he’d chased her out of Arro’s house. “Right. Okay, then. Thanks, Mac. And thanks again for the whisky.”
“No problem. Hopefully see you before your birthday, but if I don’t, have a good one.”
“Thanks.” He waved his friend off and braced himself for returning indoors.
He couldn’t look at Robyn, but he could sense her watching him. Judging him, probably. Pondering the many ways she could unman him with her martial arts skills.
And he’d deserve it.
Lewis grew stonily quiet at the news Regan had gone home without them. Eilidh woke up as he put her into the back of the car, and the first person she asked for was Ree-Ree. She cried, reminding him how little she was, when he didn’t produce her nanny (and to be frank, her best friend) immediately.
His daughter thankfully fell back asleep as they made the short drive back to Caelmore. Lewis gave him one-word answers to his questions, so he stopped asking.
The silence gave his thoughts time to wander.
And it suddenly occurred to him he’d confessed Fran’s betrayal to Regan. She was the only person he’d trusted with it. Why? And then why insult her afterward?
He sighed heavily. He was a mess.
Maybe he wasn’t protecting himself from Regan by pushing her away. Maybe he was protecting her.
Sounds like a shitty excuse, a voice that sounded an awful lot like Regan’s said in his head.
As he pulled up to the house, an overwhelming sense of remorse and melancholy filled him at the sight of the lights on in her annex. Thane decided the fact that the woman had him so tied in knots was a sign that he should keep his distance.
Lewis got out of the car before Thane had even taken off his seat belt, and he watched his son stare toward the annex as he walked to their front door. Thane saw to Eilidh, lifting her from her seat. Her little arms circled his neck, and she pressed her cheek to his.
His chest expanded with emotion. “Come on, little love,” he whispered. “Time for bed.”
“Will Ree-Ree be there too?” she whispered sleepily.
He winced. “Regan’s already asleep, Eilidh-Bug. But I’ve got you.”
She snuggled deeper into him, apparently too tired to argue. Thank God.
Flicking one last look in the annex’s direction, Thane decided he’d have to fix things again with Regan. He could be civil and kind and friendly toward her without giving her hope of more.
And there was one surefire way to get the message across without treating her so undeservedly.
16
Regan
“You did what?” Robyn demanded as I tried to get out of her choke hold.
Slapping her arm to let me go, I gasped with relief as she abruptly released. My decision to take her up on an MMA session because my Wednesday morning was suddenly free didn’t seem like such a good idea. I growled in irritation. “You are impossibly strong!”
“You okay?” Now she was concerned.
“Fine.” I waved her off before falling backward onto the mat. Splayed like a sea star, I stared up at the private gym’s ceiling.
Robyn stood over me, her hands on her slender hips, one eyebrow raised. “Repeat what you just told me.”
So I did, which was pretty much the entire conversation with Thane in Arro’s backyard the previous weekend, minus what he’d confided about Fran’s affair. That shocking revelation was going to take longer to process. It also made me empathetic toward Thane when all I wanted to do was hate him after what he’d said to me. I didn’t want to judge a dead woman … but how the hell could she cheat on Thane Adair? Was she nuts?
You hate him, remember!
Yes, I hated him. And hurt for him in equal measure. Ugh, it was so complicated.
But Robyn knew none of that, and she wouldn’t ever find out from me. What I’d told her was my suggestion to Thane that we have no-strings-attached sex.
“Are you crazy?”
I had a feeling it was a rhetorical question.
“It just slipped out!”
“That’s like having sex with someone and saying we didn’t mean it, it just slipped in.”
“Ew, Robbie!” I laughed. “It’s not at all the same thing.”
Robyn huffed and kneeled beside me to pull me to sitting. Her brow knit together. “Seriously. Why would you suggest that to Thane?”
“Why not?” I deflected. “You and Lachlan started off with a sex-but-zero-commitment affair.”
“Yeah, but we didn’t even like each other, let alone have feelings for each other.”
“Not true. I know you can’t just have sex with some random.”
My sister considered this and amended. “There were things I liked about him, but there were more things I didn’t like about Lachlan. But I couldn’t deny that I had never wanted to have sex with a guy more in my life. Would I have fallen into bed with him if I had emotional feelings for him, knowing he only wanted sex? No. That’s asking for trouble. As it was, it was horrible thinking I’d fallen in love with him and he didn’t feel the same way. You suggested having sex and zero commitment with a man you actually care about. Why?”
I winced, dreading the truth, so I posed it as a question. “Because I thought that if we got close enough, he might develop feelings for me?”
She gave me her best “big sister is disappointed in you” look.
Ouch.
“You’re setting yourself up to get hurt. And you’re being dishonest. With yourself and with Thane. That’s not fair to either of you.”
Shamed, I looked away. “It just came out … without me thinking it through. It’s a moot point, anyway. I kind of actually detest his guts right now.” Sort of. Like seventy/thirty in the hate/sympathy ratio.
Robyn grimaced. “That’s not good. What happened?”
I told her what he’d said to me at Arro’s.
A dark cloud fell over my sister’s face. “Shit. It looks like I’m going to be a parent sooner than I’d thought.”
Confused, I blinked rapidly. “Uh, what?”
“Well, someone is going to have to adopt Eilidh and Lewis after I kill their father.”
Even though I knew she was joking, there was a serious, hard glint in her eyes. “Robyn, it’s fine. I’m fine.” I beamed at her. “You know me. Water off a duck’s back.”
“Why do you do that? Why do you lie to me?”
I flinched. “I’m not …” Shaking my head, I shrugged. “Because if I told the truth half the time, I’d cry. People don’t want to know if you’re sad or hurt or angry or depressed, Robbie. Not even so-called friends. They just want you to say that you’re fine so they don’t have to expend emotional energy on you.”
Hurt flickered across her face. “And you think that’s how I am?”
“No.” I hurried to assure her, realizing belatedly how it had come out. “No. I meant I picked up on that a long time ago with other people, sometimes even with Mom, and I’ve just gotten into the habit of being happy-go-lucky no matter how I’m really feeling because I know most people don’t want to hear the truth.”